Even If Your Regret Tries to Hold Me Back

ERTHMB Chapter 60

     

Greatest Performance The villa located in the heart of Berat Forest possessed an elegance different from the antique atmosphere of the Grand Duke’s residence.

The arched doorways and corridors paved with cream-colored marble glowed softly at all hours, day or night. Natasha loved the moment of walking through those corridors. Especially now, when dim quietude had settled all around.

At this hour when only her own footsteps existed as the sole noise, she felt as if this were her own villa—and soon it would be. Together with Evergale.

Natasha entered the room where she had once stayed without losing her way even in the darkness. The neatly arranged bedding and curtains, the tidily organized vanity and wardrobe remained unchanged from her last visit.

Natasha sat before the vanity and first took out her communication device. A communication device with no incoming messages. Though it was nothing more than a cold, hard piece of scrap metal, Natasha simply stared at it blankly.

After about thirty minutes had passed, the light sound of someone landing came from outside the window. A man stood perched on the window frame like a nimble cat.

He opened the unlocked window and stepped boldly into the room. With a mask and black clothing, he was completely melded into darkness from below his eyes.

He resembled an assassin or killer, yet he made no effort to hide his presence. As he approached within arm’s reach of Natasha, a pitch-black silhouette reflected in the vanity mirror. Even so, Natasha didn’t move.

She continued staring intently at the silent communication device. Then the man removed his mask and threw out a small rebuke.

“What, will staring at it like that make a message come?”

Natasha replied without turning her eyes away.

“Shut up.”

“You know he’s a busy person.”

The man left her alone and flopped heavily onto the bed. Purple hair scattered across the sheets. Only then did Natasha turn her head to face him.

“Don’t act above your station. If I hadn’t known better, would you still be crawling at my feet, kitty?”

“Here I am trying to comfort you… We’re cooperating partners, so let’s take it easy.”

The somewhat deflated man languidly sat up his previously prone body. Propping himself up with both hands behind him as he faced Natasha, he made a tsk sound with his mouth before asking tentatively.

“You don’t actually love the Grand Duke, do you?”

The moment the question mark fell, Natasha’s expression became strange. She tilted her head slightly as if she’d received an odd question. Then she returned it to its original position and smiled faintly.

“I love him.”

“What?”

The man made a sound of disbelief. He removed his supporting hands and shot upright.

“You’re joking, right?”

“Do I look like it?”

Natasha turned her head back to the mirror. The corners of her raised mouth curved even deeper, and her eyes narrowed into crescents. Her face, blushing even to her cheeks as she smiled, was unmistakably that of a woman in love.

Seeing her, the man let out a hollow breath.

“You’re probably mistaken.”

Natasha shook her head from side to side.

“Mistaking isn’t enough.”

A lovely smile still lingered at the corners of her speaking mouth. Natasha gently stroked the communication device that had grown cold and continued speaking.

“Do you know when the greatest performance is achieved?”

Her fingers that had been caressing the metal curved to extend her nails. The uneven nail tips struck against the hard surface, making tick-tick sounds.

She continued like this for a while. As if hoping this tapping would reach whoever was beyond it like her own heartbeat.

In the silence where voices had disappeared, Natasha gradually erased her smile. When she had completely returned to expressionlessness, she quietly murmured.

“When you deceive even yourself.”

****

Despite Helena’s cheating, Ian won the afternoon racing bet.

The condition he wagered was that after dinner, Helena would escort him to his quarters.

Of course, this was under the assumption that she could maintain proper control of her body.

Currently, Ian was deeply regretting not having added that condition.

“Mm… from here… ah, it’s left.”

Helena kept clinging to him in a drooping manner. The breath that occasionally touched his nape was ticklish. Ian found himself holding his breath even more before speaking up.

“I’ll count the bet as accepted, so just quietly let yourself be supported and go in today.”

Naturally, his opinion was lightly dismissed. The irregular sound of stepping on gravel paths only stopped when they reached Ian’s quarters.

After struggling to escort Ian there, Helena stubbornly insisted she could go to her own quarters alone.

“I can get there fine by myself. Don’t follow me.”

Her words came out somewhat slowly as she tried to straighten her slurred tongue.

Ian pulled on the hand holding Helena’s arm, turning her to face him.

“You like to appear fine. So you want to hide being drunk?”

Helena lifted her head to retort. Unfairly, his face was hidden in the darkness and hard to see clearly.

It might also be because her eyes weren’t opening properly.

However, the next words that followed made Helena’s mind suddenly ring with alarm.

“Then my bed would be closer than your room.”

What did he just say…? Her intoxicated head buzzed. Helena had to struggle to connect the floating words into a single sentence.

“…Then my fist might be faster than your mouth.”

“That’s something we won’t know until we try, don’t you think.”

His voice contained more than just laughter—it was somewhat husky. Helena was very curious about his expression but turned her head diagonally to avoid his eyes.

Even knowing it was a joke, hearing it from him seemed to make her face flush. A heat different from the alcohol’s influence rose up. The darkness she had thought unfair just moments ago was becoming something to be grateful for.

Helena blamed it on the alcohol and admitted it.

Because she was drunk, that’s why.

‘I keep having these feelings.’

Helena grasped his fingers on her shoulder and tried to remove them.

“Fine, I’m drunk. So stop teasing me.”

“What should I do to not seem like I’m teasing?”

But his hand didn’t fall away easily. More weight settled on her skin. Helena, who had hesitated momentarily, carefully parted her lips.

“Why do you want to do that?”

“…Good question.”

Why would I want to do that?

The added voice was low. Damp and dim as if the night air had been wrung out.

Helena spoke at the end of a breath as if trying to reclaim the air he had taken.

“Don’t ask if you don’t know yourself.”

‘Because I’m too confused as well.’

After a moment, the gentle pressure on her shoulder finally disappeared. But it didn’t withdraw completely, sliding down to grasp her hand again.

“I’m sorry if the joke went too far. But I still believe I have the right to walk beside you.”

It was his usual straightforward tone. Though the firm skin threading between her fingers might not be.

He brought their interlocked hands to his lips and kissed them light as a feather. Like that, he slowly began to walk.

Helena walked with him without releasing their hands. The soft footsteps continued quietly.

Whether joke or earnest, lie or truth.

‘It’s warm.’

He was warmth once again. Inevitably warmth.

****

“What’s your relationship?”

The sudden question awakened her mind that had been blankly floating ahead.

Helena put down the morning coffee she was bringing to her lips and turned her head to the side.

The young guild member who had been chattering away while sitting next to her since the morning breeze leaned his upper body even closer and asked again.

“You two stick together persistently like ticks, but you don’t seem to be lovers either. I’m just curious.”

“With… that person?”

“Yes, that person who’s probably in your head right now.”

His eyes clearly revealed his blatant interest in Helena.

Helena lowered her gaze back to her coffee cup. She traced the circular rim with her finger in circles, lost in thought.

What relationship?

‘That’s obviously…’

The answer that seemed like it would come out simply got stuck along with a churning feeling in her stomach.

Helena deliberately took several sips of coffee before answering with difficulty. The guild member who heard her answer broke into a broad smile.

“So you’re nothing to each other?”

Helena touched the back of her hand as if the warmth from last night still remained there.

“Not exactly…”

That’s when it happened. The door burst open and the subject of their conversation suddenly appeared.

Ian strode in and gulped down the cold water placed in front of the guild member. The glass, emptied in one go, returned to its place somewhat roughly. His eyes were uncharacteristically sharp.

Without softening those sharp eyes, Ian turned them directly to Helena and nodded his head.

“Let’s go. To spar.”

****

As the deepening morning sunlight began to melt the cool air, Sakin sat outside the training ground, placed his sword on his knees, and began maintenance.

The space that had felt empty with just him alone in the spacious rest area became considerably more substantial when Flam trudged over to occupy it.

“The atmosphere is particularly murderous today. Did something happen?”

He made his usual grunting sound as he bent his knees to sit down. At the same time, he laid his greatsword on its side to make it easier for Sakin to maintain. His gaze beneath caterpillar-like eyebrows remained fixed ahead.

Precisely, on the man and woman in a tense confrontation.

Sakin continued rubbing the oil-soaked cloth against the wide blade as he answered.

“It’s… nothing major, but this morning some guild member casually asked the young lady what kind of relationship she had with our merchant leader. But the young lady…”

Clang!

“What on earth did she answer to make him react like that?”

Flam’s tongue-clicking sound was buried in the successive clash of metal, but he could get his answer from Ian’s voice that emerged from within it.

“Not strangers? Wasn’t there a better way to put it?”

As soon as Ian withdrew his clashing sword, he thrust toward Helena’s side. Helena parried him back and met his eyes.

“But we’re not lovers or friends either.”

A brief, intense exchange of emotions occurred beyond the crossed blades.

Unlike Ian’s firm pupils, Helena’s blue eyes trembled finely. There was confusion mixed in, not understanding why he was suddenly acting this way.

Ian’s momentum softened slightly upon catching this.

“Lovers…I’ll grant you that. But I can’t even be a friend? I’m quite hurt.”

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