ERTHMB Chapter 105

Contradiction

 

“Please make me love you.”

 

“…..!”

 

Now it was Ian’s turn to stop breathing. The words that Helena had carefully crafted and polished before offering them were torn apart again into fragments in Ian’s mind.

 

Was what he had just heard really a confession? Could the person speaking of love truly be Helena? Wasn’t he mistaking the stubborn spite mixed with love and hate for blind affection, extracting only the ‘love’ from it?

 

Meanwhile, Helena raised her tear-soaked eyes. She captured the confused Ian within her transparent membrane, filling it completely. As she blinked, the pooled tears rolled down, and the reflected image became clear.

 

Helena, finally properly facing the man before her, spoke.

 

“You said mere warmth wasn’t enough. I’ll accept whatever you give me. I want it. I want to have it.”

 

It was a confession that sounded almost cruel. It was such a greedy and selfish confession.

 

But Ian stopped weighing it further. Seeing her eyes, a heavy realization struck the back of his head like a blow.

 

“So that I won’t fear embracing Eugene again, so that I, who can think of nothing but running away like this, will think only of you.”

 

“…..Helena.”

 

Ian felt as if time had stretched for a moment. Space and time were suddenly pulled up to a single point in the distant sky, then crashed down. That was the kind of realization that pierced through his mind.

 

But despite such dizzying feelings, Ian couldn’t tear his gaze away from Helena’s transparent blue eyes. His own reflection was completely contained within them.

 

In that moment, Ian understood.

 

Ah. That is love.

 

Despite speaking of another man, so contradictorily,

 

“Please make me love you.”

 

It was unmistakable love.

 

****

 

The next morning, Helena opened her eyes in her own bed.

 

She couldn’t sit up immediately. She had no strength. It was natural. She had caused a commotion with her strange confession, cried, and fallen asleep exhausted as if fainting.

 

Helena only rolled her still drowsy eyes to take in the edge of the blanket in her view. He must have moved her and covered her with the blanket. It was neat.

 

Helena could now distinguish the shape of Ian’s traces at a glance.

 

Free yet courteous, sometimes rough but not self-righteous. Like colorful icing cookies baked in a warm kitchen with a fireplace burning in the middle of winter.

 

‘The problem is they make me want to keep being greedy and eating them.’

 

Last night, Helena had completely poured out her past. It was a past that reeked of rot. For the first time, she had confessed to him about the death and regression she had kept to herself until then.

 

Throughout it all, he had simply listened quietly. He didn’t look at her like she was a crazy woman. When the long, long story ended, he left just one sentence.

 

[I believe you.]

 

It had been a calm and solid voice. Mulling over those words, Helena sat up. She could see slippers neatly placed beside the bed legs.

 

She wouldn’t have arranged them herself while unconscious in a dream, so this too must be his work. Then, turning her head toward the window, there was another piece of his work.

 

Yellow sunlight squeezed through the perfectly drawn curtains without a single wrinkle and tapped her skin.

 

Helena sat alone like a solitary island in the middle of it all.

 

Then she absent-mindedly thought it would have been better if this place were above the sea. Above the sea, even after storms pass, the sound of lapping waves fills the silence.

 

‘…..It’s quiet.’

 

Not even the sound of birds chirping could be heard. The sun must be high in the sky. Soft, spreading quietude floated in the air.

 

Helena fidgeted unnecessarily with the hand gripping the blanket. The late hour and this calm quiet felt like evidence emphasizing the intensity of last night.

 

That made her more embarrassed. She wanted to dig a non-existent mouse hole and hide in it.

 

But Helena sighed and got up completely from her seat. Even an embarrassing day had to begin.

 

If you don’t start anything, nothing ends either. She wanted to endure countless endings of days to see the end with Eugene as well.

 

Helena took out a white shirt and beige pants to wear. After putting on long boots that came up to her knees and casually braiding her hair down, she left her room.

 

Immediately, she discovered his traces. There was a shadow extending far beyond the corner of the lodging.

 

‘I don’t have the confidence to face him properly just yet.’

 

She hesitated a little, but deliberately took steps calmly. He wasn’t someone who would be easily avoided if she tried to avoid him. If so, it was better to confront him first.

 

Helena turned the corner and opened her mouth, pretending to be composed.

 

“Why aren’t you waiting inside… Ah.”

 

However, the owner of the shadow was not him. Helena hesitated and stepped back as far as the extended shadow.

 

The other person seemed to have already gauged her presence from just the sound of footsteps, as he spoke without looking to the side.

 

“They say beauties are sleepyheads. It was quite a credible saying.”

 

“….Elai. Right?”

 

“I’m honored that you remember me.”

 

He turned his head just slightly to make eye contact similar to a sideways glance. His lips curved up following his smooth manner of speaking. Then he turned his gaze forward again. Helena also looked ahead following him.

 

“….Wow.”

 

She unconsciously let out a soft exclamation. A vivid rainbow floated above the forest. The dark trees made its colorfulness stand out even more.

 

Helena gazed at the colorful bridge stretching in an arch as if enchanted. While she was looking in such rapture, a dry voice fell from beside her.

 

“There was light drizzle this morning.”

 

“….”

 

“I just came out because that annoying scholarly fellow was going on about how that’s actually just ordinary sunlight being refracted, spoiling the mood.”

 

Helena recalled the knights Ian had introduced a few days ago. Among them, the knight who seemed closest to being an ‘annoying scholar’ would probably be… Eden.

 

Briefly recalling Eden’s neat appearance with glasses, Helena brought her attention back to Elai, who gave off an atmosphere completely opposite to Eden’s.

 

“But why are you here?”

 

“In my view, the area near your room is the quietest place in the guild.”

 

He looked at the rainbow again, then as if something to write occurred to him, he pulled out the pen he had tucked behind his ear. It was one of those pens that Flam had placed throughout the guild recently, with ink that never dried.

 

Elai held the pen shaft between his long fingers and fumbled inside his jacket. It was somewhat hurried movement, unlike what they had seen from him before. Eventually, the notebook he had clumsily grasped slipped from his grip.

 

Paper cards about half the size of a palm scattered down. Helena bent down to pick them up.

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“The ground is damp, so the paper will get wet. We need to pick them up quickly.”

 

Though Elai tried to stop her, Helena moved her hands along with him. While picking up the paper cards one by one, she inadvertently saw their contents.

 

X month X day. Clear. Discovered decent bakery at Luben intersection. Will tell Samte about it.

 

X month X day. Some clouds. No problems so far. Seems like today will just pass by.

 

X month X day. Cloudy. My mood. Found that middle-aged knight from before but no memory after that. Regrettable.

 

X month X day. Perfect weather for leaving. First loosen up the body a bit, then go find them.

 

The paper cards were a memo diary. Daily activities were lined up densely like the formation of a disciplined knight order.

 

Even trying to ignore it, her eyes inevitably read it. Helena’s movements picking up the cards became somewhat sluggish.

 

Meanwhile, Elai tucked the cards he had collected back into his notebook. While doing so, he confessed as if it were nothing important.

 

“I suffer from amnesia.”

 

Helena quickly raised her head. He had such a confident tone and expression. So Helena momentarily wondered whether she should comfort him or just accept it naturally and move on.

 

Fortunately, the dilemma didn’t last long. Elai didn’t give her time to consider further and added more words.

 

“My memory gets cut off sporadically, from a few seconds at the shortest to a whole day at the longest. It’s been several years, but now I’m used to it, so it doesn’t cause major problems in daily life. Most of the time, people around me don’t notice. You were the same.”

 

“….Me? When?”

 

“About a week before the storm hit. When you came out after visiting the lord’s castle.”

 

It was the day she had gone to request a barrier from Garta. At that time, Elai had appeared with perfect disguise and easily resolved the situation.

 

Until they parted after leaving the castle, he had been like flowing water. All his actions had continued smoothly and consistently without interruption. Not a trace of awkwardness could be felt from that flow.

 

Helena handed him the bundle of cards, now clean with the dirt brushed off, and answered.

 

“I didn’t notice that at all.”

 

“It was just a few seconds right before we parted.”

 

Even if it was a short time, his memory had been cut out. It was like a bridge you were crossing well suddenly being severed.

 

It would have been overwhelming just to regain his composure immediately. But he had leaped right over that.

 

Helena knew how difficult it was to maintain normalcy. The most ordinary thing without rough edges was the most difficult thing. Therefore, she couldn’t help but look at him with somewhat reverent eyes.

 

Elai received the bundle of cards while avoiding Helena’s gaze. He quickly counted the number of cards, then stood up with light movements.

 

“So I only believe what I can see. I don’t want to feel anxious about gaps I don’t know the content of. I consider things I haven’t experienced as non-existent.”

 

“….I see.”

 

“That’s probably why I still don’t understand the master. Things like believing in people so unconditionally.”

 

Helena, who had been getting up following him, flinched slightly.

 

‘Did he hear about last night?’

 

She examined Elai’s expression, but it was only enigmatic. There was no particular emphasis in what he had just said, making it even more confusing.

 

Helena fell into the swamp of contemplation again. She was torn between whether to probe or ask directly.

 

While she was just moving her lips, Elai finally made eye contact.

 

“But not understanding doesn’t mean we can’t be together. Rather, it’s more interesting. It’s also the reason I decided to stick by the master’s side.”

 

Helena could finally read something in his red eyes. It was faint but gentle.

 

It was gentle enough to eliminate the conflict she had been hesitating about whether to ask or not. So Helena just nodded.

 

Elai took one more look at the rainbow before leaving. His straight figure moved away gracefully like a silk snake.