IDIBC Chapter 99

I Won’t Run Away

“I won’t run away. I won’t even be hurt by things I haven’t done wrong. Now that the enemy is clear, it’s actually fortunate.”

Just as Ricardo had said, if he was swept away by water, I could be swept away with him, and if he was struck dead by lightning, I could thrust a blade into my own body.

And if he should happen to burn in fire, all I had to do was leap into the same flames as him.

So there was nothing to fear, nothing to complicate.

“I won’t waver, nor will I hide somewhere.”

I had never backed down in the face of things that seemed frightening. So that fear wouldn’t consume me completely.

“If Ricardo threw himself into the fire for me, then I’m the one who doesn’t want to make that sacrifice in vain.”

“…….”

“I will never be frightened beforehand. Who knows what whim that god will pull next.”

The last part was almost like talking to myself.

Rumble crash—as if the god was mocking my resolution, thunder roared terrifyingly.

After that, in the drawing room filled only with silence, nothing could be heard except the sound of rain. I turned my gaze to the rain-drenched garden.

So many thoughts were swirling that it felt like my surroundings were turning white.

“Ha.”

A breath that could have been either admiration or a sigh escaped from the Crown Princess.

The sky that had been pouring rain with fierce intensity darkened even more, then soon light flickered between the clouds.

Whether the dark clouds had temporarily retreated from the sky, the surroundings brightened and the lightning’s flash was no longer clearly visible.

I thought this while staring blankly out the window.

I must tell Sabrina today. That I won’t leave, but you and the family must leave Dermeier the morning after tomorrow.

As I was gauging what to do first, the Crown Princess put back on the robe she had worn here.

When she moved, I was startled and stepped back slightly with a slight bow, and she burst into laughter as if it were absurd.

“Now of all times?”

“Pardon?”

“Are you trying to treat me like royalty now of all times?”

I couldn’t think of anything particular to say to her, so I just moved my lips foolishly like an idiot. When our eyes met, she smiled lightly again. Somehow her face looked relieved.

It resembled the smiles of the women of the Resotian village who said they had made all the preparations they could for the coming typhoon.

The desert typhoon was frightening and left nothing behind. But the women stubbornly built a new foundation in that very place. Every single time without exception, fearlessly, embracing new hope.

What was different? Between our current situation and theirs?

Protect what you can until you can, and if there’s something to lose, you’ll lose it. After that, those who remain just need to hold hands and start again.

Those who remain will be able to live on, if only for the reason that they did their best even though they couldn’t protect everything.

“We should have met sooner.”

“Pardon?”

“I mean you.”

“Why me…….”

I trailed off, saying ‘I probably didn’t make a very good impression today,’ but the Crown Princess seemed to understand my unspoken thoughts and chuckled.

“Actually, I’m in a position where I can’t do anything right now except rely on your benevolence… so I tried to put on a bit of a tough act. Though it was futile.”

“…….”

“I wondered why that remarkable man loves you so much……”

Though it was the word ‘love’ I hadn’t heard from Ricardo himself, between him who had walked into flames for me and myself, it was indeed a meaningless word.

“You’re a truly strong person. It’s frightening.”

“I’m not really that strong.”

As if my answer wasn’t necessary, the Crown Princess smiled and continued speaking. She looked so composed that she didn’t seem like the woman who had been trembling with fear just moments ago.

“I thought you’d be as frightened as I was by what I said today… I was foolish. You’ve given me much to reflect on.”

The Crown Princess’s attitude in admitting her own foolishness was impeccable, both as royalty and as a human being.

The very decision to have another child in a situation like this was like that.

“So that’s why even the noble-as-the-sky Young Duke Chaplin would tremble those teal eyes so unsightly?”

“…….”

“The fiancée of Duke Rochester has no fear whatsoever, she even colors me with it.”

As soon as the robe covered her shoulders, she wrapped her belly first. A woman with something to protect always becomes strong. That was a human instinct that even god couldn’t stop.

“I’m thinking of going to Resotia to recuperate for a while. Though it’s a decision I’ve just made.”

“…….”

“His Highness the Crown Prince may oppose it, but this too is unavoidable. Since those who hold the key to this matter have made their decision, there’s no time to hesitate.”

The Crown Princess briefly cast her gaze out the window I had been looking at.

“The rain has stopped now. Though I didn’t achieve my intended purpose, it wasn’t a wasted trip.”

She walked slowly toward the door, then turned around lightly as if remembering something she’d forgotten.

“When my son returns to this empire, it must surely be after Ricardo has kept his promise. In whatever way.”

The sunlight washed by rain shone into the now-brightened reception room. The hottest days of the year were passing like that.

****

I glanced at Sabrina with anxious eyes.

She, dressed as splendidly as any other day, was equally flushed.

The simple design dress of vivid red fabric embroidered with gold thread made her white face stand out even more.

Jonathan was the same. The boy, who had grown considerably taller since coming to the Empire, looked much more mature in his white shirt and perfectly tailored vest.

It was somehow comforting that my family, whom I might be seeing for the last time, looked more beautiful than usual.

We were riding in a carriage with the ducal family’s crest prominently displayed, rushing to Dermeier’s largest port.

My family would board the ship before lunchtime today. It was a parting with no promise of reunion.

A heavy silence that could not be helped settled inside the carriage.

The day the Crown Princess visited, I went straight to find Sabrina without hesitation.

“I won’t leave with you. I won’t.”

Sabrina’s expression when she first heard these words was not easily forgotten.

Perhaps she had somewhat sensed that I wouldn’t leave.

Because of my lukewarm reactions every time we packed, and my awkward attitude of trailing off whenever we talked about our future together.

Nevertheless, Sabrina looked quite shocked at the words that I wouldn’t go with them.

“The moment the oracle comes down, you’re no longer Ricardo’s fiancée. No matter how much the Duchess says she’ll maintain the engagement, that won’t change.”

“…….”

“Your life without Rochester’s protection is worth no more than a fly’s life, Phoenix? Don’t make me laugh.”

“I’m sorry.”

When I apologized repeatedly, having nothing else to say, Sabrina sighed. She left my side saying she needed some time alone, but before long, she came back to find me and held me tightly.

My heart poured out at the usual intense rose scent.

“But you’re still determined to stay? You want to stay?”

“…….”

“We might never meet again.”

At those words, tears finally burst forth, but I nodded my head. So that Sabrina couldn’t misunderstand.

“Save your apologies for when we meet again. If you’re not safe until then, I won’t accept that apology.”

After that, Sabrina informed the family of my decision in my place.

It was very fortunate for me, as I didn’t have the courage to tell my family about our parting.

“I’m hungry.”

Thanks to Sabrina speaking lightly in her usual languid voice, the heavy silence filling the carriage broke. As if that was the signal to break the silence, Jonathan immediately sighed and said,

“You’ll really come if we wait, right?”

“Jonathan, what did I tell you? I said I’d either come if you wait, or send word for you to come back this way.”

When I hesitated without answering properly, Sabrina stepped in to explain again.

Madam Fennel wore the wide-brimmed hat I had prepared for the engagement ceremony and kept her gaze fixed only on the window the entire time.

“Promise me. That you’ll definitely come.”

Ignoring Sabrina’s words and repeatedly asking me, I couldn’t help but answer the boy.

“Yes, I promise. So don’t worry. We’ll definitely meet again.”

Having gotten a pledge from me, the boy finally seemed a bit relieved and smiled faintly.

“Okay. I can’t trust Sabrina’s words, but I trust Lienne noona’s words. Because you’ve never broken a promise.”

“That kid just calls me Sabrina, but calls Lienne ‘noona.'”

Watching the siblings bicker as usual, I was able to forget my worries and laugh for a moment.

“For now, Jonathan, you have to protect the family. Got it?”

When I gripped his hand tightly and urged him, Jonathan, who had been barely perched on the edge of the carriage seat, sank deeper and nodded.

“Don’t worry. I’ll do well. I’m not a child anymore either.”