IDIBC Chapter 113

Ricardo’s Return (5)

Why were the duke’s estates in this country so vast? The journey to see Ricardo felt unbearably long.

The carriage Julian had provided was a two-horse open carriage prepared for traveling relatively short distances from the estate.

The driver’s seat was higher than where I sat, so I perched awkwardly on the seat, unable to settle my hips properly, keeping my eyes fixed ahead.

Before long, we entered the cypress tree-lined drive that was the entrance to the Paquin estate.

The sky seemed higher than before, and the wind blowing on my face was less humid. Perhaps sensing my impatience, the driver picked up speed, and I lost my grip on the hat I’d been holding down with my hand—it flew far away on the strong wind.

“Just keep going!”

Seeing my hat fly off, the driver tried to slow down, so I urgently stopped him. Just as I was turning my head in the direction my hat had flown, I saw a procession of jet-black horses galloping toward us in the distance.

Ah, an involuntary cry escaped me.

The lead horse was faster than all the others. I could tell immediately who that impatient rider was without even squinting.

“Ricardo.”

As I called his name softly, as if in response to my call, his figure grew larger and larger. Accordingly, my heart pounded harder and harder, beating all the way up to my throat.

If I said it felt like I’d traveled back through a lifetime even though we’d only been apart for a month, Sabrina would probably laugh openly at me.

No, perhaps she wouldn’t laugh. I wondered what expression she would make if she heard that Ricardo had walked into the flames for me.

But would the day come when I could tell her that? Would there be anyone who could believe it?

Even I, who had experienced it, couldn’t believe such love.

As he drew close enough for me to see his eyes, nose, and mouth, the driver slowed down. I grabbed my skirt and jumped from the carriage before it had completely stopped, without any escort. At the same moment, my eyes met Ricardo’s.

Ricardo continued galloping toward me with frightening momentum.

My pupils trembled chaotically as I watched him, as if caught in an earthquake.

Still, the moment our eyes met, I forgot everything.

My current situation, my fate that had become impossibly tangled, all the countless reasons we shouldn’t be together.

None of it mattered anymore.

Just as my heart swelled like a balloon to the point where I couldn’t bear it without speaking, he had come right up to me. Ricardo passed by me at the same speed he’d been galloping.

“Huh?”

After riding a bit further, he suddenly stopped his horse, stretched out his body, and snatched my hat that had caught on a tree branch.

Watching Ricardo turn around immediately with a grin, I had to struggle to hold back tears.

When our eyes met, the image of him walking into the fire overlapped.

Step by step, approaching me as leisurely as if walking through a garden at night. His faint smile. The voice that said, “It’s okay, Lienne.”

Why did only that image remain so vividly in my memory? Was it God’s will that I never forget the moment when he loved me so desperately?

[You’re quite fascinating.]

Words Sabrina had once said with sparkling green eyes echoed in my ears.

[Neither of us has ever been loved overflowingly by anyone, and if anything, your life has been more tragic.]

[……]

[So why are you different?]

Perhaps the reason I could live so firmly despite having no memory of being completely loved by anyone was because of this?

Because the memory of someone who loved me so much they couldn’t even watch me face death alone remained so intensely within me.

Ricardo galloped over in one breath, leapt from his horse, and embraced me. His uniquely steadfast scent rushed all the way into my lungs.

He whispered while holding me.

“Have you been well?”

“……Yes.”

“You’re not hurt anywhere?”

“No.”

Ricardo slowly pulled back to look into my eyes, then firmly pressed the hat he was holding onto my head. At the sudden action, I scrunched up my neck and widened my eyes, making him chuckle softly.

I had so many things I wanted to ask, but looking into his eyes, I couldn’t say anything. Just…….

“Me too.”

“Hm?”

“I love you too.”

At the confession that struck like an unexpected attack, my heart felt like it had crashed to the ground. I’d never felt so relieved that I didn’t have to struggle to reveal my true feelings in front of him.

“As you can see, I’m safe. Not a hair on my head is harmed.”

Could he now read even such detailed emotions? For a moment, I worried.

“I missed you too. Enough to die. Enough to be willing to die.”

I felt a bit embarrassed that even the feelings I wanted to keep so deeply hidden were laid bare before him like this.

Yet a wry smile escaped me. What was there to hide from a man who had risked death for me?

When the wind blew again and threatened to remove my hat, he pressed it down firmly and brought his lips to mine.

All the sensations I’d been feeling around me melted away into his hot touch on my head.

Even with my eyes closed, everything shone brilliantly.

The anxious time I’d spent waiting for him, the sleepless nights when no news came, even the shadows of us two embroidered on the wide path lined with tall trees.

I walked with him, my face flushed red. The continuously blowing refreshing breeze swept over our clasped hands.

It would be a lie to say I wasn’t aware at all of the carriage following us and the men on jet-black horses, but this was fine. It was enough that he and I were together.

Even the negative feeling—whether anxiety or unease—that occupied a corner of my heart was powerlessly swept away by the anticipation flooding in.

Now, the beginning of autumn.

Finding it hard to believe this moment of holding hands with him, I stole a glance at his face, and Ricardo met my eyes lightly, as if he’d been watching me all along.

His perfectly pristine face, to the point where it was hard to believe he’d returned from war, created gentle ripples in my heart.

“Many things happened.”

“I know.”

“Many people helped.”

“I heard everything.”

Ricardo’s long strides had somehow shortened to match mine. It seemed hard to believe there was a time when I used to take quick little steps to keep up with him.

The black toes of his iron-hard shoes resembling him and my bluish satin shoes walked side by side as if by arrangement.

I liked that sight so much that I walked with my head down for a while.

“Lienne.”

Then Ricardo’s shoe took one large step ahead of me and he stood facing me.

“Close your eyes.”

At the unfamiliar request from a man who always told me to meet his eyes, I tilted my head. Seeing me like that, Ricardo smiled with an awkward expression.

“Just for a moment. Just a moment is fine. Right now, I don’t have the confidence to see your honest eyes changing moment by moment while listening to what I’m saying.”

“…….”

“As you know, your honesty is like violence to me.”

Though I rolled my eyes briefly at his words said with a chuckle, hearing his pleading voice made my eyes close naturally. At this moment, I felt like I could even pluck stars from the sky if Ricardo asked.

But my emotions all disappeared the moment he gently took both my hands. Because his hands were trembling finely.

Ricardo Gardarelli Rochester was nervous. Even while holding both hands and feeling it directly, I couldn’t believe it, so I opened my eyes slightly.

“Eyes closed.”

“Yes.”

When I answered meekly, he laughed lightly. Even that trembling was transmitted to me intact.

“I know I’m being hasty right now. That everything isn’t perfectly prepared.”

With my eyes closed, his voice sounded even gentler. Who else in this world besides me would know that such a cold man had this kind of tenderness?

“But I never want to experience that again. Like when I returned and you weren’t at my house.”

“It felt like the ground was collapsing beneath me,” he said hastily, and the trembling voice that followed was clearly a confession.

“The whole world washed in darkness, people were screaming as if dying…… and I thought of you the entire time.”

Only after hearing those calm words did it vaguely sink in that he had just returned from war. Ricardo squeezed my hands even tighter as if making a vow.

“The past month I endured by hiding and soothing my desire to run to you…… if I say it felt like the longest time in my life, could you understand my heart even a little?”

There was no way I wouldn’t know that, I should answer that each day without him felt as long as a hundred years, but somehow my lips wouldn’t open.

I didn’t even have enough breath to contain the emotions welling up inside my chest.

“When I first met you again, perhaps I had already sensed this moment.”

“That’s why,” he said with a powerless, self-deprecating laugh that held indescribable emotion.

“I was harsh to you because I found it hard to endure the waves of emotion that crashed over me at all times.”

You weren’t even that harsh……. With my eyes closed, I thought I had to tell him verbally for him to know, yet I couldn’t even let out a loud sigh.