ERTHMB Chapter 83

The Red-Smiling Monster

 

“I’m going to raise it!”

 

“You can’t raise it!”

 

“I can raise it!”

 

“You can’t!”

 

It was Lily and a friend her age who often came to play at Partren. The two had crouched down, putting their small heads together, and were arguing intensely over something placed between them.

 

After several rounds of the same argument, Lily suddenly stood up, clutching that something to her chest.

 

“I can raise it!”

 

Helena’s gaze naturally moved to Lily’s bent arms. It was a small white bundle, even tinier than the child’s small embrace.

 

Whether it was injured somewhere or because it was young, a rabbit that couldn’t even open its eyes was making soft whimpering sounds as it squirmed in Lily’s arms.

 

Come to think of it, this morning Helena remembered Sakin hurriedly running around carrying a lifeless large rabbit. It seemed the mother had died and only the baby remained.

 

While she was absent-mindedly thinking such thoughts, the other child also stood up defiantly.

 

“My mom says you can’t raise anything without love. Can you love it?”

 

“Of course! It’s pitiful. It has nowhere to go – don’t you feel sorry for it?”

 

“What if it bites or scratches you, or becomes troublesome?”

 

“It’s natural to scratch when cornered! That’s why we need to tame it with even more love!”

 

It was then that Helena’s steps toward the lodging stopped. It seemed like it had truly been an exhausting day. Even the children’s trivial conversation seemed to catch at her ankles.

 

Her heart, which had stopped its work with a thud, began to be pierced by successive daggers.

 

‘Poor Helena. Helena with nowhere to rest her feet.’

 

A monster that hadn’t appeared for a while showed its teeth and whispered with a blood-red smile.

 

‘Was taking you in really out of love? You’re desperate enough to want to believe cheap pity is love, aren’t you?’

 

It felt as if red blood was flowing from her squeezed heart.

 

****

 

Eugene was the past itself.

 

The past should have remained in the past. It shouldn’t have come all the way to the present to torment her.

 

However, he had broken open Pandora’s box, and her unconscious mind, which had been sleeping, responded to that cry.

 

“This place is…”

 

She could see the familiar guillotine. Helena expected to see herself waiting for judgment in a wretched state. But the one bowing their head deeply beneath the blade was not herself.

 

Grayish-brown hair, a beard that had always maintained clean dignity but was now thoroughly filthy. The neat knight’s uniform with bloodstains scattered like stains here and there.

 

All the dignity he had destroyed with his own hands.

 

This was the end of Walter Agyle as Helena remembered it.

 

One day, while imprisoned in the underground dungeon on charges of murder, Helena was dragged by strong iron gauntlets and thrown onto the execution ground.

 

She thought there was still a week left until the execution date. Had it been moved up? The thought she had with her dazed mind was truly carefree.

 

As soon as she lifted her head, which had been struck against the floor, Helena held her breath.

 

Walter, more torn apart than herself, was right before her eyes. Beneath the blade that would soon fall, he wore such a gentle smile.

 

He had maintained his innocence to the end and received the same punishment. It was a kind of example – anyone who tried to protect Helena Evergale would be treated as an accomplice.

 

‘Walter…’

 

Like that day when she repeated her destined fate, her body moved on its own. She crawled with her unbound legs, dragging them along, recreating that moment.

 

As she barely managed to wipe her cheek stained with filth, Walter began to speak his lines.

 

“Regret, you ask? Well…”

 

She already knew what words would follow, knew how painful those words would be, had memorized them countless times.

 

“Yes, I think I am regretting it.”

 

Helena didn’t stop his mouth. She couldn’t stop it anyway.

 

“But my lady, even if we regret, there are times when we must not abandon the right decision. There are times when we must make such choices. That time is simply now, and I have chosen you.”

 

Because they were words she desperately wanted to hear, as much as they hurt.

 

“Whether there might be a more correct choice for me than this… there might be, but I cannot think of one right now.”

 

“Sir Agyle.”

 

“What I regret is… I’m sorry. I dared to project onto you.”

 

“Walter.”

 

“You were my one and only Grand Duchess and daughter. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you until the end.”

 

Even facing death, he worried only about her well-being without any resentment.

 

She wanted to treasure that face, but time was cruel even in dreams. Above it, the rope’s knot was cut with a thud, and the blade fell.

 

And Walter’s voice began to drip like drops of blood on the blade.

 

My lady. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you until the end. I’m sorry.

 

The lips that had been drawing a gentle smile suddenly curved downward. The dignified wrinkles gradually deepened and became distorted, and the lifeless eyes became black, gaping holes.

 

Black liquid leaked from the severed neck. In the form of this completed living corpse, Walter said:

 

“You will kill everything.”

 

The next moment, a new shadow appeared. It was Mother.

 

But it wasn’t the kind mother she knew. Mother didn’t look at her with eye sockets crawling with maggots, nor did she smell so foul.

 

Mother, who was crying bitterly, spoke with the same face as Walter:

 

“Everything you love will die.”

 

Soon her legs sank down below. The ground had turned into a sticky pool of blood. As her body gradually submerged, she reached out her hand. Blood splattered with a splash. Another small shadow cast over her head.

 

Basil spoke with the same face as Mother:

 

“When everyone dies like that, sister will be left alone.”

 

Again. Sir Agyle pleaded.

 

Again. Mother declared.

 

Again. Basil cried out.

 

Again. Everyone urged simultaneously in one voice.

 

[You’ll be alone again!]

 

“Gasp, huk, hyaaak…!”

 

Helena bolted upright in bed as if having a seizure.

 

Her eyelids burned hot from sweat and tears. Beastly screams burst out uncontrollably.

 

She flailed about trying to grab anything, but nothing was within reach. From her fingertips and toes to her heart – her entire body was scattering into tens of thousands of writhing insects passing through her.

 

“Hyup…!”

 

Helena began running frantically. She didn’t know what she should do or where she should go. She just ran like a madwoman. Occasionally she dimly felt the soles of her feet stinging.

 

It was natural since there was no way she had the presence of mind to slip her feet into slippers. Her bare feet were scratched by rough gravel and dirt, but she didn’t stop.

 

She only barely realized she had entered the forest from the humid wind penetrating her thin chemise.

 

Before long, the loud sound of splashing water erupted. The ground beneath her feet was no longer earth. The bitterly cold water surface bit the skin of her shins.

 

Helena knelt at the edge of the lake and wept. She had to wash away the blood. She had to scrape off everything flowing from her neck, hands, and eyes.

 

“Disappear. Disappear. Please disappear…!”

 

She plunged both hands into the water and scrubbed vigorously. The more she did so, the thicker the blood that shimmered on her palms became.

 

Even when the lake turned red, the clots of blood wouldn’t fall away. Her breath caught in her throat, and she gave up and reached for the back of her neck.

 

Her hand, with nails sharply extended, scraped down the tender skin. As if erasing a line someone had drawn in advance for a head that would someday be cut off. She kept rubbing, scratching, and peeling it away.

 

She thought she heard someone calling her, but she couldn’t turn around. She didn’t have the mental capacity to spare – she was too busy wailing, cursing, and pleading.

 

Finally, Ian’s arms wrapped around Helena’s waist and forcibly dragged her out of the water. Helena struggled and screamed.

 

“Let go!”

 

“Get a hold of yourself!”

 

“Put me down!”

 

“Stop it, Helena!”

 

Ian called Helena with the same intensity and desperation as a death cry. The familiar voice brought her mind halfway back. Helena fumbled about frantically.

 

“Uh, I need to get rid of it. I need to wipe it away.”

 

Even while being dragged away, her reddened arms kept reaching out desperately over Ian’s shoulder. It was a continuous attempt to get back into the water.

 

Ian dropped Helena somewhat roughly onto the soft grass.

 

“There’s nothing there, Helena.”

 

“No, there’s blood, so much blood. It’s all my fault. It’s because of me…!”

 

Helena tried to get up, pushing against the ground with her heels.

 

Ian immediately covered her with his large body. Having no choice, he grabbed her shoulders and pressed down with his weight.

 

Helena’s struggling back arched upward. Her thrashing calves kept slipping on the wet grass.

 

“Please, I beg you, let me go, because of me everyone, gasp, the blood…!”

 

“Shh- shh-.”

 

Ian made soothing sounds repeatedly. He slightly lifted the weight that had been pressing down on Helena’s shoulders and gently rubbed them.

 

“It’s okay. Look at me, Helena. Look at me.”

 

Helena breathed with great heaves of her chest. Her lungs, which had fallen into hyperventilation, greedily sucked in air. After her chest rose and fell five or six times like that, the convulsions gradually subsided.

 

Ian placed his right hand on her sweat-dampened cheek and met her eyes. Helena murmured intermittently in a dying voice:

 

“Everyone’s dead, because of me, I’m alone…”

 

“You can see me, Helen.”

 

“This time, there’s too much blood, I need to change it…”

 

Ian lowered his head and touched his forehead to Helena’s. Slowly sharing breaths, they matched their rhythm.

 

When the two breaths finally exhaled as one, Helena finally saw Ian properly.

 

There was no sticky sensation of blood clinging between her fingers, no smell of blood stinging her nostrils, no color tinting her entire vision red.

 

The dream had vanished. She was awake.

 

Seeing the calm light return to Helena’s eyes, Ian soothed her more peacefully.

 

“There’s nothing, Helena. No blood, no fault.”

 

****

 

A crescent moon shaped like a fingernail rose in the bland eastern sky. It was a sign that dawn would soon break.

 

Perhaps that’s why it was terribly dark now. They say it’s darkest just before sunrise.

 

Helena quietly blinked in the darkness where she couldn’t distinguish even an inch ahead. Then she barely parted her lips.

 

Her voice would come out terribly cracked from what had just happened, but it wouldn’t be more embarrassing than her current position of being held by him.

 

“…Let me go.”

 

“Not yet. Your body isn’t warmed up enough.”

 

As expected, her hoarse voice came out scratching her palate, and he didn’t let her go either. It had already been an hour, but his back didn’t seem to hurt.

 

He sat holding her from behind. Resting his chin on top of her head, he pulled the arms wrapped around her like shackles even tighter.

 

Even through the wet collar, the warmth he wanted to give was firm. Rather, it penetrated even deeper into her skin.

 

Helena couldn’t believe how such a man had come to like her. It was questionable from the start why he hadn’t abandoned her yet. Clearly, she was the one who was annoying and troublesome.

 

‘I’m afraid I might get used to being by your side.’

 

Afraid that I might dare to desire this warmth even more.