IYWHM SS 4

Side Story 4

Over the past year and some months, the Seyard she had observed.

That is, if she were to summarize her husband Seyard Hillan in a single phrase…

“He was quite cautious.”

“Cautious?”

Mana’s eyes widened at Kisa’s words.

“Yes, that’s right. I could clearly see him making an effort not to upset me as much as possible.”

Before spending time together, whether for walks or meals, he would always send someone to ask about Kisa’s intentions and schedule first, and even if Kisa declined, he wouldn’t particularly try to find out the reason.

If she so desired, it was an environment where she could live under the same roof without encountering Seyard for days on end.

“A married couple?”

Mana furrowed her brows with a somewhat surprised expression.

“Noble affairs must be quite different from ours, but somehow I find it hard to imagine. Does living in such a large house naturally lead to that?”

“Well, each household’s circumstances would be different. But I’ve heard that there are quite a few cases where couples live like strangers.”

“…What about you, Bella?”

“Me?”

She responded with “Yes,” then rolled her eyes this way and that, carefully choosing her words.

“Are you perhaps living like strangers with your husband? So coldly?”

At that question, Kisa pondered thoughtfully before slowly shaking her head.

“I don’t think we live like strangers. Though we can’t say our relationship as a couple is particularly intimate… Still, when we’re together, it’s quite…”

At that moment, she somehow thought of his arm. Seyard’s arm that had smoothly taken away the parasol from her hands on a sweltering summer day.

He naturally used it to block the blazing sunlight beating down on his wife’s head, then continued the walk without saying anything particular.

Actually, she had brought it for his sake.

Had he not noticed the wide-brimmed hat Kisa was wearing, or did it not matter to him?

Kisa couldn’t help but worry about his profile and nape exposed to the merciless summer sunlight.

He had such bright and smooth skin – wouldn’t it be a shame if it turned red? It would sting too.

[I have a hat, so I’m fine.]

When Kisa said this and pushed the arm holding the parasol back toward its owner, a pair of red eyes widened slightly.

He gazed at Kisa silently for a while, then returned the parasol to its original position.

[In summer, tanned skin would be more attractive on a man, I think.]

Kisa tried to push his arm away again, saying that wasn’t the case, but he wouldn’t easily back down either.

Eventually, after something that couldn’t even be called a tussle, the two agreed to share the parasol.

Since it was a parasol for one person, the back of Seyard’s neck couldn’t completely avoid the sunlight, but even that was much better than before.

Why was he so stubborn about such trivial things when he usually thoroughly respected her wishes? Kisa complained inwardly as she walked across the grass.

It was a memory from a summer day when their bodies pressed closer together than usual because they had to share the parasol, making her constantly aware of the contact.

“…”

Why was she remembering that walk with Seyard from last summer at this very moment?

Kisa closed her eyelids for a few seconds, then looked at Mana, who had patiently waited for her words until now.

“He’s quite affectionate. We may have fewer opportunities to be together than other couples, but when we are together, he treats me well. So it’s not bad. No, I think it’s good.”

At those words, Mana’s expression relaxed somewhat, but worry still remained on her face.

“You think it’s good – you don’t sound certain?”

“I’m not sure about that. It is good, but sometimes I feel strangely awkward about living such a peaceful daily life…”

Converting her ambiguous feelings into intuitive language was by no means an easy task.

Kisa had tried to do this several times before, but had failed each time.

However, now that Mana was beside her, looking at her with trusting eyes, the situation was different.

“I think I’m anxious. No, not ‘think’ – I am anxious.”

Kisa slowly and honestly recited her feelings.

“I’m not sure if it’s right to live so leisurely like this. Even if everything is smooth for now, there’s no telling when this peace might be shattered.”

“Bella…”

“I don’t think his words and actions are false. He really has changed. But…”

Would Seyard’s change truly be permanent? Wouldn’t he someday abandon his current cautious attitude and return to his former self?

When it came down to it, that wasn’t all. There were plenty of variables that could shatter their peace.

Even if Seyard remained the same, Kisa might ultimately fail to open her heart to him completely and their relationship could become distant, or perhaps time would simply pass and their feelings would naturally cool.

If not that, then there was also the possibility that unexpected misfortune could overtake their daily life. For instance, a calamity like the illness that had once taken her mother’s life.

“I know too. There’s nothing more pathetic than being frightened by making assumptions about an unpredictable future.”

Kisa’s voice as she said this trembled faintly.

“But strangely, once I become anxious, it’s hard to stop thinking. Why am I like this? Is there something wrong with me?”

After that hollow-sounding question, a few seconds passed before Mana spoke.

“Listen, Bella. Don’t think that I’m treating your concerns as trivial after hearing what I’m about to say.”

Having asked for understanding in advance, she continued in a careful but clear tone.

“Everyone feels anxiety. That’s true even for people whose present is perfectly happy.”

“…”

“Well, of course, if you’re anxious all the time without reason, or if the anxiety is too great, that’s a problem. But the Bella I saw today didn’t seem that way to me. And even at this moment when you’re discussing your worries, you don’t look as restless as you did when you lived in the same house as us.”

“The situation was very different then.”

She was being pursued by Seyard, was pregnant, and adapting to an unfamiliar environment was also challenging.

“I know. What I’m trying to say is that Bella’s anxiety doesn’t seem serious enough to be considered a problem. At least not from what I can see.”

“…You’re definitely right about that. Then why am I worrying about something like this?”

“Isn’t it that you’re not used to feeling secure?”

“Pardon?”

At the unexpected answer, when she looked up to meet her eyes, Mana touched her hair as if embarrassed.

“Actually, I was a bit like that in the past. When I escaped with Daisy with Mr. Gale’s help and built a new life.”

Her face was colored with longing for the distant past.

“Even after my life had stabilized to some extent, I often felt inexplicable anxiety, and looking back, I think it was anxiety stemming from awkwardness.”

“Awkwardness…?”

“My life had been full of hardships up until then. It would be natural to feel awkward about the first extended period of tranquility. I worried about what would happen if I accidentally ruined it.”

“…”

“I’m sorry if this is a misunderstanding, but I wondered if Bella might be similar to me, so I brought it up. From the first time I saw you, I somehow thought you were a bit like me.”

Under Mana’s gaze looking at her, Kisa opened her mouth as if mesmerized.

“Now that I think about it, yes. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as secure in my life as I do now.”

Her father’s oppressive education from childhood and her mother’s death had cast deep shadows over Kisa’s life.

At least Daniel, her first love, had been one of the few sources of joy, but the sense of not being loved by him had always made Kisa anxious.

‘Sure enough, he was doing such things behind my back.’

Later she met Seyard, and he properly cherished Kisa, but he brought anxiety in a different direction.

During the time she was hiding in Octava to escape from him, she was naturally in a state of constant tension.

In other words, the past year and a half could be said to be the first stability she had ever encountered.

No longer was there her father’s interference, her husband respected Kisa’s opinions, and the child who was born was lovely.

The duties of a duchess weren’t easy, but they were surprisingly rewarding too.

Though she sometimes felt anxious, she could say that the present was happy and satisfying.

‘This sensation was unfamiliar.’

Kisa clenched her hands placed on her knees at this new realization.

“Mana, thank you. Thanks to you, I’ve come to understand.”

Mana waved her hands dismissively while being as happy as if it were her own matter.

“Thank me for what? If it was helpful, I’m even more proud. And… since we’re on the topic, may I presume to give you some advice?”

“It’s not presumptuous at all. Please tell me.”

“Well, it’s good that you rely on me like today, but I can’t always be by your side. I’m not the person closest to Bella either.”

Pat pat. She raised her right hand and gently patted the back of Kisa, who was sitting beside her.

“Next time, try talking to the Duke.”

“…To him?”

“Yes, from what I can see, he seems like a decent person. Bella likes the Duke too, doesn’t she?”

With her mouth closed, Kisa simply nodded. She had liked and loved him, which was why she had returned here.

In the dark night where Daisy’s snoring could occasionally be heard, Mana quietly whispered to Kisa.

“It’s okay. You deserve to enjoy this happiness.”

****

As pleasant times tend to end quickly, the day came for Mana and Daisy to leave.

The child pleaded to stay just a few more days, but her mother was firm.

“No! Thanks to Bella, you got to sightsee the city to your heart’s content and received lots of presents. Now it’s time to return to daily life. I need to reopen the general store and you need to study at school.”

Daisy seemed greatly disappointed, but with the characteristic vitality of a child, she quickly regained her spirits.

“Bella, I’ll see you again next time!”

“Yes, I’ll look forward to it.”

“Sorry. I feel bad about only receiving help and leaving like this.”

“Oh, please don’t say such things.”

Kisa stood in front of the entrance, just as when they had reunited, and exchanged farewell greetings with the two in turn.

But just as Daisy was about to board the carriage, she suddenly exclaimed, “Ah!”

“I forgot to ask something!”

“What?”

“Sister, what’s the baby’s name?”

Following that, Mana also put her hand to her mouth and looked at Kisa.

“Come to think of it, I only heard that it was a boy, but I haven’t heard the name yet.”

Kisa opened her mouth with a slightly troubled expression.

“About the name. Actually, that’s…”

Somehow it was an embarrassing story to tell.

“We haven’t decided yet.”