GDTEA Chapter 140

Variable

At the tail end of a sweltering summer, at the end of a short yet long first journey, they were on a mountain path heading back to the small log cabin.

Under the blazing sun, Ren naturally undid the buttons of his shirt. When he rolled up his sleeves as well, his arm muscles were revealed.

He wasn’t particularly the type to be bothered by heat, but reading the mood, he undid a couple more buttons.

It was only when his abs were just barely visible that he felt Sharti’s gaze on him.

“It’s hot.”

Ren nonchalantly fanned his collar and played dumb.

Sharti flinched at the sight of his bronzed skin peeking through the front of his black shirt.

“If you’re hot, why are you holding my hand?”

“Because I want to.”

“…….”

Sharti glanced at his open collar once more.

It seemed like she was about to scold him for having his shirt so undone, but she simply turned her head away sharply.

Ren stared at Sharti’s reddened ears and quietly swallowed a sigh.

‘Damn.’

A short yet long first journey of half a year, begun at the end of last winter.

Throughout that entire journey, this sort of wordplay was all there was between Sharti and Ren.

‘What am I supposed to do here?’

They had become lovers, and they had continued to express affection through kissing.

However, they hadn’t made any progress beyond that.

‘At least when it was cold, there was an excuse.’

Now that the weather had warmed, the excuses were gone.

Above all, he always found himself being careful around Sharti, and he couldn’t bring himself to take any kind of forceful approach at all.

He was afraid that even the slightest sign of discomfort or reluctance from Sharti would show.

‘Even after becoming lovers, I’m scared first of all that she’ll be disappointed.’

Their feelings had connected, and they had become lovers.

But whether the size and depth of those feelings were the same — that was something he couldn’t know.

It was a simple yet complicated problem that lovers typically went through.

“Sharti, hold on.”

“Huh? Wh-what?”

“Every time I move, the feeling of sweat-soaked clothes sticking to me is unpleasant.”

Ren set down his luggage for a moment and immediately took off his shirt.

Sharti, who had missed her chance to look away, blinked and awkwardly averted her gaze.

“Ah, I should put on some lotion too.”

Ren naturally stepped right up in front of Sharti.

Sharti startled and looked up, meeting Ren’s eyes.

“Do you have that lotion you applied last time — the one that prevents sunburn?”

“Mm-hm. Should I take it out?”

Ren smiled as he watched Sharti desperately trying not to look down.

“Take it out and apply it for me. Like last time.”

“O-of course I’ll apply it on your back.”

“I’d like it on the front too. If I apply it myself, I feel like I won’t be thorough enough. Didn’t you say it would end up patchy?”

“If there are any spots you missed, I’ll let you know!”

“……Understood. You probably don’t want to touch me since I’ve sweated so much.”

“No, it’s not that……. Ugh, fine!”

Sharti took out the lotion she had made from her bag and squeezed a generous amount into her hands.

With his pectoral muscles right in front of her, her hands did hesitate, but Sharti visibly swallowed a dry gulp before carefully and thoroughly applying the lotion.

“What’s the point of making the lotion. During the whole trip you kept undoing your clothes — well, your buttons — at every opportunity, so you ended up getting more tanned than before the trip.”

“You seemed to like it.”

“Wh-when did I ever say I liked you taking your clothes off?”

Sharti shouted indignantly, her face red as a ripe apple.

Ren blinked and tilted his head.

“I meant that you seemed to like my skin getting darker. You said the scars became less visible.”

“……!”

Sharti’s mouth snapped shut.

‘……Ah, I want to bite him.’

She wanted to kiss that face — more tempting than any apple — right now, to take in its sweetness and bite down.

But Ren, as he always had until now, desperately crushed his physical desires.

“Come to think of it, faint as it is, I think I can hear the sound of a stream.”

“Really? If we hurry, we might make it home today?”

He couldn’t presume where the line she had permitted, the line she could accept, was, and he couldn’t ask every time either — so all that was left was to simply ease the mood without making it awkward.

‘This is what I always end up coming up with.’

The exposure was a cowardly, clumsy attempt at seduction by a pathetic lover who hoped the other person would make the first move.

“I’m worried about having left the house empty for longer than expected. There must be a lot of dust piled up.”

“We might have to do repairs the moment we arrive.”

Ren quietly chewed on his disappointment, hidden from her.

The journey had begun at the end of last winter, but his honest feeling was that it had passed by far too quickly.

‘It would have been nice if it had been a full year.’

Even during the trip, Sharti had been busy earning money and studying.

If she was that busy then, how much busier would she be once she returned home?

‘People who hear the rumors will be knocking at the door every day.’

Even during the journey, Sharti’s medicines had been very popular.

It was fortunate that they hadn’t stayed in one place long while traveling, at least.

‘Of all things, I’m the one wearing the magic stone…….’

Because he had given Sharti the one face recognition-disrupting magic stone he had left, Sharti had no choice but to show her face.

Of course, she hadn’t exposed it boldly.

She did wear a hood, but she no longer tried obsessively to hide her face as she had before.

As a result, some people during the journey couldn’t help but cast impure glances at Sharti upon seeing her.

‘It wasn’t that I wanted to be the only one who ever looked at her…….’

She had been pretty in autumn, pretty in winter, pretty in spring, and pretty in summer — that was the problem.

‘I felt it keenly every single time.’

Apart from his large build, Ren was no threat at all.

Had it been an illusion to think he was fairly capable — given that he’d held his own against the Krofl Mercenary Group?

His swordsmanship had hit a wall and no longer improved.

‘I’ve gotten much weaker than I thought.’

Ren clearly remembered the past year.

The incident where the swordsman with long gray hair who had come looking for him — he hadn’t even been able to put up a proper fight, had been struck pathetically on the back of the neck, and had been knocked out cold through the night.

He had kept his mouth shut, not wanting to worry Sharti, but the humiliation of that day was still vivid.

His body, which didn’t move as he intended, was hopelessly clumsy, and the gap between ideal and reality refused to narrow.

‘I suppose as long as I don’t recover my memories, it’ll keep being like this…….’

It was deeply unpleasant that his mind was broken and yet his body wasn’t functioning normally either.

Ever since those who knew his true identity had begun to appear, Ren had found himself, knowingly or not, thinking about his “memories.”

The existence of the swordsman — who had gone so far as to knock out his own master and yet hadn’t laid a hand on him since, hadn’t appeared again — kept making him anxious.

‘He’s definitely waiting.’

For his memories to return.

The blind trust that welled up in him unbidden from time to time, even without seeing the man, was unpleasant and uncomfortable.

All the more so because it reminded him of the second hand of a clock counting down a grace period.

“……Sharti—.”

“Hmm?”

Sharti turned back to look at him, her cheeks flushed naturally from the heat.

The honey-colored hair shining brightly in the sunlight, the vermillion eyes reflecting like the sun. And above all, her dazzling smile.

“……Never mind. I was thinking it might be good to stop by the village first.”

“You’re right, we should greet grandmother first before going.”

“Yes.”

He still doesn’t want to recover his memories.

He wants to remain as “Ren” just like this, with no impurities mixed in.

Even if that means carrying anxiety, unease, and discomfort, it was still better than being tangled up in things like “Gwendhill” and such, and dragging Sharti into needless trouble.

‘To do that, I’d have to eliminate the variables first.’

For example — or rather, to put it precisely — that “antidote” Sharti had made.

“…….”

Ren climbed the mountain path and looked up at the sky.

The sunlight visible between the trees was dazzling.

‘Willpower.’

Among the antidote, healing magic, and blessing — the three things — the most important was the patient’s own will to overcome the poison.

‘What if…….’

Suppose he took the antidote Sharti had made, and received healing magic on top of that.

What if, even so, he had no will to recover his memories?

Would the detoxification be a success, or a failure?

‘Could it be that only the body’s memories return?’

His thoughts grew deeper.

With every step forward, the stirring in his heart only grew.

The autumn when he had met Sharti was about to come again.

****

The journey had been enjoyable.

They saw a great frozen lake, and met a traveling troupe.

Sometimes they passed through slums, and visited many tourist spots.

When they discovered an abandoned hut, they would spend the day there, and sometimes they encountered bandits who boldly appeared in broad daylight.

“The sea was truly beautiful.”

Enjoying the spring sea, at some point she had found herself gazing vacantly at the horizon.

When the sunset spread across the sky, the horizon where sky and sea met seemed as though it would blind you.

“And we also went to a place called a hot spring, and the water was incredibly hot.”

Sharti chattered on without pause.

Partly out of excitement, and partly because she couldn’t contain her joy at seeing someone again.

“Next time, let’s go together, Virena.”

Sharti smiled brightly.

Virena, who had burst into tears the moment she saw Sharti return, nodded.

“I’m so glad you came back safely, Sha. I was so worried.”

“The trip ended up longer than planned, so I’m sorry for making you worry.”

“No! You let me know separately about that so it was fine. And it was your first trip. Of course you’d lose track of time! That’s not what I was worried about!”

“Hm?”

Virena opened sharp eyes and glared at Ren through the window.

Outside, Ren was having his attire criticized by Vireta, with Tein hanging off his leg.

“That mutt, after all the things he’s done, he’s resorting to all sorts of tricks now. How shameless, going around with his clothes all undone.”

“I am wearing clothes, however.”

Thanks to Sharti getting him to fix his clothes around the time they arrived at the village, Ren had his shirt back on.

Of course, the buttons were still undone just barely enough to cover his abs.

He couldn’t fail to understand the meaning of the unnecessary exposure.

“That, that mischievous mutt of a thing.”

Ren felt no need to respond and turned his head sharply away.

“Ren. Clothes must be worn properly. Taking your clothes off in summer just because it’s hot will give you a cold.”

Tein, who had been clinging and dangling from his legs, muttered.

Ren scooped up Tein, who had grown taller in the meantime.

Happy to see Ren for the first time in a while, Tein wrapped his arms around his neck.

“Your teacher likes it when they’re not properly buttoned up.”

“Why does she like it?”

“Preferences are to be respected.”

Vireta sighed at the shameless nonsense he was brazenly spouting to the child.

And inside the house where all this conversation was audible, Sharti was quietly sinking with both hands covering her face.

“……He’s really something, that man. He goes to all lengths to seduce Sha. Hmph, not that it matters — there’s no way Sha would fall for it.”

“It’s not like he only tries to seduce me…….”

Sharti recalled the reactions of the women nearby every time Ren undid his buttons during the trip.

There had even been women who approached Ren every time she stepped away briefly at busy tourist spots.

Virena blinked in surprise at Sharti’s murmured words.

“So then, you were fine with him seducing you?”

“Mm? Well. We’re lovers, so…….”

As Sharti trailed off shyly, Virena’s mouth fell open.

“That, that wolf of a man, our innocent Sha…….”

“Hm? Does Virena see Ren as a wolf too? I thought I was the only one who saw him that way.”

“Of course! That sly……!”

“He sometimes seems like a puppy, but Ren is bigger than most large dogs so wolf suits him better.”

“……?”

“Normally he’s like a dignified wolf, but sometimes he’s like a wolf wagging his tail like mad?”

Virena’s lips moved as she watched Sharti laugh with genuine delight.

For him to have played so coy in front of Sharti, despite that build of his…….

“And I like that wolves are said to look at only one mate for life.”

Virena gave a small smile watching Sharti confess her feelings shyly.

As long as Sharti was happy, that was enough.

“Ah, seeing Sha makes me feel like I need to confess soon.”

“Confess?”

“Yeah. I’ve found someone I like. Did you happen to see a man with light green hair when you came into the village?”

At the time Virena and Sharti were deep in conversation, a surprising encounter was taking place outside.

“……Ben?”

“Hiro?”

Ben, who had stayed by the commander’s side throughout as both escort and watchman, came face to face with Hiro — a man with light green hair who had been staying briefly in the village.

Late at night, a general goods dealer who had been kidnapped and dragged to an unfamiliar place was trembling and clasping his hands together in supplication.

“I, I truly don’t know. I truly don’t!”

“I’ve heard the rumors. That with just this antidote, even the young lady of Count Chelonar — who is said to be on the verge of death — would spring right back up.”

Darhan’s eyes gleamed with an intense light.