ERTHMB Chapter 119

Weak, Foolish, and Powerless

Helena left the smithy and headed straight to Gelda’s office. The room, which usually didn’t turn off its lights until one or two in the morning, was still brightly lit. Her footsteps echoed in the quiet surroundings.

Having heard it early, Gelda’s voice came first before Helena could place her hand on the door handle.

“Come in.”

Helena entered without hesitation and stood firmly before Gelda. Since it was always Helena’s role to open conversations with small greetings, Gelda just met her gaze and waited.

However, Helena got straight to the point without any warm-up.

“Give me time off.”

“……What?”

“One week will do.”

What was she talking about, coming suddenly at night like this? Gelda’s eyebrows shot up sharply.

“Why, is it because things have been tough lately? Do you want to rest?”

“No, there’s something I need to find.”

Helena answered firmly. Gelda naturally wanted to ask more. What was it, was it important, why did she need to find it, what meaning did it hold for her that she would make such a sudden decision? She wanted to interrogate her thoroughly.

But Helena’s momentum made her reflexively close the mouth she had opened. She could clearly sense the determination that even if she asked two or three more times, she would get the same answer.

So Gelda had no choice but to let out a long breath through her nose and open the safe.

“If you’re going by horse, pick the most spirited one you can find, and if you’re taking a carriage, here’s this.”

A money pouch landed on the desk with a thud. Helena shook her head.

“I’ll go by horse. The money is fine.”

“Just use it for expenses.”

Gelda stretched her long arm to grab Helena’s hand and placed the money pouch on top of it. Then she pushed it firmly away so Helena couldn’t refuse it, saying:

“Take your time coming back. Until you feel it’s enough. It’s not that we run fine without you or that you’re not needed. It’s just—”

“—I know.”

Gelda, uncharacteristically rambling and hurried, nodded her head and continued.

“……Right. Anyway, what I’m saying is, whether it takes a week or several years, we’ll be waiting here. The house doesn’t have feet, after all. So when you find what you’re looking for…….”

Gelda momentarily lowered her eyelids, avoiding Helena’s gaze. Whether her throat was choking up or she had forgotten what to say, she trailed off mid-sentence.

Helena gripped the money pouch in her hand and eagerly caught Gelda’s fading words.

“I’ll come back.”

“…….”

“Definitely.”

Only then did Gelda meet her eyes again.

“Right. You better come back.”

The next day, as soon as dawn broke, Helena packed her things simply. It wouldn’t take long, so she didn’t need much luggage. Helena sat on the bed, tying her boot laces while organizing her thoughts.

‘Now I won’t be confused anymore.’

The reason she had left Evergale in the first place was only one. Not because she no longer loved Eugene, but to avoid loving him again.

So the reason she was leaving Partren now was also one. Not because she didn’t love Kamel, but to love him more.

****

Helena Owen. Helena Evergale. And perhaps…… Helena Fevernheim.

Whatever surname adorned her, Ian occasionally felt how much Helena cherished her name. When he told her it was a beautiful name, Helena would say it was given to her by the person who loved her most.

Then she would smile with a look that was both shy and lonely, which was truly touching. Faced with such an expression, Ian couldn’t bring himself to voice the petty jealousy that he was the one who loved her most.

Helena, just a single word, but it contained the greatest love, so it was natural to acknowledge it immediately.

Ian too had a name given by such love, so he knew. Having been born and raised by such a person, he could recognize it.

Though that person had lived in fading love, at least the affection that had embraced him was complete without a trace of inadequacy.

‘……Mother.’

There was only one person he could call a parent. In his childhood, Ian had seen the Emperor, that so-called father of his, only a few times a year.

Ian was always attached to his mother’s side, which also meant that the Emperor didn’t love her enough to bother walking to the separate palace where she stayed.

Nevertheless, Ian would dutifully count the Emperor’s visits. Having already mastered double-digit multiplication by the age of three, it wasn’t difficult.

But the Emperor appeared so infrequently that even simple addition couldn’t account for the number of times. Even when Heidi was born two years later, nothing changed. In the end, he was more distant than a stranger.

Ian could occasionally see him at dinner gatherings where all the brothers assembled.

Of course, even there, the Emperor never said a word to preserve his mother’s dignity. Ian would eat his fill of cold stares as usual and then slip out of the banquet hall at an appropriate moment.

There were many things he wanted to boast about, but there was no benefit in staying longer.

Being treated as the neglected offspring of the 4th Imperial Consort among the princes was obvious. Whether they “accidentally” tripped him or kicked him, or spilled water on his plate or over his head, he had to just accept it.

But it was bearable. As a year or two passed, the brothers each became busy with their own affairs. They had much more important things to do than tormenting a little brother rolling around the imperial palace.

By the time he turned ten, the petty bullying had noticeably decreased. If he was lucky, he would only encounter them once a week. Then Ian would spend the remaining time with his mother.

One day, when talk of the 3rd Princess’s marriage was going around, Ian clung to his mother’s dress like a spoiled child.

“They say Sister Dasha might marry the crown prince of the Radun Kingdom. Will I have to do that too when I grow up? Heidi too?”

The Emperor was someone who would throw around a child or two like dice if they were useful. Political cooperation or alternatives—he too might be sold off like that someday. No, it would definitely happen.

But his mother only stroked his head with a vague answer.

“Someday you’ll meet someone who makes you feel truly happy just by meeting their eyes. You’ll think that giving them everything you have wouldn’t be a waste. Just like how I feel every time I look at you. Do you know what we call this feeling?”

“……Love?”

“That’s right. So marry when you find someone you love. When you think first about what you can give them rather than what you can get from them. That’s how you should marry.”

But despite his mother’s instruction-like explanation, Ian coldly shook his head.

“I don’t want to. I’ll never like anyone or get married for the rest of my life.”

“May I ask why?”

“Powerless love can’t protect anything.”

“……But our prince, love can be stronger than the great shield that guards the castle gates.”

His mother spread her arms wide. Ian quietly rushed into her embrace. The voice that comforted him was warm, and her arms were cozy.

Ian vaguely realized that he would probably never forget this unremarkable moment.

“So won’t you accept my love either, Ian? Mommy will definitely protect you. No matter what happens.”

His mother gently touched Ian’s nose. Ian shook his head and silently burrowed deeper into her embrace.

Like a newborn bird that couldn’t open its eyes and had to be fed, he embraced his mother’s love. Yet he didn’t change his mind.

Ian had never given a wrong answer with his clever mind, and this time was no different. He would soon be proven right again.

His greedy brothers didn’t have much patience. The Emperor, who had never taught his children affection, ended up offering his neck to princes who knew nothing of filial duty.

The next step in the rebellion that began this way was to cut off the side branches. It was the first proof Ian had directly experienced in his not-long life.

Swoosh!

The sword that had shattered his mother’s breastbone and pierced her chest was pulled out before his eyes. With the support gone, his mother’s upper body collapsed limply.

Ian gasped as he caught her. His frail mother felt terribly heavy.

At the same time, the bloody smell that stabbed his nose was sickeningly fishy. The slippery liquid soaked the palm that supported his mother. His arteries pounded loudly in his ears with a thumping sound.

Ian gritted his teeth until his gums receded. Still, the merciless sensations that were hard to bear pressed down on his windpipe.

When he opened his mouth, gasping breaths poured out first, followed by sobs.

“No, Mother. You can’t. Don’t leave me alone. Stay by my side. Please, please……!”

Large teardrops fell onto his mother’s pale cheeks. His mother raised her trembling hand to stroke Ian’s cheek. Dark red bloodstains remained like smudges.

“I love you, Ian…… My baby…….”

That was the last sight Ian saw of his mother. Soon after, her hand dropped with a thud. The body that had taken its final deep breath swelled and then slowly deflated.

Ian stopped breathing. All sounds in the world stopped with the last hopelessly mangled syllable.

No more gentle voice, no more cozy embrace. A woman who had stiffened coldly with wide-open eyes was now his mother.

At that moment, what rushed into Ian’s mind wasn’t despair or anger. He just muttered blankly:

No, no Mother. I was right. Love can’t protect anything.

There’s nothing as weak, foolish, and powerless as that.

The world spun as if someone had taken his brain and put it in a cart rolling down a slope. Just swallowing saliva made his throat burn like fire. But he had to stay alert. He still had much to lose.

A small body was dragged before the dazed Ian.

“Brother, what should we do with this one?”

“Let go of me!”

At the shrill, high-pitched voice, Ian suddenly looked up. His young sister was being roughly handled by the 2nd Prince.

“Ugh!”

“Don’t touch Heidi!”

Ian screamed desperately. The 2nd Prince trampled on his body as he reflexively tried to stand, forcing him back down. Then the 1st Prince Beelzebuth’s lips finally curved upward.

He had maintained an expressionless face even when he had the Emperor’s head cut off using the 2nd Prince’s hands. Pure pleasure began to spread across that indifferent face.

He slowly walked toward Ian. The sound of his sword scraping against the floor was eerie. A red line traced behind him.

“Well, your mom just died before your eyes, so you wouldn’t want to lose your sister too. Right?”

“Brother, I beg you. Please, please, not Heidi.”

Ian desperately pleaded. For a moment, touching his mother’s cold corpse made his body shudder involuntarily.

Beelzebuth’s sneer deepened. He looked down at Ian, who was clutching his trouser leg like a flying insect, and commanded:

“Then beg.”