IDIBC Chapter 18

Countless Versions of Me

Ricardo tilted his head while I had him by the collar. The sight filled me with such fear that my neck went stiff, but I gripped tighter with my trembling hands.

“I have the right to demand at least this much from you.”

The core of his black eyes glowed a vivid yellow without any attempt to hide it. That gaze subtly urged me on.

“So, Rica. Tell me right now that you’ll spare my family.”

His eyelashes caught the moonlight and cast long shadows across his face. If he issued an order to leave with those coldly lowered eyes, it would be over. I would no longer be able to go against his words. That was reality.

The relationship that existed between Rochester and Fennel.

“Lienne.”

Suddenly, my name was called without warning. A longing that was utterly inappropriate for the situation—so much so that even I couldn’t believe it—came flooding over me. My chest heated up intensely, as if instantly set on fire. My eyes grew hot.

“……Yes?”

“Don’t call me that.”

Ah……. wasn’t this unfair? To speak exactly as he did in childhood, as if the memories remained.

And at such a precarious distance, too.

He firmly wrapped his hand around mine, which was clutching his clothes like a lifeline. My hand vanished completely into his large one.

My eyes closed involuntarily at the sensation that felt so hot.

Ricardo slowly removed my hand from himself. As the faint smell of alcohol that had been coming from him grew distant, my rationality gradually returned.

His eyes shone fiercely, and I felt as if my throat was being strangled.

“I’m, I’m sorry. Your Grace.”

“…….”

“But I’m desperate right now. So please forgive my rudeness and spare the lives of myself and my family.”

“I never knew that someone who wants to live could dare act like this in front of me.”

His voice was like a calm lake, but it was enough to freeze that lake solid in an instant.

“Fine, I’m certain now that what you say is the obvious truth, so I should compensate you for the value of my life. In some way or another.”

I quickly lifted my bowed head.

“Do you really mean that?”

“However, not today……. I’m too tired right now.”

“But I’m in a terrible hurry.”

“Well, I’m not.”

Anger surged up, but I gritted my teeth and forced a smile. If I provoked him any further, he might withdraw even his offer to reconsider.

“Y-yes, you’re right, it is late at night after all.”

“Right, I’ll think about it tomorrow morning. About how to compensate you.”

I took a deep, trembling breath and exhaled in short bursts. With just those words—that he would think about it—I finally felt like I could breathe.

“Understood. Then I’ll come see you early in the morning.”

“Barging in like this again?”

“No, I’ll go through the proper procedures this time.”

“Fine, then go.”

He must have been truly tired, as he pressed his eyelids firmly with his fingers. I hurriedly stood up and rushed toward the door I had entered through.

Though my heart was urgent, I couldn’t press him any further.

I was trying to comfort myself with various positive thoughts as I grasped the doorknob when Ricardo’s voice urgently called out from behind me.

“No, not that one!”

‘What?’

The door opened just as I turned to look at him, and I saw Ricardo walking toward me in haste—no, practically flying toward me. Just as I turned my gaze back to the opened door, he slammed it shut behind me with a loud bang.

But I had already seen everything that was in that room.

As I thought that I, being terribly directionally challenged, must have gotten confused and opened the wrong door again, I recalled what I had just seen.

I whipped my head around to look at Ricardo, and for the first time since reuniting with him, I could read a genuine emotion from him.

Bewilderment. What he was feeling was an unmistakable fluster.

“Open this door.”

As I tilted my head at an angle and stared at him directly, Ricardo completely covered his eyes with his delicate, long fingers.

I pulled hard on the doorknob I was holding, but the door wouldn’t open due to Ricardo’s strength.

“Open it right now. I already saw what’s inside.”

“Ha.”

After letting out a deep sigh, he lowered his hand and met my eyes.

“It’s nothing.”

“That’s why I’m going to check.”

After facing off with me for a moment, Ricardo backed away instead of engaging in a physical struggle with a woman who was barely a handful. Then he turned around.

My fingertips hesitated for a moment, but I opened the door wide.

And I had to face the countless versions of myself inside.

****

At that time, in the Duke and Duchess’s bedroom.

When his wife tossed and turned before finally getting out of bed, the Duke, who had been reading, followed her with his gaze.

Paula de Serhen.

Even as time passed, she was still as beautiful as when they first met. The Duke removed the glasses he had been wearing to read and gazed at his wife intently.

As the only daughter of Count Serhen’s family, twenty years ago she had been called the finest woman in Dermeier high society. And that position had never been toppled by anyone since.

“That’s not good to drink before bed.”

When his wife, unable to sleep, finally picked up a drink, the Duke gently dissuaded her, then pulled the bell cord to summon a servant. After ordering warm tea from the servant who soon appeared, he went to sit in front of his wife.

“Can’t sleep?”

Paula nodded, then suddenly glared at her husband.

“Why did you appear in the drawing room this afternoon?”

“Well……. I was too curious to help it.”

She stopped glaring at her husband and let out a deep sigh.

“How did it seem to you?”

“It was……interesting.”

This time Paula shook her head. Who would know?

There was a saying that when Gerald Gardarelli Rochester became angry, even the sun in the sky would hide. That such a man could be quite mischievous and even adorable was probably a fact known only to her in this world.

Her husband had not been granted Rochester’s power. Nevertheless, he had protected the Rochester family more firmly than anyone else.

Paula knew better than anyone how much blood, sweat, and tears he had shed, not having the family’s power.

When she had entered high society for marriage, all the nobles had been abuzz. Everyone praised Paula as the most noble woman in the empire and added that she would definitely become the Crown Princess.

She too, having been a close friend of the Crown Prince since childhood, had believed without doubt that she would become the Crown Prince’s wife.

But that thought completely changed the moment she saw the man before her now.

Literally, she had fallen for Gerald at first sight.

Hair blacker than the night sky and warm black eyes. A height a span taller than most men and broad shoulders. And even the right dimple that appeared slightly whenever he smiled.

Because of his afterimage that appeared before her eyes at all times and disturbed her mind, Paula went directly to the Rochester family herself. And she proposed to Gerald directly.

If she had been rejected, she would never have been able to set foot in high society again. It was unimaginable in the society of that time, which was even more conservative toward women than now.

Paula had never once regretted that decision. Not even when that damned oracle had turned her life upside down in an instant.

“Do you think Lienne went to find Ricardo?”

“How easily you call her by name.”

“The child asked me to. While calling me mother.”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“That child would have gone to find Ricardo and more. They might be meeting right now. Why did you meet that child?”

“I want Ricardo to have a human heart.”

“…….”

“Have you ever seen it? Ricardo laughing or crying or getting angry, or genuinely happy?”

The Duke fell silent. There was no way he could answer.

“If only that child resented us, we could have been forgiven by him.”

“We didn’t have much time.”

Paula let out an uncharacteristic snicker. Seven years had already passed since Ricardo returned to the ducal house. In that time, their son had absorbed everything about Rochester at an unbelievable speed. And from the age of 18, he had wandered battlefields.

That was the excuse the ducal couple made regarding their relationship with their son.

The Emperor would hope that Ricardo wouldn’t return alive from the battlefield, but he always won.

Until there were no more countries that would wage war.

So it wasn’t that the ducal couple had no time at all to face their son. They simply lacked the courage.

“He will never forgive us.”

“Dear.”

“Because he resents being brought into this world.”

“Paula, such words hurt both you and me.”

“Even so, we must not forget. Because he resents being burdened with such a tremendous fate.”

Ricardo, who had lost his memories and returned home, was like an ice castle surrounded on all sides by solid walls.

An ice castle that seemed like it would melt completely and disappear without a trace if even a little warmth touched it. There wasn’t the slightest gap for anyone to squeeze through. It felt like if anyone touched it, the child himself would crumble to pieces. They couldn’t even keep him close, let alone tend to his wounds.