ERTHMB Chapter 107

Moderately Happy

The next morning, Helena returned to her room carrying dried laundry. Among them were the clothes she had worn yesterday—the clothes that Eugene had rubbed his face against her knees and thighs.

Though she had changed less than half a day ago, Helena had taken off her clothes as soon as he left. She had realized that the part where Eugene had clung was slightly damp.

No way. That couldn’t be. Eugene Evergale wouldn’t do such a thing carelessly. He must have spilled tea or something while I wasn’t looking.

However, when Eugene had lifted his head, the area around his eye was red. His single eye was covered with a thin layer of moisture.

Even a man who would never do such a thing could become a man who might, when faced with clear evidence. But Helena deliberately turned away.

There were more important things to worry about. The man who had naturally come in and sat beside her, who had now become her very nerves.

Ian tilted his head to check Helena’s face and asked.

“Why do you look so down from this morning? I heard the Grand Duke visited yesterday, so perhaps—”

“It’s not that.”

Fearing Ian might say more, Helena made a cutting motion. She was also physically cutting with scissors, snipping away the loose yarn that stuck out from the finished scarf. The scarf had already been completed the night before.

Thanks to the yarn given by Samte, the large knight, she had been able to finish it without going into the next day.

Helena folded the scarf neatly and placed it next to the dried laundry. Then Ian immediately unfolded it and wrapped it around his neck. Helena immediately reached for his neck.

“What are you doing? Give it here.”

“Isn’t it my gift anyway?”

“No.”

“You keep saying no since earlier. You know that makes it even more suspicious, right?”

“This really isn’t. This is, this is…”

It was for that child with red hair and a pretty smiling face. My younger sibling who resembles me.

Helena ultimately took back the scarf despite Ian’s resistance. Ian looked at her glaring eyes and let out a light snort.

“Then what’s the real reason you’re in a bad mood?”

“…”

“Helena. I said I trust you.”

He was always like this. He didn’t ask to be trusted but showed trust first, saying he believed. He even stole away the opportunity to give affection.

So ultimately, he was a mailbox. A red mailbox like the red scarf, where anything could be said.

Helena had no choice but to soften her sharp demeanor. As he said, she was in quite a sensitive state. She couldn’t deny that her temper had unknowingly become on edge.

Well, today was…

“…It’s my birthday. Today.”

It was her birthday.

Ian’s pupils dilated somewhat. He stared at Helena blankly, then said he had almost made a bone-deep mistake, and was relieved to know even now.

When he urged her to have a very happy day, Helena added:

“—It’s also my younger sibling’s death anniversary.”

“….”

The excited atmosphere immediately sank. The space that had been about to start a birthday party became dark like a funeral. Heavy air circulated, unsuitable for the fresh morning.

Helena felt a little sorry. But since he said he trusted her, she had to tell him. She couldn’t tolerate any misunderstanding that would distance them.

Helena carefully folded the scarf again and spoke calmly.

“My sibling died every winter of the year I regressed to. Though the regression was incomprehensible, that one thing was good. Seeing Basil alive again.”

It was really good. Even knowing that Eugene’s love would fall like a natural law, it was enough to steel her resolve to endure the next regression again.

Perhaps this time, she could change everything—it was enough to foolishly embrace such vain hope.

It was undoubtedly Eugene who had breathed expectation into living a regressed life.

However, it was Basil who had sustained that life. If there was one thing she had overlooked during that time, it was that life existed only to give her pain.

Helena carefully placed her hand on the soft scarf. As if caressing someone’s hair, she stroked it several times.

As if the layers of accumulated guilt could be lessened by continuing to touch it, she kept caressing it and said:

“But this time I regressed after Basil died. That had never happened before… What if I missed an opportunity to save Basil?”

Ian placed his hand over Helena’s and answered.

“You can’t change everything.”

“I know. That’s why I’ve come this far.”

Ian opened his mouth to reply, but this time Helena was faster.

“That’s why I’m even more confused.”

Helena intertwined Ian’s thumb covering her hand with her own thumb and fidgeted with it. Then she lifted her head and looked at him directly, making it easier to speak.

“I don’t understand why I keep regressing, what I exist to leave in this world. At first, I thought it was to fix my relationship with Eugene. Next, I believed it was to save Basil. But nothing changed.”

Time flowed like dominoes lined up in a long row, falling precisely in formation at predetermined moments. Events that had to happen inevitably happened.

Helena secretly worried whether her own death two years later was also an ‘event that must happen.’ Walter’s… perhaps even Natasha’s death.

“Is there really a reason for repeating fate?”

Helena asked. Though she was somewhat skeptical, her expression wasn’t despairing. Rather, she showed a stronger desire to truly understand.

Ian enjoyed Helena’s caressing touch, but he wasn’t casual about her question.

Actually, since Helena had questioned her existence, there had been one person—no, two people—that came to mind.

“A reason… Well, I have a subordinate who only believes what he can see.”

“Elai?”

Ian’s eyebrows rose at the immediate correct answer.

“You’ve already had such conversations? When?”

“…The day before yesterday while watching the rainbow. Elai dropped his notebook, and somehow I ended up seeing its contents… Elai explained everything. That he suffers from amnesia.”

After finishing her words, Helena lightly tapped Ian’s furrowed brow.

“Why are you in a bad mood now?”

“…That guy isn’t one to readily reveal such things.”

Understanding the nuance, Helena quickly moved her hand from Ian’s brow and hurriedly explained.

“I didn’t force him to explain anything. I just—”

“I know.”

Ian grasped Helena’s retreating hand and pulled her closer.

“It’s just that Elai seems to like you too. That guy is quite cunning, so even if he’s being charming, you mustn’t be swayed. Understood?”

Ian, who had intertwined their fingers instead of just holding hands, made this request while pulling up the corners of his mouth at their close distance.

Helena gazed at the man who filled her entire view. Such pretty pale purple crystals were clear. So her reflection showed even more clearly. A woman blushing shyly like a maiden was there inside them.

Helena pressed Ian’s lips with her other hand that wasn’t caught.

“Make such requests without blocking my view. You always make it so I can only see you.”

However, Ian pulled that hand down too, then gave Helena a light kiss on the bridge of her nose before pulling away. The mint scent he left for a moment was refreshing.

“You shouldn’t make my heart flutter too much either. I’m barely holding back even now.”

Contrary to his words about holding back, he came close again without getting tired of it. Pushing him away, who was clinging almost like an embrace, Helena urgently returned to the main topic.

“Anyway, why did you suddenly bring up Elai?”

“Ah.”

A short exclamation of realization burst out. Ian trapped Helena in his crossed arms as a suitable compromise and said:

“Evidence that can’t be seen is really hard to believe. So I’ll find it. Clear evidence that’s plainly visible.”

“What evidence?”

“Evidence that your existence has left in this world. You’ve already left something.”

“…What is it?”

“I’ll show you later. I need some time to prepare the evidence too.”

Ian kissed her cheek once more while Helena was off guard and left. Helena threw a pillow at the back of his head as he exited the room.

****

Ian returned after noon had passed. Instead of evidence, he held something else in his hand. It was a flower crown woven haphazardly with wildflowers.

Despite Helena’s refusal, the crude flower crown was determinedly placed on her head.

“Lily made it.”

“…”

Helena quietly lowered the hand that had been about to remove the flower crown. Ian took that hand and led her outside, saying they should go out.

His expression clearly showed he had prepared something and they should hurry to enjoy it. Such signs sparkled like sunlight scattered on the sea.

Helena put strength in her heels and stood firm.

“I’m really grateful that you want to take care of me. But if I do this… I won’t have the face to see Basil. I don’t want to be happy today. I can’t be happy. Just leave me alone.”

However, Ian was someone who didn’t know giving up. As if he had never even considered the possibility of accepting Helena’s refusal, he moved his three-inch tongue without pause.

“Then let’s be moderately happy.”

“…What?”

“You need to be happy, but your guilt won’t allow it. So let’s be moderately happy.”

Helena couldn’t argue further. With those eyes, smiling so brightly white, saying such things. Who in the world could defy your words?

Helena was dragged out the door by him like a soldier who had completely lost the will to fight.

The guild they encountered was in a small festival atmosphere. A pleasant tension circulated like a water droplet at surface tension, about to burst or not. As soon as Helena stepped on the dirt road, confetti burst.

“Happy birthday!”

Loud cheers burst following the confetti. Colorful paper pieces scattered like cherry blossom petals. Helena could distinguish her surroundings once the confetti had settled somewhat.

First, a sweet aroma that overwhelmed the forest wind scent hit her strongly. In front of her eyes, a large cake was prominently displayed.

It was a pretty cake like an illustration from a fairy tale book, with blue and yellow cream dotted around like stars in the night sky.

Of course, compared to the birthday banquets she had attended while at Evergale, it was a modest size. As Ian had said, it was just the right size to be moderately happy.

But Helena felt an incomparable sense of fulfillment compared to that time. It was a joy too ridiculously large to be contained in the word “moderately.”