ERTHMB Chapter 81

Shattered to Pieces

It was Helena.

The woman standing beyond that fence was undoubtedly Helena Evergale, his wife.

Eugene ran toward her like someone reuniting with her after decades, hastily reaching out his hands first. He roughly grabbed her shoulders, which were three spans below his own height, and put fierce strength into his grip.

He couldn’t let her slip away anymore. Even if she crumbled under his strength right now, he had to hold on.

Beep—

A ringing echoed in his ears and his head spun dizzily.

Even amidst this, that one fact remained as an absolute command, and his body followed instinctively.

Red hair fluttering like rose petals scattered in August, transparent blue eyes that shone only for him.

“Eugene…?”

A voice that instantly brought back those evenings of sipping tea mixed with warm black tea and milk.

Ah. It really is you.

“…Helena. Helena.”

Eugene repeatedly called out her name with a thoroughly drowsy throat. His vision containing her felt grainy, forcing him to close and open his eyes several times. A thirst rushed over him as if all the moisture in his body had drained away in an instant.

Eugene forced his dried tongue to move.

“You… all this time, how much… I… what on earth…”

Only fragmented words that couldn’t form sentences circled around his tongue. His jumbled mind was flowing out directly, peeling away his cerebral cortex without any order.

Among the countless questions that arose, Eugene pulled out and chose the most weighty one to voice first.

“Did you… really try to die?”

“…”

“Answer me.”

“What would change if I did?”

“What?”

Eugene’s lower lip fell open in bewilderment. At the considerable shock, the strength momentarily left his hands holding her.

The scent of bubbling milk, the roses that colored that summer. Everything withered away in an instant with a thud. The tinnitus that had been drilling through his mind also stopped abruptly.

Cold air pierced in to replace that space. Eugene squeezed out words to respond with difficulty.

“At least it wouldn’t be the same as before.”

“…I wonder. I’m not sure about that.”

“What is there not to know? Your place is… beside me. There was nowhere else but by my side.”

“…”

Helena only looked at him silently. The sense of unease creeping up from Eugene’s toes grew larger.

The woman looking at him with that face, with those eyes, was not Helena. Could not be Helena. Eugene called for the Helena he knew.

“Come back now, Helena.”

His hands, now completely drained of grip strength, remained only resting on her shoulders.

However, even that fell away uselessly as Helena removed them.

“…Eugene. I never left you. You already know that too.”

Helena slowly shook her head with a sunken expression.

Thump, thump. The sense of unease reached its peak. It was hard to accept the situation. His pulse beat so hard it felt stiff at every bent finger joint.

Not having the courage to face it directly, Eugene transformed it into anger instead.

“Damn it, then do I look like the one who left after searching for you desperately all this time? Why the hell have you changed like this?”

“I was always this kind of person.”

“I didn’t live with this kind of woman.”

Helena hesitated for a moment but continued speaking without breaking her breath.

“The one who made me change was actually you.”

This time Eugene stopped moving.

“Ha. I changed you?”

A woman like a stuffed deer head. That was Helena. It wasn’t just once or twice that even she couldn’t handle that stubbornness, but self-defense has its limits.

Eugene scoffed. Then Helena’s voice also began to gradually fill with anger.

“You always said I was frustrating because I was always the same. No, I always changed. I threw myself away and tried to become Grand Duchess Evergale so as not to be a burden to you. I changed every single moment. The one who was consistent was actually you.”

“Don’t be unreasonable, Helena.”

“You consistently changed. To a sickening degree.”

“Anyone listening would think I married you five times.”

“…That might be true.”

It was brief, but Helena’s complexion paled white before returning to normal. It was a reaction that came out when marriage was mentioned.

Now she wants to completely deny her married life with him? How dare she, by whose permission?

Eugene scolded Helena, coating his deepened anger completely on his tongue tip.

“I’m not in the mood for word games. Look at yourself now. Is this befitting of a Grand Duchess? That I was indifferent to you all this time… Yes, I admit it, but this way isn’t right. You know it too. Everything was for you.”

“Do you really think I wanted such things?”

“Then what more should there have been between us? Ah, our child that you failed to protect twice?”

Words he didn’t even mean flowed out of his mouth like a burst dam.

Eugene’s reproachful tone made Helena’s anger boil over even more. Helena didn’t hold back and burst out with emotion.

“Stop turning away, Eugene!”

It was an intensity she had never shown him before.

“When did I ever wish for something grand? More than the magnificent title of Grand Duchess, more than being Mrs. Evergale with a proper heir. Those three syllables of my name that you called were the best thing in the world to me. If you had just looked at me as much as I looked at you, that would have been enough. So why couldn’t you do that one simple thing and made it come to this?”

“You’re mistaken about who you should be angry at. Do you really think all of this is my fault?”

“Yes, it’ll be my fault again. Everything will be because of me!”

Helena recalled one by one the faces of those who had driven her to the edge of the cliff.

“No matter how perfectly I learned etiquette, when your mother found fault, it was the daughter-in-law’s fault for acting awkwardly.”

Christine never acknowledged her as a member of the Evergale family for her entire life.

“Even though they only see me as a money-giving fool, it’s the child’s fault for mistaking that family play could be exchanged for money.”

Her family had concluded from birth that she was a child they couldn’t love even if they wanted to.

“It’s the mother’s fault for carelessly treating her body and losing children twice.”

Even God seemed to have abandoned her, unable to allow life in such a wretched womb.

‘Even if a husband has an affair, it’s the wife’s fault for not managing it properly.’

The person she thought would remain until the very last moment left like the wind. This alone seemed truly her fault, so she couldn’t bring herself to voice it.

Helena vomited out the resentment that had become a lump, including the breath she had been holding back.

“In this situation, what more should I do and how!”

Instead of accepting it, Eugene fired back.

“That ignorance, that damn misfortune, even those idiots are weights you have to bear! If you sat in that position, you should know how to endure!”

Crack!

The fence split in two from Eugene’s punch. The minimal line that had separated them shattered and rolled at their feet.

Both pairs of shoulders heaved up and down with heavy breathing. Without exception, only rough breathing dominated the space between them.

The fragments of emotion that had finally collided and exploded were sharp. They were too sharp-edged to be easily gathered up.

The wounds were completely exposed and bleeding raw. With them fully revealed, Helena spoke through her trembling breath.

“If you had truly cared for me, you would have left me whole.”

As if someone came to mind at those words, Eugene’s expression twisted viciously. Though Helena had always chosen her words carefully while watching his reactions, she didn’t stop now.

“You wouldn’t have cut me apart until I was shattered to pieces just to force me to fit. Even if I had remained the shabby Helena Owen instead of Helena Evergale, you wouldn’t have given up.”

“I was the same! But the world couldn’t accept you as you were, so that’s why!”

“Did I ever want the world to love me? I just needed you alone to love me!”

“Don’t try to deny even the emotions we’ve poured out so far just because now isn’t enough, Helena! If what I, what we did wasn’t love, then what should it be called?”

“…Ha.”

Helena briefly cut through the rising heat like placing a comma. A cold sneer hung at the corner of her lips, contrasting with the atmosphere.

“Right, we did call it love.”

The single sentence she dropped was terribly cold. Her blue eyes lowered their brightness endlessly.

Helena added with an even colder chill.

“But you loved the elegant and noble Grand Duchess Helena Evergale, not me. So I was always suffocating while loving you.”

Just recalling that time seemed to revive the sensation, as her lips, flushed from the argument, trembled.

Eugene stared blankly at the woman who said loving him had been her greatest pain.

So that’s how you’ll come at me, Helena. Eugene willingly dug into the opening she had given him.

“So, did you find yourself a new man?”

“…What?”

“Don’t think about playing dumb, I know everything. That silver-haired man. That man who’s been with you all this time. Was it nice abandoning me and fooling around with him?”

The mocking tone pierced through Helena’s chest.

She couldn’t immediately understand what he was saying.

Who was saying who had abandoned whom, right now?

Helena released the flesh inside her mouth that she had been biting until it bled and shot back.

“You’re the one who should stop being shameless. You were the one who allowed Natasha first.”

“…!”

Eugene’s face, which had shown anger but no disorder, finally wavered.

Helena soothed the sudden ache in her chest. She had been waiting for that expression, but now that she faced it, she felt uncertain.

Meanwhile, Eugene opened and closed his mouth with a face hardened by confusion.

More than the fact that Helena knew of Natasha’s existence, he couldn’t believe that she truly saw Natasha as a woman who could replace her.

‘How could I put her on the same level as you, Helena?’

He had never truly embraced her, not even once. Natasha was merely Helena’s poor substitute.

Unable to entrust himself to the weary Helena, she was just a woman he kept to consume his emotions.

With the name of mistress and a few handfuls of wealth, she accepted his scraps. There was no reason to refuse.

…Though there had been an unexpected night drawn by pity.

However, Eugene couldn’t acknowledge that as a wrong. He couldn’t apologize for a wrong he didn’t even remember.

The next morning, disgusted even by the traces Natasha claimed existed, Eugene had stormed out of the villa as soon as he opened his eyes.

‘I wonder if you actually shook off that man too.’

If she had merely given him her side just to forget him, he could tolerate it as self-defense. But if it was more than that…