IDIBC Chapter 17

I Really Want to Be Engaged to You, Your Grace

“Why?”

Ricardo’s voice flowed out smoothly, not the least bit flustered.

“In a hurry?”

I wanted to see his expression as he spoke in that playful tone, but opening my eyes would not be at all beneficial to me right now.

“I have something to tell you.”

“Ah…….”

A rustling sound came as he either put on or took off clothes—I couldn’t tell which. When I sneaked a glance, I saw him standing with his back turned, his upper body completely exposed.

“Hiiik.” A startled breath involuntarily escaped. But why couldn’t I tear my gaze away from his broad back?

“Standing there?”

“Pardon?”

“I’m asking if you’re going to speak standing there.”

Only then did I realize I was in an awkward position, having taken just one step into the room. With my hand still tightly gripping the doorknob.

“If you keep the door open like that, everyone will know you came to see me in the middle of the night.”

“…….”

“Well, does it matter if they know?”

No, it does matter. I haven’t given up on my life yet. Right now my goal is to be temporarily engaged to him, but later I dream of living happily with a reliable husband and rabbit-like children.

As I hurriedly stepped inside, he put on a robe and went to sit on the sofa. Then he gestured at the space in front of him, indicating I should sit.

I suppressed the urge to approach him and close his robe properly, tying the string at his waist tightly, and demurely took my seat.

While I hesitated for a moment, unsure how to begin, he started the conversation first.

“I heard you met the Duchess?”

“Yes, along with the Duke.”

“Care for a drink?”

Without even waiting for an answer, Ricardo immediately filled his own glass and poured liquor into mine as well. I gripped the glass tightly but didn’t drink. Since meeting with the ducal couple, not even a sip of water had gone down my throat.

“Mrs. Fennel, Sabrina, Jonathan.”

I looked directly into his eyes. No matter how much my heart raced whenever I saw him, I had no intention of dangling my family’s lives before his eyes.

“They’re my family. Please save them.”

Because right now, nothing is more desperate to me than this.

“Why should I?”

As if his slight smile from just moments ago had been a lie, a cold expression crossed his face. Yes, he has no obligation to save my family.

I should be grateful he saved me alone. But I can’t be happy having saved only my own life without my family. Before I knew it, they had become one pillar of my happiness.

“You may not remember, but you owe them a debt too. You do, Your Grace.”

“I think I’ve already repaid that debt by saving their lives once.”

Ricardo must have prepared his responses in advance. Judging by how he kept blocking my words.

“N-no. That one time isn’t enough to repay such a great debt.”

“Lies.”

“Ah…….”

My eyes, which couldn’t lie, wavered like they’d been struck by a storm—enough that anyone could tell without needing to gauge the truth. Honestly, I couldn’t say that Sabrina and Jonathan had risked their lives to protect him like I had.

“In any case, you need me right now.”

“That’s why I’m keeping you here.”

“What if I say I’ll die?”

“Didn’t the Duchess make herself clear?”

He crossed his legs and stretched leisurely. Even smiling slightly, as if something amused him.

“I understand the Duchess also gave you another solution besides that.”

He was already as good as the master of this mansion. There’s no way the conversation that took place in the drawing room today wouldn’t have reached his ears. Besides, the ducal couple didn’t seem particularly intent on keeping it secret.

If my opponent knew all my cards, what I could do was limited.

I sprang up from my seat. His head, holding a liquor glass, followed my face.

Without taking my eyes off him, I slowly approached.

As I drew close to him, my wildly beating heart felt like it would jump right out of my mouth at any moment. But I knelt on one knee before him, like a man in love proposing.

Ricardo frowned slightly, but I didn’t hesitate.

I immediately reached out and placed my hand on his prominently raised knee. I involuntarily shivered at the touch of the soft silk. My hands, cold since daytime, had stiffened even more from clutching the liquor glass.

“What…… are you doing right now?”

His eyes were still ash-gray, but his voice contained anger. Yet for some reason, he didn’t push my hand away. I gripped the fabric of his clothes circling my palm even tighter.

“I’ll do anything.”

“What……?”

For the first time, his eyes wavered. A slight light appeared, but not enough color to distinguish in the darkness. For now, it was fortunate if he felt any emotion at all.

“As you know, I have nothing right now. All I have is this worthless body.”

“…….”

“I’ll do as you say. If you tell me to get engaged, I will; if you say to marry, I will; and if one day you tell me to leave, I’ll go without looking back.”

I bowed my head a little more and leaned my cheek against my hand gripping his knee. I felt his body flinch and stiffen.

“If you tell me to love you, I will; if you tell me not to even do that, I’ll comply. When the Saintess eventually becomes your companion, I’ll scatter flowers on the path you walk with her. If you tell me to serve the woman who will be your wife, I can even do that.”

He gripped my shoulder hard and pushed me away from him. His lips curved up, but his eyes weren’t smiling at all. His blood-red lips created a strange atmosphere.

“You’ll do…… whatever I tell you?”

“Yes.”

“Even if I tell you to strip right now?”

I couldn’t even think to suppress the small laugh that escaped.

“Yes, even if you tell me to lick your feet right now without a thread of clothing, I…….”

I didn’t avoid Ricardo’s persistently staring eyes by even an inch. Hoping his gaze would strip me bare and know my sincerity inside and out.

“I can do it.”

Truth.

“So please, save my family. That’s the only thing that matters to me right now.”

This was also truth.

If someone witnessed what was happening between Ricardo and me right now, they might call me a shameless woman. But I wasn’t being servile in the least.

I didn’t feel ashamed of myself. Shame is an emotion one should feel when failing to protect what must be protected. I will make every effort to protect the people I must protect.

Therefore.

“I really want to be engaged to you, Your Grace.”

This was also undoubtedly the truth.

For the first time, Ricardo averted his gaze from me first. He leaned his head completely back against the sofa and placed his arm over his forehead.

As Ricardo’s shoulders shook with laughter, his bare chest heaved.

I hastily tore my gaze from that smooth chest and returned to my seat as if nothing had happened.

Having conveyed what I wanted to say, my throat suddenly felt parched. Clink—the ice in my glass melted and slid smoothly into the liquor.

“Are you imitating the oath of the slaves of the Principality of Resotia right now?”

“That’s right.”

“So you’ll become my slave?”

“My current situation isn’t much different from the slaves of the Principality anyway.”

A hand suddenly reached out and gently lifted my chin, which had been fixed on the liquor glass.

His gaze beneath the black hair that had fallen forward, wet, was sharp. My shoulders involuntarily hunched.

“To a woman who carelessly visits a man’s room in the dead of night, this much would be gentlemanly behavior, wouldn’t it?”

The sound of dry saliva going down my throat rumbled like thunder in my ears. Surely he’s not really telling me to strip right now, is he? I lowered my eyes slightly, worried he might notice my anxious feelings.

“Especially if that woman says all she has is her body and she’ll do anything.”

His face slowly approached. As if to kiss me. Without realizing it, my breath stopped and my mind grew distant. But as if mocking my worries, he passed my face and whispered in my ear.

“Don’t go around carelessly saying all you have is your body.”

Ricardo’s words, spoken as if chewing them, seemed to reflect my pitiful circumstances.

And the moment his lips tilted a bit more toward my ear, even my self-deprecation vanished without a trace. Hot breath tickled the fine hairs on my cheek. My body stiffened—I couldn’t move a single finger.

“This is your last warning.”

Leaving behind a warning tinged with mockery, he pulled away from me in an instant. Or tried to. If I hadn’t roughly reached out and grabbed his robe.

“No.”

I pulled his collar even harder so he couldn’t avert his eyes from me. We were close enough for our breaths to mingle. My heart lurched greatly. I wanted to run away from this place immediately, but I had no time to hesitate.

“Look straight into my eyes, Rica. Because from now on, I’m only going to speak the truth.”

If I can’t save my family, I can’t live anyway. Once the Saintess becomes his companion, my usefulness will also disappear. Even if Rochester shows mercy and protects me after I’ve outlived my usefulness, how could I live alone in this world with no one?

So right now, I had absolutely no choice.

“If it weren’t for me…… you would have already died at age twelve.”

Of course he wouldn’t have died. But could one dare say someone who endured those harsh years truly lived? In my fragmented memories, his eyes were already dead. So what I was saying now was certainly the truth.

“Just because you erased your memories doesn’t mean the debt you owe me disappears. Because I remember everything.”