IDIBC Chapter 117

I Thought You Liked Me?

“Of course, it was a proposal with conditions attached.”

“Conditions?”

The question carried an unmistakable sneer.

“I don’t want to talk about it, but do I have to keep going?”

Julian gazed at her silently once more. Under his burning eyes that seemed determined to hear everything, Sabrina let out a long sigh, and Julian’s hand hanging at his side twitched.

“In Dermeier, a woman’s chastity is more important than a history of having been engaged, they say.”

“What does that…?”

“It’s probably not true, but Robert’s intention was clear. If I promise not to spend the night with Julian, he’ll marry me—something like that.”

Even as she relayed his words, Sabrina laughed bitterly at the absurdity of it all.

“He doesn’t care what I might have done with some stranger, but at least not with his own friend—isn’t that what it means? Why are all men the same?”

Ha, he expelled a deep sneer, ran both hands through his hair, and turned away.

Only then did Sabrina truly look at him. His straight shoulders and well-defined back heaved with emotions he couldn’t suppress.

Even as she thought herself surely mad for pitying such an accomplished man as Julian, Sabrina felt the impulse to stroke his back.

When he whirled around, Sabrina quickly turned her head, pretending she hadn’t been watching him.

“You let that pass? Without even slapping him? To dare speak such insulting words to someone of the Paquin family. I won’t let Robert get away with this.”

As Julian fumed and expressed his anger, Sabrina tilted her head.

“Why?”

“What?”

She slowly rose from her seat, casually smoothed out her skirt with a flick, and straightened her body. When their eyes met, his anger and confusion reached Sabrina in full force.

“Of course, I understand why you’re so angry. It’s certainly something to be upset about. If I were truly the young duke’s fiancée.”

Sabrina chose her words carefully, hoping they wouldn’t sound sarcastic.

“I’ve heard the Henson family is quite a decent house. Of course, since Robert is a second son, he won’t inherit the count’s title, but he’ll never want for anything his whole life.”

Julian tilted his head like someone who couldn’t understand what Sabrina was saying. She let out a long sigh and patted his forearm once. At her soothing gesture, Julian grew even more puzzled.

“The Henson family is too good a match for me. As you know, he’s the person who knows our situation best. From Robert’s perspective, we’re just two people who will soon break off our engagement, so I don’t think his proposal to me was all that insulting.”

“What on earth… are you saying?”

“It’s not like he asked me to become his mistress.”

“Sabrina!”

“Of course I know Robert isn’t a decent man. But I also know how foolishly unrealistic it is for a noble lady to expect true love from her husband. Women rely on their children and their family name rather than their husbands. It’s unreasonable, but that’s reality.”

Love being a prerequisite for noble marriages was not common. Sabrina knew this reality better than anyone.

“Besides, Robert is extremely interested in me.”

Her mother always looked at her father with an expression like someone perpetually hungry. Though Sabrina understood that hollow loneliness, she believed the life her mother had maintained despite it deserved respect.

Sabrina was feeling with her whole body how close to a miracle Lienne and Ricardo’s love was.

Lost in thought, she found she was no longer angry with Julian. She had felt hurt by him because she liked him, not because of anything he’d done wrong.

“So… you’ll break off our engagement and marry him?”

Sabrina shook her head and laughed hollowly.

“I haven’t given up on my life to that extent yet. I’m just saying that however much my circumstances have changed, what he said to me wasn’t such a great insult.”

“……”

“Watching Lienne made me realize it. That real love exists in this world. Somewhere in this world, there might be a man who will look at me, only at me.”

Julian couldn’t answer. Julian was cynical about love. In their time together, she had never seen him meet anyone without some purpose.

It was quite ironic that Julian, who held the title of lover to all among all the women of the empire, was like this.

Sabrina felt it ridiculous to even mention love to him as he kept making expressions that seemed somehow off.

“I’m just saying that’s what I think. And my current situation isn’t one where I can think about the future anyway.”

Sabrina withdrew her hand from Julian’s arm and bowed her head lightly.

“If you have nothing more to say, I’d like to return to my room now. Dealing with Robert was truly tiring.”

She flashed her usual melting smile and turned away from him. Her expression immediately disappeared from her face, but her heart felt light.

“I thought… you liked me?”

But at that moment, Julian’s recklessly piercing words stopped Sabrina in her tracks.

So he knew after all.

She should turn around and face him, but she didn’t want to.

Julian Bow Paquin was still burning. A man who burned without sincerity was dangerous, and loving such a man was foolish.

“You’re right. But would anything change between us even so?”

She answered lightly, but the meaning was heavy.

Tick-tock, tick-tock—even in the quiet space where she could hear the second hand racing, no answer came despite her long wait.

“I really… want to go now. May I?”

She never received permission, but Sabrina left that place.

Truthfully, she had been happy not to leave Dermeier and to see him again. It was a bitter feeling but one she couldn’t help having. She had thought this wretched feeling would get better once everything was settled…

When she stepped outside the reception room, it felt slightly cooler than inside, and Sabrina rubbed her arms lightly as she returned to her room.

“Do you have to confirm it directly like that to feel satisfied?”

Talking to herself, Sabrina let out a soft laugh.

Did her mother feel like this every day? No, she must have lived with feelings even stronger than these. That’s why unrequited love was something that shouldn’t happen.

The maids bustled about at Sabrina’s arrival.

“I’ll prepare you for bed.”

“Yes, thank you.”

She approached the window and gazed at the garden where sparse lamps illuminated the paths. Then she recalled the conversation in the garden during the day with Lienne, Ricardo, and Julian.

[I’d like to settle the matter of the Foren lands.]

Surprisingly, it was Julian who brought this up. Until then, neither Sabrina nor Lienne knew anything. About how Ricardo had intervened in Sabrina and Julian’s engagement.

Ricardo briefly furrowed his brow, then smiled with a very interested expression.

[Now, here?]

[Aren’t you busy? It’s hard to gather everyone, so when we’re all together like this, it seems better to discuss the dowry. It’s not as if the dowry is something to discuss in secret.]

After learning everything, Sabrina simply thought:

What tremendous things were exchanged. With her left standing behind. Even though it was just an engagement.

She couldn’t forget Julian’s expression as he spoke coldly without giving her even a glance. Though he acted calm as if stating the obvious, absurdly enough, he looked profoundly hurt instead.

It was natural for the bride’s side to provide a dowry. Moreover, there wasn’t a single woman under heaven who could enter this great house empty-handed.

Of course, Ricardo wasn’t Sabrina’s family, but strictly speaking they would soon be family, so it wasn’t entirely unprecedented.

Still, a miserable feeling crept up on her, and she had to set her jaw and stare straight ahead.

“Should I be grateful that he at least let me hear it directly rather than through others?”

As the maid who had been arranging the bed opened the door to leave, a cool breeze came through the window she’d left slightly open. But for some reason, she didn’t hear the sound of the door closing again, so she turned her head.

“What’s…?”

Julian stood in the open doorway.

The moment the startled maid stepped aside, he strode inside, and behind him the door slammed shut with a loud bang.

She realized only the two of them remained in the room, but after that she couldn’t think of anything else.

Julian, who had closed the distance before she knew it, caught her waist in one motion and pressed his lips against hers. Sabrina, whose body was pushed back by him, leaned against the window frame, breathing heavily.

“Julian?”

Before she could ask what he was doing, their breaths mingled again. Julian’s face as he rushed at her with closed eyes bore no expression.

His burning movements and sighs of unknowable meaning made Sabrina’s head spin.

“Ha……”

Hot breath leaked out, whose, she didn’t know, and their eyes met. Sabrina couldn’t contain her confused feelings.

Julian gazed into Sabrina’s eyes and undid one button of her dress with a flick. As the garment slipped down her body, her white shoulder was revealed in the moonlight.