IYWHM Chapter 179

A little while later, the two walked side by side through the hotel garden under the late summer sunlight.

 

It could be boldly stated that among all the countless walks Seyard had experienced in his life, this was the most incomprehensible and inexplicably tense one.

 

He glanced sideways at the person next to him.

 

The woman who held a parasol given by a servant earlier, lightly resting it against her shoulder, had remained silent the entire time.

 

No, come to think of it, she seemed to have said something when they first stepped into the garden.

 

Something like a ceremonial greeting similar to “What lovely weather we’re having.”

 

What had he replied to that? He frowned, trying to remember, but nothing came clearly to mind.

 

At the time, his head had been complicated with trying to gauge the woman’s intentions.

 

It seemed most likely that he had reflexively answered something like “Indeed it is.”

 

Like an idiot. Without even being aware of what words were coming out of his mouth.

 

‘How absurd.’

 

That was about all Seyard could think as he observed himself like a detached observer.

 

In fact, this wasn’t just a matter of yesterday or today.

 

For the past few days, he had been continuously feeling as though he was walking through pitch-black darkness where he couldn’t see even an inch ahead.

 

To put it differently, it was also like the sensation of writing out a test paper filled with wrong answers for days on end.

 

He’d never actually experienced such a thing, so he wasn’t sure if it was an apt comparison, but at least that’s how it felt to him.

 

And all of this had started from that day.

 

Even now, when he closed his eyes, he could clearly see that clear face scolding him not to act spoiled.

 

The glass of brandy he had thrown back before lying in bed, intending only to wet his throat as a substitute for sleeping pills.

 

‘With just one glass, I can’t even use drunkenness as an excuse.’

 

But he had used alcohol as a pretext to visit someone’s bedroom where they lay submerged in the sea of sleep.

 

Naturally, the presence of the servant watching over the patient posed no obstacle to him whatsoever.

 

And so he had gazed at the sleeping person’s face for a long while.

 

Originally, his plan had been to wake Kisa and push his will upon her once more.

 

This time, it didn’t matter if she refused.

 

In the worst case, he had even brought the medicine he had received from the doctor in advance, planning to force it on her if necessary.

 

Since he was already in a position to be resented, what difference would adding one more reason make?

 

If he could look after her health by becoming an even more wicked villain, it would be a profitable trade.

 

However…

 

When faced with that face sleeping innocently like a child, Seyard froze like stone and couldn’t execute any of what he had planned.

 

Though there was nothing but faint moonlight, he was able to examine every detail of Kisa.

 

Her complexion, lifeless and pale from illness, her rough skin, her forehead damp with cold sweat, her nose occasionally gasping for breath, and her chapped lips.

 

Even the most beautiful woman in Sorbi’s social circles – how could she avoid looking sickly?

 

Yet to Seyard’s eyes, she appeared as beautiful as always.

 

No. Perhaps she seemed to shine more brightly than ever before.

 

The woman who had fled from his embrace twice.

 

Seyard vividly recalled the back of the girl he had been forced to watch long ago, when he was still a Vischer.

 

From the moment that child, who had cried while pushing away a cat’s corpse, disappeared led away by an interfering hand, he had continuously hoped to reclaim what had fled.

 

Because it had seemed strangely glittering and precious.

 

And at this very moment, Kisa glittered just as she had then.

 

In this moment when she fiercely rejected him and seemed as though she might fly away somewhere if he took his eyes off her for even a second.

 

It was confusing. Yes. His emotions were in turmoil.

 

Why wouldn’t his affection diminish even a little?

 

Kisa’s refusal to use the medicine was utterly irrational.

 

The reasons she gave were all equally foolish and absurd.

 

If it had been anyone other than her, Seyard would have found them utterly pathetic and quickly removed them from his sight. They wouldn’t even have been worth his contempt.

 

Even if it had been Gilliam, his right-hand man who had devoted his loyalty to him for many years, he might have felt some regret but the treatment wouldn’t have been much different.

 

But when it came to Kisa alone, he couldn’t even entertain the thought of doing such a thing, and if someone else had stepped forward to do it in his place, he might have killed them in a rage.

 

‘Why… why…?’

 

Seyard, who had climbed onto the bed, covered Kisa’s body with his shadow as she showed no signs of waking yet.

 

Even bringing his face closer like that, no clear answer struck him like lightning.

 

He still didn’t know the reason for his own emotions or why Kisa so rejected both him and the medicine.

 

‘What a truly remarkable thing.’

 

From the beginning, there had been no rationality in his feelings toward Kisa, but Seyard hadn’t minded that much. They say love is always like that.

 

But to think it would be to this extent.

 

To think that even when Kisa made such foolish choices that he couldn’t understand at all, his desire to understand would come before resentment.

 

To think that being told not to act spoiled like a child would throw him into confusion as if he really had become a child.

 

The one grading Seyard’s test papers filled with wrong answers was none other than Kisa.

 

She drew red lines across his test papers without the slightest hesitation, and he could only watch helplessly.

 

Even as his pride crumpled like waste paper, he had no desire to storm out of the examination room.

 

Because someday, with extremely low probability, the day might come when he would write correct answers on his test paper.

 

“Seyard.”

 

At that moment, a voice heard from close by scattered his reverie.

 

Kisa, who had been sleeping in his recollection, opened her eyes clearly and looked at him.

 

“Did you hear what I just said?”

 

Oh dear, he had become an idiot once again.

 

However, skillfully hiding his emotions was one of Seyard’s innate talents.

 

Without revealing his bewilderment, he tilted his head slightly to the side.

 

“I’m sorry. What did you say?”

 

“I said thank you for coming out with me like this.”

 

A sudden proposal for a walk wasn’t enough, now even words of gratitude?

 

At Kisa’s successive words and actions that flustered him, Seyard briefly pondered how he should respond.

 

“Not at all. It’s only natural.”

 

But the words that came out of his mouth were so ordinary they could make one yawn.

 

Had he always been so poor with words? Whether he cursed his own impoverished eloquence or not, Kisa continued the conversation.

 

“Still, thank you. The… the atmosphere between us has been so bad lately.”

 

As if it was an awkward topic to speak about, she twisted her hair around her index finger.

 

But somehow her expression wasn’t entirely bad, which made Seyard’s heart stir.

 

“It’s a bit embarrassing to say this.”

 

Kisa, who had lost weight from her illness and had even received a warning from the doctor a few days ago, spoke in a voice as fragile as herself.

 

“I was sorry about that time.”

 

Once again, it was a statement that easily shattered Seyard’s expectations.

 

“Pardon?”

 

Kisa glanced lightly at him, who probably wore a dazed expression.

 

“I won’t say it twice. Because my resentment is greater. You deceived me countless times and brought me here against my will.”

 

“Kisa.”

 

“But that doesn’t mean I want to keep fighting with you with flushed faces or live like enemies.”

 

She lowered her head as if avoiding his gaze and stared at the blue-green grass.

 

“Being sick this time made me realize something. That I’m struggling just as much as you are.”

 

Seyard unconsciously drew in a breath.

 

“In that sense, I’m suggesting a truce.”

 

The moment he saw Kisa’s blue eyes meeting his again, the stirring in his chest stopped.

 

“Though our intentions may not align perfectly, let’s try to get along as well as we can.”

 

Since we’ll have a new family member soon. The words that followed were so quiet he could barely hear them.

 

Seyard couldn’t say anything for a long while.

 

Even though the morning had been overcast with dark clouds, he felt as if he had suddenly been given a clear sky.

 

Or rather, it was like discovering that a test paper he thought was completely wrong turned out to be more than half correct.

 

The change was so dramatic that before rejoicing, he first checked whether there might be some error in his perception.

 

“For example, in what way?”

 

As if it was an unexpected question, Kisa made a “hmm” sound and brushed her profile.

 

“Respecting each other as much as possible, and though it might not be like before, sometimes spending time together, and if it’s about matters concerning the child, discussing and deciding together… To be honest, I haven’t thought beyond that yet.”

 

Her contemplative face became somewhat clouded.

 

“Especially the role of the family’s mistress – I’m not confident about that. I know that as your wife, I should naturally take on that responsibility, but…”

 

“Such things are trivial matters.”

 

Saying something that would shock others if they heard it, Seyard approached Kisa closely.

 

She stiffened momentarily but didn’t avoid him or run away.

 

Soon, his ungloved hand slowly touched Kisa’s cheek.

 

“Would you forgive even something like this?”

 

Fortunately, very fortunately, his hand was not pushed away.

 

Instead, through the lukewarm warmth touching the back of his hand, Seyard realized anew how soft her palm was.

 

“The owner of this hand came to see me every single day without fail. On clear days and cloudy days. Always.”

 

The woman who murmured this gave an answer to his earlier question.

 

“As long as you properly ask permission beforehand.”

 

These were words of incomparable joy.

 

Seyard was truly so happy that he deliberately ignored the sense of déjà vu that bloomed from deep within his heart.