ERTHMB Chapter 77

Terrible Hunger

 

Normally, he would have dismissed it as nonsense without giving it a second thought. But somehow, Eugene wanted to steal the woman’s strange optimism.

 

Even if it were a lie, he wanted to consume it. It seemed like it could soothe his terrible hunger.

 

It felt like it could compensate for the days he had endured chewing nothing but tree roots until his mouth tasted of earth.

 

Even though his feet had already left the battlefield, the gnawing hunger that had been eating away at his insides was being filled.

 

For that alone, Eugene began walking quietly along the forest path with the woman again. Between the sounds of insects chirping, the woman glanced at him sideways.

 

“I’m sorry if I was meddling unnecessarily. It’s just…um…hmm. Can I ask you something?”

 

Eugene nodded slightly.

 

“Have you ever cried?”

 

Eugene shook his head.

 

“Not once in your entire life? Except when you were born.”

 

“……”

 

“……Oh my. So that’s why your eyes look like that.”

 

The woman clicked her tongue lightly.

 

Eugene’s brow furrowed. What exactly is wrong with my eyes?

 

As if reading the inner thoughts conveyed through his gaze alone, the woman answered on her own.

 

“Your eyes are too sad. So much so that it hurts me just to look at them. It would be natural to cry, but you haven’t shed a single tear. They look like eyes that don’t even know what they’re enduring.”

 

Eugene asked himself inwardly: What would change if I knew?

 

His name wasn’t simply Eugene. It was a word that could only be complete when Evergale was attached to it.

 

[—The moment you submit even once, you’ll remain nothing but a loser.]

 

Eugene Evergale could never become a broken man.

 

While he was quietly pondering this question, the woman’s eyes suddenly widened as she looked at him.

 

“You’re hurt!”

 

The woman gasped and reached out her hand. Her fingertips, tinged with a pale color, touched below his collarbone. Eugene reflexively pulled his body back. The woman hastily withdrew her hand and apologized.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

 

It was just a brief touch of her fingers, but it was warm. Foolishly, he found himself wishing she would touch him again.

 

Was I the kind of person who longed for a woman’s warmth? The harsh battlefield had truly pushed many things to their limits.

 

Meanwhile, the woman turned around, seemingly trying to gauge the distance they had walked.

 

“Fortunately, it doesn’t seem like we’ve come very far yet. How about we go back now so you can receive treatment too, Sir Knight?”

 

“……”

 

“If you take it lightly and it gets infected, it’ll really be troublesome.”

 

No.

 

That wouldn’t happen. This was already an infected wound. It was a brand that had festered and burst long ago, leaving a scar.

 

It only looked like a fresh wound because of the bloodstains that had gotten on it when he carried the old man earlier. However, the woman frowned as if it were vivid pain.

 

“Don’t be like this, let’s go back quickly. Since you got hurt helping me, I’ll pay for the treatment.”

 

Something about those simple words sounded strange, so Eugene mulled over the sentence for a moment.

 

Ah. They also said the witch was a woman obsessed with money.

 

But now that stingy witch was willingly offering to pay money. For this trivial blemish that didn’t even look like a real wound.

 

Whether she was sincere or not, the woman grabbed his wrist and tried to lead him. Instead of being dragged along, Eugene actually pulled back with force. The woman, who had been about to turn around, ended up burying her nose in his chest due to the added momentum.

 

“Ah!”

 

The woman’s body jumped in surprise. She immediately pushed him away with both arms. Of course, because Eugene didn’t budge, she was the one who was pushed back.

 

Still, since the woman had managed to create some distance, she looked more relieved than flustered.

 

Even under the blue twilight, her cheeks looked vivid as if painted with apples. There was also a faint scar on her forehead.

 

Eugene was beginning to understand a little of the woman’s seemingly nonsensical words.

 

‘Even if you can’t forget forever, it won’t stagnate forever.’

 

The young and long nights that he thought he would never be able to forget for the rest of his life. Those nights were becoming blurred.

 

This moment, this night, was covering all the nights that had whipped his body and mind like twilight.

 

He didn’t even hope for paradise. He just needed space to breathe. He wanted the leisure to catch his breath.

 

Despite being an empty tin can, he wanted someone to embrace his heavy self.

 

He wanted to embrace arms that weren’t just warm, but where he could be understood.

 

Even if it meant devouring her.

 

Blind affection was inherently like that. It was selfishness that knew nothing of consideration. And for Eugene, it was a very easy thing to do. Even if they were different in nature, it was ultimately the same pain.

 

‘If this is fate, then it must be fate.’

 

He couldn’t tell whether it would become a relationship of swallowing poison or sharing honey.

 

But Eugene took steps with a stride smaller than his leg length. He ambiguously closed the distance she had created.

 

Maintaining a gap that was neither particularly close nor distant, in a voice that was neither particularly sweet nor cold, he asked.

 

“Are you Helena Owen?”

 

****

 

That night, Helena was terribly fond of Eugene’s voice that she heard for the first time.

 

Even though it was just her own name thrown out roughly and without artifice, she even loved that simplicity.

 

She loved it so much that sometimes it seemed like that voice was calling her. She had stopped and turned around alone more than once or twice.

 

But now, Helena quickened her walking pace.

 

There was no one making crude jokes with vulgar language, and she was no longer called a witch. She kept her head down, embarrassed to make eye contact.

 

This was because someone was persistently following behind her.

 

Moreover, he wasn’t the kind of man who would give up with just this level of non-verbal rejection.

 

Ian hovered around interfering with her path, and when Helena continued to ignore him to the end, he completely blocked her way.

 

Then he appealed as if quite aggrieved.

 

“Once a week ago at the well, once three days ago at the vacant lot, three times yesterday at the blacksmith’s, and now.”

 

“……?”

 

“We’ve only encountered each other four times in a week.”

 

“……We must have both been busy.”

 

Ian sighed as if exasperated by her indifferent answer.

 

“I waited for two hours. Isn’t this avoiding me too obviously?”

 

“I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”

 

“If you’ve grown to dislike me, if you want to maintain this damn distance forever, just tell me. I’ll at least try to think about you less.”

 

Helena quickly raised her head. Finally, their eyes met. It felt like electricity exploded throughout her entire body.

 

Helena barely managed to open her mouth.

 

“……I don’t dislike you. I don’t want this distance to continue either.”

 

“Then why—”

 

“Because I’m scared.”

 

Her true feelings spilled out before she could choose her answer.

 

Both Helena and Ian stared at each other with their mouths agape.

 

Ian stammered.

 

“Am I, am I scary?”

 

It was the first time in his life he had made such a foolishly dumbfounded sound. A vague question struck his head first, followed by reasonable fear.

 

Could she have noticed what happened last time? Is that why she’s become afraid of him?

 

His inner thoughts were about to spill out recklessly.

 

To control another mistake, Ian repeatedly opened and closed his vocal cords silently. Unable to confess his shame with his own mouth, he cowardly probed.

 

“Tell me what you’re afraid of. I’ll fix it right away.”

 

“……”

 

Helena just stared at him quietly. Ian’s throat bobbed with tension.

 

Helena soon turned around and began walking.

 

Ian stood still for a moment before finally stepping forward. During the few minutes he walked alongside her, Helena remained silent throughout. Only the occasional sound of stepping on crumbling fallen leaves filled the silence.

 

Swoosh—

 

A rustling wind passed by, combing through the trees’ heads. Colorful leaves fell like scattered flower petals. Catching one in her palm, Helena said quietly.

 

“Now when I see plane trees, I’ll think of the walking paths with you.”

 

The nearly moisture-less plane tree leaf stem spun round and round between her thin fingers. Helena continued.

 

“When I hold a sword, your voice echoes around me, and when I eat Sakin’s sweet desserts, I just think of you. Then when I suddenly look back at some moment… at that time… I’m afraid you might not be there.”

 

Another breeze passed by. The plane tree leaf escaped Helena’s hand and flew away. Fixing her gaze on its trajectory, Helena pleaded.

 

“So please stop making me keep you. Stop making me treasure you. Stop making me greedy.”

 

“No. I can’t do that.”

 

“Then what should I do?”

 

Now I don’t have the confidence to push you away anymore.

 

Helena stopped walking. Her desperate eyes finally turned toward Ian.

 

Ian spoke gently.

 

“It’s simple, Helena. Just be greedy. Be as greedy as you want. However much you desire…”

 

As if all his actions required no resolve whatsoever, as if it were a natural principle, he breathed life into Helena.

 

“I’ll give until I’m breathless.”

 

****

 

Hyer, located inland, rarely had cloudy days. August five years ago was particularly like that.

 

The time when Eugene visited Hyer like it was his own home every other day after meeting Helena.

 

As if cheering him on, the sky was always blue, and she was always beautiful.

 

Beautiful enough that he would willingly tear apart the net that Aslan had woven with his entire life.

 

Aslan had loved for the sake of his successor. Eugene wanted to love for himself.

 

He wouldn’t overcome his shadow or anything. He would just let it pass by. It seemed like he could do that with this woman.

 

He liked eyes that looked at him without expectant gazes. He wanted arms that would willingly open without demanding compensation.

 

“Please go back now. And I would appreciate it if you didn’t come looking for me anymore.”

 

Although she was busy pushing him away now, just by looking at her, he could tell how warm she would be. So if he actually embraced her, if he held her so full in his arms that she overflowed, how hot would it be?

 

It was truly fortunate that Aslan was now buried six feet under.

 

If he had been alive, Eugene would not have hesitated to pour molten metal, not dirt, into his eyes. And he would do it every single day.