GDTEA Chapter 136

Because I Don’t Want to Go Back

The Grand Duke Gwendhill had an illness that was unknown to others.

It was a madness that appeared every rainy day.

It was a kind of mental illness, caused by the trauma of having endured assassination attempts targeting Gwendhill since childhood.

In particular, when the madness began, Grand Duke Gwendhill would feel severe, agonizing pain throughout his body, gradually losing his reason, and his destructive tendencies would become pronounced.

[If it rains, turn back without a second thought and flee from your master.]

Within the ducal household, Grand Duke Gwendhill, who suffered from this madness, was treated as a monster.

It was only natural that a Sword Master who lost his reason and harmed people would be treated as a monster.

[I don’t mind.]

Since Grand Duke Gwendhill accepted this himself, when the madness began, those around him treated him as an enemy, as a monster.

This was no different for the three close aides who served as the Grand Duke’s subordinates.

[Take it along just in case. There might be a problem when you find our master.]

Unable to wait any longer for Hiro, who had sent no word, Ben had left the ducal residence and received a large number of syringes from Jed.

Commander……!

Ben sprinted to the inn.

In an instant, Ben cut through the rain pouring down like a torrential downpour and took out a syringe from inside his coat.

With this, I can take the commander away.

What was inside the syringe was a sedative made by Grand Duke Gwendhill’s personal physician.

It was a sedative that would be close to a lethal dose for an ordinary person, but it was the only way to subdue Grand Duke Gwendhill, who was both a Sword Master and seized by madness.

Once the commander is hit with this sedative, he won’t be able to move for a while.

Then he could quickly take him back to the ducal residence.

[You’re thoroughly mistaken. If I couldn’t bring myself to jump in because I was afraid of some measly fire, I wouldn’t have liked Sha in the first place. The flames threatening my lover matter more to me than the ones who come charging to kill me.]

“……”

It’s fine even if he becomes strange.

Either way, once he was taken back, once the two were separated, it would be alright.

It was even easier since he wasn’t a dark mage.

If it was a problem with the mind, he could simply recuperate at the ducal residence.

“……Commander!”

Ben, feeling his heart pounding rapidly, unhesitatingly flung the door open.

Following the bedding torn and scattered all over the floor, he raised his gaze and spotted a dark silhouette on the bed.

“Ugh, ughh……. Ha……”

The rough, beast-like breathing of someone writhing in agony, curled up in the middle of the room darkened by gloomy storm clouds blocking the sun, was familiar.

Beyond the dark brown hair, turbid, clouded teal eyes were visible.

“……You’ll return to normal soon, Commander.”

Ben took out the syringe.

‘One won’t be enough, so I’ll have to plunge them in one after another.’

Fortunately, since he had his upper garment off, inserting the sedative didn’t seem like it would be too difficult.

Flash—!

The moment thunder crashed in the sky, Ben and Ren lunged toward each other.

‘Now!’

Against a Sword Master without a sword, speed was the only way to win.

And among the three aides, Ben had the most agile body and the swiftest strikes.

Bang—! Just as Ren’s fist smashed through the wall, Ben was driving the syringe straight into his back.

“Ren!”

A faint smell of water and the fragrance of herbs drifted through—and then Sharti, completely drenched in rain, came charging from behind Ren and threw her arms around him.

In a moment where one wrong move would have driven the syringe into Sharti’s face, Ben urgently pulled his hand back.

“Get away! Get back right now!”

Even so, she was still someone the captain cared for.

Even if his mind had gone strange, what would become of things if he killed the woman who was his lover with his own hands.

Ben reached out to pry Sharti away from Ren.

But Sharti paid no heed to Ben’s shout and clung to Ren with all her might.

“Ren, stay still!”

“……!”

The muscles of Ren, who had been struggling to shake Sharti off, twitched.

“Ren, I’m here. I’ve come, so it’s alright. You can relax. Okay?”

Sharti buried her face against his back and murmured urgently.

Ben was dumbfounded.

There was no way he would stop from words like that.

Sure enough, Ren roughly grabbed Sharti’s shoulder and yanked.

Riiip—. Under that forceful strength, her sleeve was torn right off from the shoulder.

“Ugh……”

As Sharti staggered from the force, Ben seized the opening and drove forward again.

“My face! Look at me, Ren!”

But this time too, Sharti blocked Ben’s path to Ren first, and outright grabbed Ren’s cheeks with both hands.

In the teal eyes, a pale face and crimson eyes were reflected clearly.

“You’re in the way!”

Exasperated by her presence only getting in the way, Ben reached out to simply remove Sharti first.

Grab……

“……!”

Ben’s wrist, reaching out to seize Sharti’s wheat-colored hair, was caught and snapped with a cracking sound.

Startled, Ben flinched at the teal eyes visible over Sharti’s shoulder.

Ren attacked Ben, and Ben alone, precisely.

Moreover, unlike moments ago when he had attacked without distinguishing between people, this time he had one arm wrapped around Sharti’s waist and was growling.

“Ren, breathe slowly, calmly. Yes, just like that.”

“……”

Ben was at a loss for words.

A ‘Leodelt Gwendhill’ who had shown madness yet had become docile—that made no sense. But neither had he ever seen someone treat a person who had turned into a monster through madness in such a manner.

‘The ring is gone.’

Ben realized that the silver ring that had been on Sharti’s left hand had disappeared.

Recalling her shout telling him to look at her face, Ben had no choice but to stand there and watch the two of them.

‘……How severe must the burn scars on her face be, for the commander, who has lost his reason due to the madness, to behave like that?’

When Ben showed no intent to attack, the monster simply pulled her close and buried his face against her shoulder.

Shhhhhh……

Even as he flinched at the sound of rain still pouring outside the window, the great monster who held Sharti in his arms no longer showed any sign of the destructive nature brought on by his madness.

“……”

The image of the Grand Duke came to mind—always standing alone in silence in a dark room.

The blood that had dripped was his own blood, and the stillness was a solitude filled with emptiness.

A monster who could not return to being human without a sedative.

A monster who regained his reason when the rain stopped.

That monster was now, in the arms of one woman, finding rest.

****

The rain did not stop.

During that time, Sharti could not leave Ren’s side.

For one thing, Ren wouldn’t let go, and since words didn’t get through, persuasion was difficult too.

[Now what in the world is……]

Naturally, it was a flustering situation for the merchant convoy’s transport manager, who still had a long way to go.

[Regrettably, we must part ways here. We’ll process the request as an abandoned commission.]

The commission fee was settled in lieu of the inn’s room and board including meals, and the merchant convoy departed first.

[It was a pleasure meeting you, miss. Let’s meet again if fate allows.]

Mrs. Patricia, who had managed to hold on all this while with a travel companion and the motion sickness medicine Sharti had made, bid farewell with a reluctant look.

‘Still, I’m glad she bought me cold medicine, ointment good for blisters, and motion sickness medicine.’

It wasn’t quite equal to the commission fee, but it could be said that the goal of covering travel expenses had been met.

Of course, since she was unable to move a muscle with her face buried in Ren’s chest the whole time, she had asked for the medicines to be taken out of her bag for her, and asked for the money to be left on the table.

Of course, that too was no easy task.

Since Ren kept growling at everyone else, the embarrassment was Sharti’s alone to bear.

“……Ren.”

Judging by the sound of rain gradually weakening, it seemed the rain would stop soon.

Thanks to the winter rain that had been falling all week long, Sharti had been able to rest comfortably for the first time in a long while.

“Now, let this arm go a bit.”

“……”

“……I want to wash up, Ren.”

Each time she briefly slipped out of his arms, she had to wage a silent war with Ren, leaving her feeling grimy all over her face.

Sniff sniff……

On top of everything, the beast—or rather, Ren—kept sniffing her scent, and Sharti could only heave sigh after sigh.

Glancing at the rainwater sliding down the window in streams, Sharti fell into thought for a moment.

Dropping her gaze, she only fidgeted with the hem of his clothing.

“You know, Ren. That swordsman who knocked me out the other time. He seems to be worried about you.”

Sharti was quick to read the room.

“……He must be someone who knows ‘Ren,’ right?”

It wasn’t only the fact that he had given up the commission midway and stayed at the inn with Sharti and Ren rather than leaving with the merchant convoy—she could tell just from the way the light blue-haired swordsman had been watching Ren the whole time.

“So, Ren, once the rain stops, meet with him once.”

When Sharti lifted her head, teal eyes were staring intently at her.

Seeing Ren’s whimpering expression, she couldn’t help but laugh.

As if dealing with a large beast, Sharti stroked Ren’s head.

“I don’t think that person will leave until he’s confirmed things.”

“……”

“And don’t hit people again.”

Without a word, Ren wriggled and nestled into Sharti’s arms.

Sharti patted the large body trembling with anxiety at the sound of rain.

‘I’m not sure what this feeling is.’

Was it wanting recognition? Or wanting to test Ren’s heart?

‘Or was it something else—showing off?’

Grumble grumble grumble……

“……I’m hungry.”

For now, she should eat first.

****

Ben looked up at the sky where the rain had stopped.

It was still gloomy weather, with dark clouds covering the sun.

‘I’ve notified Jed, so he’ll come soon.’

With the madness having occurred too, no further observation was necessary.

Ben sent a letter directly to the Grand Duke Gwendhill’s residence.

He trusted that Jed, the most loyal of the three to ‘Leodelt Gwendhill,’ would be able to resolve the confusing situation.

However, even before Jed arrived, Ben was given the opportunity to meet with ‘Ren’ alone.

“—You’ve come.”

The moment the rain stopped, Ren called Ben out.

It was an open lot away from the inn, with few people around.

The moment they arrived at a space away from people’s eyes, Ben did not hesitate.

“Commander.”

“……Commander?”

Perhaps it was an unexpected form of address, for Ren made a flustered expression.

Ben immediately held out to Ren the sword he had found on Bibanten Street.

At the look in his eyes recognizing the sword, Ben quickly opened his mouth.

“Everyone in Gwendhill is looking for the captain.”

“……!”

“So please return with me now——”

Bang—!

Ren reflexively grabbed Ben by the collar and slammed him down onto the ground.

Even though Ren’s current skill was more than sufficient to dodge, Ben deliberately accepted his fury.

“You must return as soon as possible. The people of the territory are trembling with anxiety!”

Ren’s teal eyes wavered.

Truly, this man knew the past he had lost.

But soon Ren ground his teeth.

“I’ve become a criminal of ‘Gwendhill,’ it seems.”

“……!”

“I was struck by a sword, poisoned, and nearly died before barely surviving—only to find I’ve become a criminal. Why should I go back?”

“Commander!”

“I am ‘Ren’!”

Ren glared and shouted at Ben.

“I have forgotten the reason I go mad on rainy days, the countless scars carved all over my body—all of it.”

“Forgotten, what do you mean by……”

“Isn’t it that I forgot because I don’t want to go back?”

“……!”

Ben drew a sharp breath.

“Even if I must cover my face, I like who I am now. Being loved by the person I love, being able to love—this small peace I have right now is precious to me.”

“……Is some woman worth more to you than the tens, hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of people waiting for the commander?”

“Yes. A life where I can protect my one lover is more precious to me than a life where I was nearly killed swinging a sword while protecting everyone.”

Ren brushed off his hands with cold eyes and rose to his feet.

Then, with a sneer, he looked down at Ben.

“And you—are you saying that everything making up my background matters more than the happiness of the one you call Commander?”

“……!”

“How selfish.”

Ren turned away as if there was nothing more worth hearing.

“The ‘me’ who had a subordinate like you is truly, pitiable.”

“Commander!”

When Ben refused to give up and rose to his feet, Ren stopped and turned back to look at him.

“If you truly think of me as your captain, you should follow my orders.”

“……”

“Never appear before me again.”

With the hostility piercing his skin, Ben could no longer hold Ren back either.

Leaving Ben behind, Ren’s expression as he departed was murderous.

‘What a joke.’

A life with a subordinate who had no regard for happiness and was simply trying to shove him back into the jaws of death.

Ren pressed hard against his throbbing head.