ERTHMB Chapter 106

Do You Regret It?

It was the next afternoon when Eugene went to find Helena.

Helena was sitting at her room’s desk, knitting a scarf. Just when the yarn had run out and she couldn’t move her hands any further, Eugene appeared alone before her.

Without even looking at where he was standing, Helena asked:

“Why did you come?”

Those brief words seemed to grab his ankles, as Eugene stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t go further and hesitated at the doorway.

He had just barely shown himself before Helena. But she was already gathering pebbles one by one to build a wall in an instant.

Eugene’s neck stiffened. He discovered himself unusually tense. This was the first time facing Helena felt so nerve-wracking.

Even when he first met her, desire had preceded nervousness. If there was one emotion he didn’t need to hold back, it was undoubtedly desire.

But now, somehow, his swollen desire was miserably deflated by just Helena’s back view.

Eugene tightened his grip on the doorframe. The rough splinters digging into his fingerprints made his situation all the more real. He suddenly felt like a lost child.

He couldn’t just barge in recklessly, nor could he turn back like this. So Eugene just held his position. Quietly, like a child waiting for their mother to return to where she had let go of their hand.

‘You were always in front of me.’

Helena’s back showed her red hair flowing in pretty waves. It wasn’t the neat straight hair he always saw, so it was somewhat unfamiliar. But that woman was definitely Helena Evergale.

His wife. The Grand Duchess of Evergale. The person closest to him.

But in this moment, someone unreachable.

Eugene just stared at that distant back view. As the silence continued, Helena let her stiff shoulders drop. Was she perhaps as tense as he was? That small gesture made Eugene feel a little relieved.

“Helena.”

Eugene called without approaching further. It was a call that carried the nuance that he would only enter if Helena gave permission. He pleaded over just those five steps.

Finally, Helena pushed her chair back and turned to look at him.

“Just state your business and leave quickly.”

Eugene finally stepped inside. At the same time, Helena added:

“Before that person comes.”

Eugene stopped walking again. There was no need to ask who ‘that person’ was—it was obvious. The silver-haired man who had conspicuously taken his place beside Helena.

The identity of the man who traveled with the wizard and that lanky carrot stick was a merchant leader. He said he led a caravan belonging to the Marea Trading House that traveled around the Western Continent.

The business card he presented wasn’t lying, at least. The card had the trading house’s official seal engraved with magic.

A person in such a position would have more than enough wealth to suddenly insert a childhood benefactor into his life without any trouble.

But even stripping away all such grandiose things, he was a flawless man in his own right. Eugene could tell even from the brief time he’d seen him. It was such a clear fact.

So Helena would know him even more deeply, down to his bones. Therefore, while Eugene understood the current situation, he found it difficult to accept.

Eugene soon approached Helena closely, his face showing he was suppressing something.

“Is you and I being together some kind of seditious scene that shouldn’t be shown to that bastard?”

Then Helena slowly raised her gaze. Unlike him, her eyes showed no wavering and were unfathomable. Even the voice that followed was just like that.

“What’s wrong with that? Between us?”

“What is there between us?”

“A relationship that ended long ago.”

Eugene’s suppressed expression grew deeper. He wiped away the rising words along with a dry wash of his face, then opened his mouth again.

“Then what’s between you and that bastard?”

“That person and I are…”

Unlike the immediate answer from before, this time it took some time.

It sounded as if her relationship with him had already ended, while the one with that man was ongoing. Cut thread can be thrown away, but connected thread must be held onto.

Eugene’s brow furrowed at almost the same time Helena delivered her answer.

“…a relationship that should have started long ago.”

It was such a calm voice. Nevertheless, Eugene’s vision briefly shattered before returning to normal. With unhurried composure, never blinking once, she trampled on him so well.

As if finding someone to replace him wasn’t enough, now she wanted to completely cut out his existence from herself.

His throat burned as if a blade was lodged there. His confused mind couldn’t find its place. Still, there were words he had to say.

Without clearing his disordered throat or organizing his thoughts, Eugene pulled out words that were a self-defeating move.

“Meeting me…”

His voice was too choked for the words to continue. This could have been a chance to stop there. But Eugene stubbornly finished his sentence.

“Do you regret meeting me?”

Enough to want to erase that spring day when you and I met, and all the countless summer and autumn days we spent, and all the seasons we would spend in the future?

Eugene stared at Helena as if he would engrave every reaction she showed in his eyes. But Helena turned her gaze away. As if she didn’t want to see him saying such things.

Helena lowered her eyes and spoke with a self-deprecating smile:

“I came this far because I didn’t want to regret it. But now I realize. I was regretting it. No, I should have been regretting it. There’s never been such a clear answer in my life. So, Eugene.”

Helena raised her eyes again. Somehow, this time Eugene wanted to avoid her gaze. But he couldn’t turn his head away from Helena’s face.

She still wore a smile. Not a sneer, but a tender smile. And Eugene knew that face. It was a pitying face. A face that looked at him with pity.

Without a single trace of love, it was the expression of looking at something pathetic.

With such a face, Helena continued her broken words:

“Don’t you regret it. Don’t create more things to regret in the future either. Time is precious. How many seasons are there to spend ahead? Days that would be insufficient even if they were endlessly dazzling.”

Eugene gritted his teeth.

What a painfully beautiful way to tell me to leave you.

His jaw clenched hard enough to shatter his teeth. Pain beyond pressure resonated through his bones.

But Eugene couldn’t give up. Actually, it wouldn’t be bad if he shattered like this. As long as she could pity him more, that would be enough.

As long as her gaze wouldn’t leave him because of that. Even if she looked at him like a pitiful drenched dog, as long as she stayed. He could endure with that.

Eugene slowly knelt down in front of Helena. His head, heavy with too much despair, naturally dropped to lean against her knees.

Helena made a flustered breathing sound and reached out to push him away. Eugene grabbed that hand as if he’d been waiting for it.

“If you hate me, resent me, Helena.”

“…Eugene.”

“Scream and trample on me to your heart’s content. Pour out everything as much as you hate being by my side.”

“Eugene.”

“Beat me until I’m disgraced and strangle me if you want. Hurt me as much as you were hurt. I’ll repay you somehow. I’ll do it until I die. So don’t push me away.”

“…..”

Helena’s breath, colored with bewilderment, gradually calmed down. Eugene waited for her to say something, or to say nothing at all.

He just wanted her to embrace him like this. He wanted her to do it even if he shattered to pieces in her arms.

But Helena only spoke painful words. Only terribly agonizing words.

“No. I don’t want to mix any emotions with you.”

Her voice was plain without any modulation. So Eugene came to understand.

This much couldn’t repay even a single point of the time she had endured, and no matter what he did in the future, it would remain so.

“If you have no business, please leave now.”

Helena tried to pull out the hand he was holding. Eugene pulled it back with more force. It wasn’t enough yet. Not yet.

“…A gift.”

Though he had prepared these words many times, strangely a sobbing sound came out. Eugene deliberately ignored the moisture mixed in his voice and asked clearly again.

“Isn’t there any gift you want to receive?”

“…What are you suddenly talking about?”

“Tomorrow is your birthday.”

“…Is that a meaningful day to you?”

Eugene rubbed his face against Helena’s thigh a little more before pulling away. Then he looked up at Helena.

He wanted to see her expression clearly, but it was difficult. A hazy fog was covering her eyes, nose, and mouth.

Was it already time for the evening mist to settle? Thinking absent-mindedly, Eugene realized his eyes hadn’t returned yet. He had forgotten since he hadn’t looked in a mirror. Today he had even failed to remember to wear an eyepatch.

‘Then you must have seen it too.’

These hideous eyes without pupils, gray like they’d been roughly painted with a brush.

Helena used to love these clear golden eyes most among his features.

She used to praise them with endless affection as if they were treasures greater than gold. Helena’s voice from those times echoed distantly in his ears.

Belatedly recalling his appearance, Eugene pulled away from Helena. After blinking a few times, Helena’s image finally became clear.

As expected, she was frowning. Eugene covered his disgusting eyes and stood up with frantic movements.

He was about to exit without her giving him another order to leave. But just as Eugene was about to turn around, a thin voice stopped him.

“Buy me yarn.”

“…What?”

“You asked about gifts. I was knitting a scarf, but I ran out.”

Helena showed him the half-knitted red scarf. Eugene barely managed to swallow the bitter laugh that was about to burst out.

“Now… you’re asking me to buy a gift you’ll give to that bastard.”

“That’s what I want to have.”

The tone she delivered without hesitation was much softer.

Eugene changed his earlier bitter laugh into a willing smile and breathed it out. Because he felt what Helena’s softened tone meant.

If the price for seeing your face is just that bundle of red yarn.

He could swallow this festering inner pain as much as needed. He could embrace it until it rotted completely.

If you said you had lived too long in a lonely and dark world, he could willingly throw his own body into such a world as well.

As long as Helena Evergale’s final destination was by his side.

So Helena needed to pity him. Until pus flowed from his gouged heart, she had to feel sorry for him and find him pitiful.

Eugene Evergale would not leave Helena’s side, even in such a way.

Eugene removed the hand covering his clouded eyes and looked directly at Helena.

“…See you tomorrow, Helena.”

He left small graffiti on the wall Helena had built and departed.