ATEG Chapter 75

The River God’s massive shadow slid far away, and the water ghosts who had been cowering among the skeletal remains resurfaced once more.

This long river that nourished countless lives along both its banks—beneath its waters lay only desolation and unceasing lament.

We died in the river, we were swallowed alive by the serpent, our broken bones went uncollected, our death anniversaries went unmourned—on those very days, people would worship the deity that killed us, and then bring us new companions.

We are the River God’s brides, we are the golden boys and jade girls, we went to enjoy blessings with the River God—so no one dares offer us sacrifices.

Our families sometimes come to the riverbank to weep. The taste of their tears is washed away and dispersed by the river water. After they too die, even the tears are gone. Still we sink at the river bottom, soaking in the bone-chilling cold water, gazing up at the dim light above.

Each time the serpent’s shadow glides past, it reminds us of our suffering. That suffering transforms into resentment and grief that cannot be resolved. Flesh consumed, bones shattered—these are nightmares we can never escape.

……

Unwillingness and bitter resentment entangle deep within our souls, making it impossible to enter the cycle of reincarnation. Fear and trembling repeat the hopelessness of revenge, denying us release.

Until time wears us down, even our memories blur, grinding away all resentment and injustice. Admit it—admit your own weakness. Accept it—accept your own cowering.

The foolish are fooled, the weak are oppressed. Hasn’t it always been this way? Isn’t this the law of the world?

There’s nothing to protest. That suffering is natural, deserved. Stop clinging to delusion—just enter the cycle of reincarnation.

One by one, the souls are worn smooth by time, like rocks polished by flowing water until all sharp edges are gone.

“I am the River God’s bride…” murmured a water ghost in wedding robes with mournful longing. “The River God protects both banks. I brought favorable weather and good harvests. I brought my family peace and health…”

“No, no!” said another soul with a similar form. “No one needs the River God’s protection! When villages were established along the Jiuqu River, there was no River God! When fields were cleared and cultivated, there was no River God! When irrigation channels were dug and dams built, there was no River God!”

“People are grateful to me… People respect me… My family will be well…” the faceless water ghost murmured.

“People will forget you. People can no longer remember who we are. People only remember the River God’s bride. Those who loved you will only suffer more, those who hated you will rejoice!” That soul’s eyes burned with fierce fire.

The water ghosts shrieked, their pale eyes suddenly turning black. “You’re lying! You’re also a River God’s bride!”

“I am not the River God’s bride. There has never been a River God’s bride here!” The flames in that soul’s eyes grew even more vivid.

……Last year’s prosperity, all from divine grace……

No, no! All lies! There is no divine grace!

……Now there is a new bride, along with golden boys and jade girls, grateful for divine virtue, willing to go and serve……

Wrong, wrong! All foolish words! No one went willingly!

From River God’s bride to golden boys and jade girls, from wedding ceremonies to River God prayers.

All lies of the powerless, all foolish words of the weak!

Her eyes seemed to burn. That power scorched all approaching water ghosts, making them stop before her, but it was not resentment, not suffering, not indignation.

Who are you trying to deceive?

Does deceiving yourselves make you feel any better?

“But, but…” a child’s soul threw itself into her arms. “Sister, I’ve been at the river bottom for so long. I’m so cold, I’m in so much pain… If it’s not meant to be this way, then how else can I keep from going mad in this place where I must watch the River God’s shadow day and night?”

“If you can endure such suffering, why can’t you be angry?”

It’s not that there’s no resentment, no suffering, no indignation.

Don’t fear—burn them all into fury!

“I will be born here. Next life! The life after that! The life after that! I will keep being born here, until—”

“—All grievances are settled, and the River God perishes!”

……

One life, two lives, three lives… Every life she was reborn here, every life she became the River God’s bride, every life she died before the age of twenty in the river water, in the serpent’s jaws.

She would keep being born here.

One year, two years, three years… ten years, a hundred years… The waters of Jiuqu River still flowed. The River God sacrifice continued each year. That wooden platform that served as both altar and ferry crossing had been rebuilt countless times. Rotted wood fell into the river water, leaving behind one last muffled sound before being swallowed by the river. No one would remember them. New wood would replace them, supporting the altar, gradually rotting, then being swallowed by the river water.

Except on the day of the River God sacrifice, almost no one came to this ferry crossing. But now, sitting at the crossing was a madwoman with half-white hair.

She had been sitting here for a long time. Starting fourteen years ago, she came here every day to sit. That year’s River God sacrifice had happened to fall to her village.

She stared blankly at the river surface, mumbling indistinctly, “My Ah Qiu is the River God’s golden boy… My Ah Qiu went to enjoy blessings with the River God… My Ah Qiu…”

A large bird swept across the high sky, its shadow sliding across the river surface.

Her clouded eyes suddenly brightened. She bent down close to the water. “Ah Qiu! Ah Qiu! Did you come to see Mother?”

After a long time, the water surface remained calm, waves forever surging downward. Disappointed, she straightened up. “My Ah Qiu is the River God’s golden boy… My Ah Qiu went to enjoy blessings with the River God…”

The shadow on the ground slowly turned from west to east. The light in the sky slowly changed from bright to dim.

Again and again she drew close to the water surface, again and again she straightened in disappointment.

Those were shadows of flying birds, fallen leaves, fish and shrimp in the river… None of them were her Ah Qiu.

“Ah Qiu, Ah Qiu, when will you come back to see Mother…” She bent down, pressing her face close to the water surface.

“Mother will come see you… Mother will come see you…” Her face drew lower and lower, her upper body almost falling off the wooden platform.

“Auntie,” a hand caught her. It was a young woman with jet-black eyes like the deepest pool, beneath which pressed the most fierce flames. “It’s time to go home.”

“I want to go see Ah Qiu…” the madwoman murmured.

“Tomorrow. Come again tomorrow.” The young woman coaxed her, slowly leading her away from the ferry crossing.

“My Ah Qiu is the River God’s golden boy… My Ah Qiu went to enjoy blessings with the River God…”

The young woman said nothing, slowly walking her back to the village.

The twilight light was a soft and warm golden-orange. Faint cooking smoke rose from the houses. Young children chased each other while singing, “Protected by the god, favorable weather and harvests; angering the god, floods and droughts alternate.”

The madwoman stopped at the village entrance. “Is Ah Qiu still cold? Is Ah Qiu still hungry?”

“Auntie?” the young woman asked, looking at her.

“I need to go home first.” The madwoman said. She seemed to regain some clarity, but immediately repeated in a murmur, “My Ah Qiu is the River God’s golden boy… My Ah Qiu went to enjoy blessings with the River God…”

The young woman said nothing. She escorted the madwoman home, then slowly walked to her own home.

As soon as she opened the door, she froze. Several strangers were crowded into the small house. She recognized them—they presided over the River God sacrifice every year.

“Isn’t it still five months… until the River God sacrifice?”

“The River God sent a dream. His power has greatly increased and requires a joyous celebration. From now on, there will be two sacrifices per year.” The River God’s messenger spoke each word deliberately. He seemed to speak with difficulty, yet with determination. “It should have been Xiaowan Village’s turn, but they couldn’t provide enough people. They only offered a pair of golden boy and jade girl, and now they’ve already… gone.”

“The River God is merciful. He agrees that if the missing River God’s bride is provided this time, he won’t blame them further.”

The young woman fell silent. In her jet-black eyes burned deep yet violent flames.

The next day, she moved into an empty locked room.

The next day, the madwoman carried several pieces of clothing with some cakes wrapped inside.

She went to that ferry crossing again and waited there all day.

“My Ah Qiu is the River God’s golden boy… My Ah Qiu went to enjoy blessings with the River God…” She murmured, her clouded eyes seeming both clear and confused. “Don’t cry, Ah Qiu. Don’t be afraid, Ah Qiu. Mother came to see you. Mother brought you clothes…”

Holding the old clothes and cakes, she jumped into the river water.

……

Another year, another River God sacrifice.

People carried the wedding procession, stretching from the village entrance all the way to the riverside.

This year’s River God’s bride was very quiet. She only asked one question. “What about Auntie He Xi?”

The person answering paused, then remembered that He Xi was the name of the village madwoman.

“She jumped into the river.” The answer came calm and numb.

The madwoman had been mad for too long—so long that people had almost forgotten her name, so long that people no longer had the energy to look after her. Dying in the river water—wasn’t that a kind of release for her?

But when the respondent looked up, he saw a pair of eyes that seemed to be burning. In that gaze he felt pain, but not from the flames in those eyes—rather from the pain he had always carried but deliberately forgotten.

As if those flames burned through a thick, numb shell, and the long-buried suffering emerged from the cracks!

But that suffering was so vivid, it almost burned together with those flames! Yet something was still missing… still missing…

……Protected by the god, favorable weather and harvests; angering the god, floods and droughts alternate……

……The River God’s bride goes to be the River God’s wife. The golden boys and jade maidens go together to enjoy blessings with the River God……

……Believe it or not, things won’t be any different. But if you believe it, you’ll feel a little better inside……

Is that so? Is it really like that?

But she chose suffering!

Those deep black eyes about to ignite gazed at the massive shadow beneath the river surface.

I remember you, River God.

I remember the pain of being separated from my family. I remember the pain of being unable to breathe, having my flesh digested, my bones crushed. I remember the bone-chilling cold pain of my soul sinking at the river bottom without seeing daylight. I remember the pain when sacrifices were insufficient—floods covering the land, suffering everywhere!

I have died in your jaws nine times.

I remember you. There never was any River God! There is only a river demon!

……

The small boat for the river god sacrifice drifted toward the river’s center. The music from shore sounded like both celebration and funeral rites.

The small boat floated with the current, gradually passing around a bend and hidden by the mountain, then could be seen no more.

The sacrifice had ended. People stood on the riverbank, numbly playing their instruments and singing sacrificial songs. The worship of the River God had ended, but this was a song of farewell.

But suddenly the river surface began to churn.

“Water, water… Look at the river water!” someone cried out in terror.

The river water rolled violently, one wave higher than the last, fierce yet without pattern. Sometimes two high waves crashed together, water droplets shattering and falling like an intermittent rainstorm.

“The… the River God is angry!”

“That… what is that?!”

A giant serpent with a head as large as a house suddenly reared its upper body from the river water. The rest of its body, hidden in the water, thrashed wildly. Its thick tail swept across the forests on both banks, instantly shattering rocks and toppling trees.

A pale hand burst through the serpent’s belly, slashing downward. With a piercing shriek, it tore the serpent’s belly wide open!

Wedding robes like blood, eyes fierce as fire.

Ten lifetimes of suffering, ten lifetimes of grievance, ten lifetimes of fury, converging into towering ghostly energy!

You like living sacrifices, don’t you?

Overwhelming resentment and evil coalesced into dark clouds, obscuring the sky itself.

The wound on the serpent’s belly had already begun healing. Cold fury ignited in the serpent’s frigid eyes. Its tail swung, and towering waves came crashing down with tremendous force.

You can get angry too, can’t you?

Bone-chilling ghost qi spread inch by inch, blocking all the waves outside.

The giant serpent’s cold eyes showed mockery. Its tail rose once more, smashing down toward where the people stood for the sacrifice. The people watched in despair at the tail that could shatter mountains and split rocks.

The suffering of the weak doesn’t matter, does it?

The resentful evil clouds suddenly descended. Touching the river surface, Jiuqu River instantly began to freeze. The waves froze into grotesque sculptures. Ice spread rapidly onto the giant serpent’s body. The thick tail about to fall froze in mid-air. Sharp, hard scales sprouted blue-black icicles that reflected cold, sharp light.

The giant serpent’s muscles bulged. Its head and neck broke through the ice. Its belly contracted, and it raised its head to spit out a wedding-robed corpse not yet decomposed from its jaws. Cold malice filled the serpent’s eyes. Its forked tongue twisted with force! The broken corpse fell into the river water. The concentrated resentment and ghostly energy scattered instantly.

But in those eyes, even more fierce dark flames ignited.

Besides fear, suffering also brings fury!

Even more violent resentment instantly rose. The wrist wrapped in wedding robes reached into the river water and from the river bottom pulled out a pale bone blade.

In my first life I did not fear you, in my second life I did not fear you, third life, fourth life, even to the tenth life, and all countless future lives! I will never fear you!

If one can endure such suffering, why can’t one be angry?!

That resentment seeped into the river bottom. Countless accumulated wronged souls shrieked up! Like spreading frost, like erupting flames!

There never was a River God! There never was any need for a River God! Why should we bow and prostrate ourselves before an enemy that devours our own kind, calling it a deity?!

Countless wronged souls who died in the serpent’s jaws, who died in floods, their eyes fierce as fire, gripped this enormous river demon tightly!

The serpent demon struggled desperately, emitting sharp killing energy from its scales.

But fear had faded. The wronged souls’ shrieks seemed like crying yet like laughter. Bone-deep resentment clung tightly to the river demon! We have endured even greater suffering, so why can’t we be angry! Angry! Angry!

We suffer, but that suffering is vivid.

Overwhelming ghost qi concentrated on that figure in wedding robes with eyes about to ignite. She raised high the pale bone blade and struck down with force!

Is the resentment born from one lifetime of suffering not enough to kill you?

Then two lifetimes, three lifetimes, four lifetimes… I will witness with my own eyes the River God’s demise!