ERTHMB Chapter 101

He Looked Back

Suddenly setting aside the aide who valued cleanliness, Ian stepped forward again. New faces had already gathered around him. Ian pointed to Elai first.

“These are the knights under my command. Since you already seem acquainted with Elai, I’ll skip him. This is Eden, Samte, and Odyssey.”

Helena met eyes with each one as his fingertip guided her gaze. The knight with long gray hair and an intellectual atmosphere wearing glasses was Eden, the knight with a massive build wearing a deeply pulled robe was Samte, and…

Helena suddenly held her breath. The moment Odyssey’s red hair and youthful face came into her sight, exactly that voice echoed hollowly in her ears.

[Sister.]

Basil.

[You must be happy, sister.]

If you were alive, you’d be this age by now.

Odyssey took a step closer to Helena, who had frozen like a statue.

“…Sister?”

Helena’s face turned ashen. As much as Odyssey approached, Helena stepped back.

My brother is gone now. He remains forever at 17. He’s been gone for a long time, and someone who shouldn’t exist called to me.

‘Don’t, don’t call me that way.’

Helena gasped and squeezed her eyes shut. Ian, sensing the ominous atmosphere, stepped forward but was a step too late. Helena grabbed her skirt and fled the space as if running away.

‘He’s dead. Basil is already dead.’

She ran until her breath reached her chin. Sharp pain shot through her entire body from the sudden movement. But for now, her nose, which was beginning to well up with moisture, stung more.

****

His body felt languid. Eugene didn’t want to open his eyes. He wanted to surrender to this languor and sleep for a long, long time.

But he also wanted to feel more of the soft touch stroking his forehead. It was a warmth that seemed like it would drift away if he didn’t hold onto it.

Eugene grasped at it and opened his eyes.

After a few seconds of adjusting to the light pouring into his retina, Eugene immediately recognized the woman before him.

“…Helena.”

A terribly hoarse voice came out. Helena withdrew the hand that had been touching Eugene’s forehead. The skin Eugene had barely managed to keep in his grasp slipped away, leaving only a regretful warmth.

“Your fever has completely gone down. Can you move on your own?”

Despite the concerned content, she had a cold expression. Her tone, which kept its distance, was also emotionless. So much so that it seemed impossible that the hand that had just checked his temperature was hers.

Eugene struggled to sit up. A brief groan of pain escaped. Helena’s hand twitched for an instant.

Helena barely managed to keep her hand, which had been about to reach out instinctively, in place and asked.

“Tell me the last scene you remember.”

Eugene held his throbbing head. He had definitely found Helena, had a brief struggle, and the guild’s search party had arrived. They were on their way back when…

Eugene pressed his thumb firmly against his brow bone and scraped out the afterimage that came to mind.

“…Your tied hair swayed like a horse’s tail.”

“Not that. Isn’t there anything else?”

Helena’s tone carried a faint urgency, as if wondering whether that was really all he remembered.

“Like a long log door, something like that.”

Eugene glanced at her and rubbed his brow again.

“…That hair ribbon was brownish-green, and the stirrup you put your foot in needed its leather strap replaced soon. You were wearing only a chemise with a jacket thrown over it. Didn’t you catch a cold?”

“…”

Instead of answering, Helena poured water into a cup and held it out to him. Eugene took it and drank, then continued speaking. His voice came out much clearer.

“And you had three scratches on your hand, but now I see only two, so quite some time must have passed. How many days was I asleep? Two days? Three?”

“…Two and a half days.”

“Right. Anyway, on your neck…”

“That’s enough now.”

Helena cut him off as she took away the empty cup.

“I’ll need a doctor to examine you to know the details, but it seems there are no problems with your cognitive abilities or speech for now.”

Setting the cup down on the table, Helena returned with Eugene’s coat from the hanger.

“This is Partren Guild. Sir Agyle is waiting outside.”

The coat was placed in front of Eugene, meaning he should go out now. Eugene didn’t even touch it, just stared blankly at it. Helena’s words were strange.

Go where? When you’re here, where would I go?

Eugene slowly raised his head. The face he knew best came into view. It was the face she had always looked at him with in the past.

Her true feelings lay beneath the precarious ice, unable to be covered by immature coldness.

Eugene decided to place his last hope on that.

Eugene grabbed Helena’s arm and pulled her down. Helena, who had collapsed onto the bed, tried to get up again as soon as the momentum subsided. However, Eugene’s arm held her firmly.

“Helen. Do you really think you can erase me from your life?”

His voice was somewhat more subdued than before. Rather than physical fatigue, the raw texture of being consumed by emotions was revealed. Helena couldn’t move as if bound by it.

Eugene leaned his forehead against Helena’s shoulder.

“You’re not sincere. You’re still anxious.”

Eugene’s Adam’s apple bobbed greatly as he said this. It was to hide his own anxiety, but his voice trembled at the end.

Helena couldn’t push Eugene away or embrace him back, just remained still. He was a man she couldn’t fully embrace even with her arms.

He was the person who had made her harbor foolish greed and ultimately made only her body burst.

Yet that man who had been so enormous was now curled up so small, clinging to her. The weight settling on her shoulder, the breathing seeping in. It didn’t feel real that it was truly Eugene’s.

Helena finally parted her lips after a long deep breath.

“First times are truly frightening.”

“…”

“Without knowing it, you get imprinted and can’t easily forget. Even a blind duckling, if the first thing that embraced it was a swan, would follow it thinking ‘mama.'”

Eugene wrapped his arm around Helena’s waist and pulled her even closer. Even then, her plain voice continued.

“You were the first person in my life to like me. You were the first fortune to come to a life that was nothing but misfortune.”

Eugene pressed his tongue to Helena’s nape. It was where Ian’s bite mark was imprinted. He moved his lips up as if to cover it with his own, letting out a sunken breath.

“Then why do you keep getting farther away from me?”

Then Helena finally moved. She cupped Eugene’s face and lifted it from her shoulder.

“You’re right, and that’s why that first time is so unbearably difficult. It’s stuck so firmly that I can’t forget it at will, and it won’t come out easily either. When I try to forget, only vain expectations grow and it hurts more. So I’ve decided to give up now.”

“…What?”

“I’m just going to leave it be. Until you get pushed out.”

Strength entered Eugene’s grip, which was still around Helena’s waist.

“You said it was a first time. You said you couldn’t forget. Don’t be mistaken, Helena. Do I seem like someone who would be easily pushed out?”

Helena calmly met his blazing eyes.

“I think I can forget. It won’t be easy, but I’ll try slowly.”

Helena’s hands rested on Eugene’s arms. Helena completely detached his parts from her body.

“You asked if I had found someone to replace you. No. It’s not like that.”

At that moment, the medical room door opened. The uninvited guest who appeared without knocking stopped moving without coming further in. Helena’s gaze was briefly fixed on him. She returned to Eugene and said.

“I’m going to find my first time again.”

Helena’s voice was exhaled with trembling breath. So it sounded like a tremendous resolution.

The kind of resolution one would stake their life on.

Helena pressed her thumb nail into her index finger. Ian’s gaze lingered there briefly.

Since no one spoke, silence circled the room.

Eugene was the first to recognize his now-empty embrace. Next, the words Helena had spat out floated chaotically in his mind. Lastly, he felt his vision becoming hazily blurred.

Hoping it was the aftermath of the ‘price,’ Eugene rose from the bed. Crumpling his coat in his fumbling grip, he dragged his steps that stuck to the floor.

When he reached the door, there was no one in front of him. The uninvited guest had moved to Helena’s side. As if that was the proper place.

Eugene stopped as if the doorframe had tripped his feet as he was about to leave.

“I’ll be staying at Spencer Hotel on Retail Street until the end of this month.”

“…”

“Come back anytime.”

It was a greeting dropped with his back turned. Helena only saw him off to the door he was leaving through. She kept her gaze fixed on the back of the man walking slowly while continuously rubbing her thumb nail with her index finger.

And she counted numbers in her mind while constantly praying.

One, two, three.

‘Don’t look back.’

Again, one, two, three.

‘Never look back at me.’

Finally, one, two, three.

‘If you look back, I, I…’

At that moment, her eyes met with bright yellow pupils.

Eugene had looked back.

With topaz that glowed even more brilliantly despite being alone, he quietly said.

‘I’ll wait, Helen.’

The back that looked particularly small grew smaller and smaller until it completely disappeared from view.

Ian dropped a comment to Helena, who stood with a subtle expression.

“He’s gone.”

“…Yes.”

“Was there any trouble?”

“…There wasn’t.”

Ian let out a long breath as if troubled. His hand rubbing his eyebrow arch several times revealed hesitation. But he finally let it out.

“Did you know that when you lie, your left eyebrow rises more diagonally?”

“…”

“And when you’re being stubborn, you rub your thumb nail with your index finger.”

Helena didn’t look at Ian. Ian only looked at Helena. Thorns that hadn’t been properly tucked away were gradually rising from her body. Ian pointed them out to the end.

“You just did both.”