ERTHMB Chapter 51

Hypocritical Consideration

“Where are you going?”

Helena’s hurried steps toward Eugene’s office came to a halt. Natasha stood blocking her path on the staircase, her hand gripping the railing as if barring the way down.

With her usual picture-perfect smile, habitually resting her hand on her belly.

They say a pregnant woman’s swollen belly is a symbol of abundance. Then why, every time she saw that growing mass, should her own heart feel enriched?

Helena herself felt like a withering autumn leaf. Dried up without a drop of moisture left, ready to disappear forever under the careless step of a passing shoe.

“Where are you going? It’s almost lunchtime, so if you’re heading to the dining room, it’s in the opposite direction.”

When Helena didn’t answer, Natasha asked again. Her strange gaze was fixed on Helena’s right hand. More precisely, on the tightly sealed brown envelope.

Helena subtly moved her arm behind her back as if to hide it and replied.

“Since when have you been so interested in me?”

Though her tone wasn’t particularly cold, dark clouds quickly gathered on Natasha’s face.

“I just asked because I wanted to become closer to you, Madam… I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable. I’ll be more considerate from now on.”

Who’s being considerate of whom?

Helena’s grip tightened involuntarily. She could feel the stiff envelope crumpling in her grasp. This woman was choking her again. Her tongue root became parched in an instant.

She needed one deep breath to avoid making a foolish sound.

“Then you should know that being considerate means stepping aside. There’s nothing pleasant about seeing each other’s faces anyway.”

Helena quietly turned sideways to pass by her. But Natasha moved to follow her, blocking her path again.

“Why do you speak so harshly? Our child is listening too.”

“…Child.”

“Yes, the Grand Duke’s and my child. Am I being too sensitive? But it’s a time when even hearing only pretty and good things wouldn’t be enough. You understand, don’t you?”

Natasha’s smooth hand rubbed over her swollen belly. Helena couldn’t bear to look at it anymore and turned her eyes away.

“You ask for my understanding while failing to understand what I just said?”

“Don’t be like that, let’s go down together. I’ve been worried these past few days because it seems like you’ve been skipping meals.”

“I told you to move aside.”

“Why do you keep acting like this? It hurts my feelings. Why don’t you acknowledge my efforts?”

“You’re the one pretending not to know. Or perhaps you’re so ignorant that you don’t realize unwanted efforts are just meddling, Natasha.”

Helena wanted no further conversation. But since Natasha stood firm and wouldn’t budge, she had no choice but to step aside first.

Just as she was about to step down the stairs, Natasha suddenly began to scream.

“Madam, please don’t do this!”

As if she had caught on something, Natasha’s body suddenly fell backward. Helena quickly reached out to catch her. Horrifyingly, she missed Natasha by a hair’s breadth.

Or did she really miss?

An untimely doubt flashed through her mind. She didn’t want to believe it, but the expression she glimpsed in that moment when their fingertips brushed…

She was smiling.

It was the first time someone’s fall had seemed to move so slowly. Smooth blonde hair fluttered in the air like golden thread.

Helena froze solid as if she had suddenly dropped into sub-zero temperatures. The thud before her eyes echoed distantly like a sound in a dream.

What awakened her from her statue-like state was Eugene running from behind. How long had he been watching? His touch pushing her aside was sharp. Helena collapsed helplessly to the floor.

“Natasha!”

Ah. You call that woman’s name first again. As always.

Helena wished this moment had been a dream instead.

Natasha woke up half a day after the incident.

Helena looked up at the man who had visited her bedroom after such a long time. Her heart pounded for no reason just from the difficulty of lifting her eyelids due to his angry expression.

The moment their eyes met, a piercing dry sigh fell. Eugene ran his fingers through his disheveled hair and reported the situation.

“Natasha will recover in a few days, and there’s no problem with the child.”

She swallowed words like “I thought so” or “I wasn’t particularly curious.” They wouldn’t be the answer he wanted.

But she also didn’t want to easily show the attitude he desired. Helena stubbornly kept her mouth shut.

At her appearance, Eugene expressed his rising anger.

“You should be grateful it’s a blessing. If something had happened to those two, neither you nor I…!”

“It’s a misunderstanding.”

Helena, who hated being wronged more than death, uncharacteristically interrupted him. When Eugene stopped speaking and looked at her, Helena insisted again.

“It’s a misunderstanding. I never laid a hand on Natasha.”

“So you’re saying a person who was standing perfectly fine deliberately fell?”

“You may not believe my words, but it’s true. Why would I hurt Natasha?”

“You’re just taking your anger out on her.”

“What do I have to be angry about?”

Eugene snorted and placed his palm on her waist, pulling her close. Helena stood firm on her tiptoes, but she couldn’t match his strong grip.

“Do you want to play the saint now? But it’s too late for that, Helena. You should have been more careful with your body from the days when you were begging on the streets.”

Helena flinched. His voice sounded almost despicable. It was also because of the large hand slowly moving up her hip.

Eugene pressed his thumb, which had been rubbing the smooth satin dress, firmly under Helena’s chest.

“Look, now there’s no room for my child to grow.”

Helena gasped and inhaled sharply. It hadn’t been pressed that hard. Yet she couldn’t catch her breath, as if an arrow had pierced through her lungs.

“Are… are you serious…?”

“Is there any reason I shouldn’t be? Natasha is at least giving me what I want. Just like I did for you.”

Helena couldn’t argue. He was right. Just like he had.

Yes, just like he ‘had.’

Helena bowed her head to hide the tears that were beginning to well up.

Where did the man go who used to say it was okay if a child didn’t come, that her health and well-being were most important? The man who lovingly caressed even her flat belly and kissed her forehead?

Her nose bridge stung. Just when she thought she couldn’t bear it anymore, thankfully Eugene’s body moved away.

“Don’t make me completely turn my back on you.”

Bang. The thick mahogany door closed with a loud sound. Helena’s legs gave out and she collapsed helplessly.

Though it was clearly her room, her own space firmly established in Evergale, it made her feel like a prisoner endlessly holding onto prison bars, waiting.

Helena muttered in a voice that barely swallowed her sobs.

“…All I can see in front of me is already your back.”

Helena stood before the bright cream-colored door with numb eyes. When she knocked with the back of her hand, avoiding the iron and gold decorative parts, a clear voice answered.

“Come in.”

The repeated self-hypnosis that her carved-out heart wasn’t inside her now was quite helpful. She wasn’t trembling as much as she had worried.

When she opened the door and entered, she immediately saw the bed with its pearl-colored canopy drawn back on both sides.

“I didn’t expect you to come in person, Madam.”

In that spot, made even softer by the gentle sunlight streaming in, Natasha welcomed her with a smile.

Helena suddenly looked down at her feet. Though it was the same space, why did she feel like she was standing on a rotting, putrid puddle?

Reminding herself of her resolution once more, Helena held out the bouquet she had brought. Natasha, who received it, touched the fully bloomed flowers a few times and then buried her nose among them.

“Mmm- Gloxinia. These are my favorite flowers.”

She exhaled the breath she had inhaled and continued.

“Though there’s no way you would know… the Grand Duke told you to bring them, didn’t he?”

Helena was grateful that Natasha’s eyes were still focused on the bouquet. At least she was less worried about her expression being noticed.

“…You know too, Natasha. That you were able to set foot in this mansion purely because of Eugene’s needs.”

As soon as she barely regained her emotionless expression, Natasha raised her head.

“I understand you want to console yourself with that… but please stop pretending to be noble. You were in the same position as me anyway, Madam. You don’t need to strain your neck so hard in front of me. I understand everything.”

“No. You don’t know anything.”

“Everyone misunderstands like that.”

Natasha let out a small laugh. It wasn’t the bright, innocent smile she usually wore. Perhaps because of this, there was a sense of discord, as if she were forcing herself to wear ill-fitting clothes.

“But there are no coincidences in this world, Madam.”

With perfectly innocent eyes, she began to pour out words that were hard to digest as if they were nothing.

“Only fate created through effort pushes my back. How much more must you be abandoned before you realize that your side doesn’t exist?”

Natasha lowered her gaze to the bouquet again. Her slender fingers circled over the red abundance.

“The attitude you should have now isn’t to meekly come before me with some bouquet just because he told you to, bowing down.”

The hand that had been lovingly caressing the flowers suddenly clenched. The carelessly crushed gloxinia broke off from its stem with snapping sounds.

Natasha completely unfolded the paper wrapping the bouquet and dropped it whole. The flowers scattered like torn butterfly wings.

“Give up. Stop turning away. What you can change…”

In the momentary pause between breaths, their green eyes met. To Helena, who remained nailed in place like a statue, she whispered.

“Is nothing.”

It was a serpentine voice. Secret, sticky, a strangling whisper.

She couldn’t breathe. But Helena didn’t struggle to breathe.

Her eyes grew hot, but she didn’t cry. She didn’t pour out her anger at the woman who now openly provoked her.

She simply picked up the crushed gloxinia, carefully straightened the broken stem, and stubbornly placed it in the vase on the bedside table.

And as she had wanted, or as she herself had wanted.

“Then live, Natasha.”

She revealed the true feelings beneath her mask.

“Please. Just don’t die.”

“…?”

“If I can’t change anything, then at least you must change.”

Natasha’s expression became strange. Rather than the reaction of someone who had heard incomprehensible words, it was somewhat odd. It was more like someone who had been caught in a completely unexpected weakness.

Helena, whose vision had become hazy, couldn’t read her expression.

She simply pleaded like a monologue.

“Even if it’s an unfair god, please.”

Let me die too.

****

Finally, the day of departure arrived.

Helena walked following Gelda at the front, her arms crossed as if embracing herself. With the sky just beginning to dawn behind them, the guild group was heading toward the forest.

The quite chilly early morning air penetrated between them. Whether it was due to the damply seeping fog or the dream of Natasha from last night that had kept her tossing and turning, the cold temperature seemed to cling even more to her skin.

Ian, who had been walking beside her, pulled her close with his right arm and rubbed her forearm, saying,

“Be careful not to let the dew wet your clothes. It’s easy for body temperature to drop in the forest since sunlight doesn’t reach inside.”

“You be careful too. Don’t get hurt by being distracted.”

“Then I shouldn’t stay by your side.”

He rubbed her forearm a few more times and let go. Just that brief contact somehow made her feel like her body temperature had risen slightly.

Or perhaps… it might have been due to the faint heat that rose from his words.

Helena stopped walking without increasing the distance that had been closely maintained.