ERTHMB SS 1

IF (Eugene’s Regression)

Just as there is no stream that flows in only one direction, the same was true for the world’s causality.

According to the law of causality, there were no emotions that pooled in just one place. Just as Helena held onto Eugene, there existed a world where Eugene too could not let go of Helena.

In that world, it was always Eugene who was abandoned.

So the Eugene of that world knew.

“Are you Helena Owen?”

It was probably from that moment.

When God began to completely forsake him.

Eugene, who had loved a witch wandering the streets as a Grand Duchess, thought so.

“Strangely, I feel at peace only when I’m by your side. The more I think of you, the more I miss you. I wish you would… feel the same way about me.”

From the moment he encountered Helena Owen, the owner of his heart who had truly seen him, all his blessings and tragedies were born.

But it was a realization that no longer mattered.

‘How did it come to this.’

Eugene should have realized sooner about time. Before that power that fades everything, both blessings and tragedies became increasingly distant like a swamp swallowed by fog.

Helena’s crying voice, which had been endlessly clear, faded murkily into the distance and the sound of rough waves could be heard. As if announcing the end of the world, splashing against his ears, splash, splash.

“Stop. Don’t come any closer.”

Finally, once again. Her declaration that drove a blade into his neck fell at last.

It was as concise as the fall she would soon cast him into below the cliff, without a single unnecessary word. It didn’t take many words to change from an endlessly beloved wife to a woman who resented him.

Eugene staggered forward as his legs moved. It was difficult because tears filled his eyes and he couldn’t see well ahead.

He could barely feel that his cheeks and around his eyes, scratched by the fierce sea wind, stung terribly. His shattered heart seemed to have no pulse anymore.

The bitterly salty chill gripped and twisted him to the bone. Eugene tried to ruminate on the past within it, then decided to stop thinking.

When he deeply bowed his head and rubbed his face, Helena’s body scent drifted on the wind.

“Eugene.”

His name that came out riding a pleasant, soft resonance, just like when he first met her.

The voice mixed with an understated intonation always had an atmosphere that was somehow fragilely breakable yet strong.

Even if someone said it was a witch’s base scheme, to Eugene it was just one of the many reasons he came to love her.

However.

If he had known that voice would become such poison and crush his breath, would he not have loved you?

‘No. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have come this far.’

So this is how it turned out again. Eugene cast off the smile that remained bitter no matter how much he washed it away and faced Helena.

“You’re the worst.”

Eugene spat out tear-mixed words and forcibly met her eyes, which no longer held even a handful of warmth.

“If you were going to abandon me like this, you shouldn’t have approached me in the first place.”

He wanted to be cold-hearted this time, but his lips trembled as he spoke. More so because he was barely holding back tears.

It was so sorrowful and sorrowful again that resentful grief gradually welled up.

Even though he had been abandoned over and over again, Eugene was always sorrowful when this moment came.

“You shouldn’t have given me affection. You shouldn’t have warmly embraced me. You shouldn’t have said you loved me. Not if you couldn’t see it through to the end!”

Finally, an outcry close to a scream burst out. It surged and surged until it finally collapsed unsightly.

“You shouldn’t have… shouldn’t have… reached out your hand to me.”

Only his completely hoarse voice subsided like smoldering ashes.

Her single cold gaze hurt Eugene more than the name of Aslan that had pressed down on his breath his entire life. All the more because her eyes weren’t originally like that.

“Then I would have lived resigned to the fact that my life was originally this dark and wretched. Why did you make me hope and then throw me to the bottom to make me more miserable. Was it so enjoyable to watch me be swayed by your every word?”

“Do you think you have the right to be angry at me now, Eugene?”

“You said you loved me. You said you would be with me always. After promising like that… am I, am I… still only worth this much to you?”

“You brought that upon yourself, Eugene. No matter how important the Evergale name was, you shouldn’t have killed my child.”

“I told you it wasn’t me, damn it! It was Christine Evergale. It’s true. You of all people should believe me!”

“…Ha, Eugene.”

Helena let out a deep breath, deflating her swollen chest.

Eugene wished he could go deaf so he wouldn’t have to hear the next words.

However, as if bound by Helena’s gaze, even covering his ears with his frozen hands was not permitted.

“Repay with your wretched remaining life the sin of taking my child from me.”

Drip, a single tear falling down Helena’s cheek finally dug cruelly into his chest.

The opaquely connected gaze stung as if slashing his entire body.

“No, Helena. Please, please stop!”

Despite Eugene’s desperate cry, Helena turned away with a face both crying and smiling.

In his first life, Eugene didn’t know what he had lost. Not until she finally bid farewell by abandoning her life before his very eyes.

But even realizing it was useless. No matter how much Eugene struggled, the ending for him and Helena was only destruction.

With only the light sound of falling footsteps, her figure disappeared before his eyes. The swirling sea wind filled that space.

Ah, ah, ah…….

A sigh that couldn’t quite form into sentences lingered in Eugene’s throat.

For him, whose everything was her love, if that love was withdrawn. If there was no way back.

“How am I supposed to live without you?”

Please tell me, Helena.

The contemplation wasn’t long. Under the dawn’s first light, a huge wave crashed down.

Thus Helena’s fourth life came to a close.

“Gasp, huk..….!”

When he opened his eyes to a new life once again.

Eugene finally realized.

That it was time to properly begin his love with you.

****

Helena died again five years after regression. And on the day of the wedding ceremony, she would open her eyes on her bed.

“Who… are you?”

As usual, the revived Helena didn’t remember him at all. When Eugene reached out his hand, she shrank back like a young beast facing an enemy.

Eugene pleaded, knowing it was a line he had repeated so many times that it was crushed on his lips.

“Say my name, Helena.”

Though all Eugene had done was sit before Helena, his breathing became labored.

“Please.”

However, Helena only looked up at him with large wary eyes. Her lips remained firmly closed, not uttering any words. In the end, it was back to square one again.

So Eugene decided to start over from the beginning. If he couldn’t untangle a terribly twisted knot, he could cut it and retie it. That would do.

Eugene withdrew his recklessly extended hand and instead sat at the edge of the bed. Then he leaned forward carefully like a keeper soothing a frightened beast.

“I am your husband.”

“……?”

Meeting her lukewarm gaze painfully, Eugene continued with difficulty.

“And you loved me. Very much.”

Helena tilted her head slightly. However, she still looked at Eugene with unstable eyes that hadn’t let down their guard.

Eugene extended his hand slightly more and called her again.

“Helena.”

Then Helena’s face crumpled. Eugene couldn’t be certain whether she wanted to continue being called Helena.

Nevertheless, he had to give certainty. Her place was here, by his side. Memories could be rebuilt.

“Your name is Helena. Helena Evergale, the Grand Duchess of Evergale.”

Helena’s brow furrowed more deeply. Eugene slowly extended his hand and removed a strand of hair stuck to Helena’s cheek, brushing it aside. Helena flinched but didn’t avoid it this time.

After contemplating for a long while with trembling eyes, Helena finally moved her lips.

“Your name is……?”

Her shrinking yet upright head and her fragile yet firm blue eyes. Helena was exactly as she was at first.

Eugene answered as if he had gained the whole world.

“Eugene. Eugene Evergale.”

As if repeating after him, Helena quietly followed with her mouth. Eugene suppressed his fingers that itched to embrace her at any moment and repeatedly explained the situation and himself.

Though Helena was skeptical at first, she gradually accepted it after seeing traces of herself left throughout the mansion. She found the Evergale residence too large for her frame, it was awkward yet pleasing.

Six months passed that way. During that time, Helena had barely become comfortable enough to say Eugene’s name without hesitation.

Very occasionally, she would throw little tantrums too.

“I don’t like this, Eugene. You couldn’t have given me something this flashy as a wedding anniversary gift. You know more about me than I do.”

“……Do you really think so?”

“Someone as sweet as you wouldn’t have done that.”

Eugene casually threw away the dress that could no longer exist in the world and pulled Helena into an embrace, burying his face in her shoulder and deeply breathing in. It felt like breathing in invisible happiness.

Though it was time trapped in a hamster wheel-like cycle, Eugene was happy. If he could just keep these moments, he wouldn’t mind being trapped forever.

More time passed that way. When the day marking five years came, Helena once again stood at the crossroads of death. As if this scene alone was destined to decorate the last page of a book.

She stretched her lips this time too as if daring him to try to stop her if he could. The sea wind cut between them and blew fiercely.

“Goodbye, Eugene.”

This time, Eugene didn’t try to stop her.

Her goodbye always gave him a strange feeling. As if it weren’t a farewell but a promise to meet again.

It was a goodbye that handed over countless past days as bookmarks inserted in memories. As if to say, whenever you miss Helena Evergale, you can open them anytime.

So Eugene could only smile even as her fall was before his eyes.

“Goodbye, Helena.”

We’ll meet again. Over and over, anytime.

Even if everyone called it a sad ending, to him it was a happy goodbye.

In the next life too, and the life after that. Even if she endlessly didn’t remember him, it was okay.

As long as Helena returned to him, Eugene could live.

Forever within this repeating time.