IDIBC Chapter 132

As Much as You Want, If That’s What You Desire

I had a very long dream. It was a beautiful and warm dream, so sweet that I didn’t want to wake from it.

The me in the dream was definitely me, yet felt unfamiliar. With shorter hair than now and a calm expression with a gentle smile, I seemed like a different person.

Even in that dream, I met Ricardo. With a sharper and fiercer face than now, he kept repeating that he didn’t like things, even in the dream.

“You don’t like this either?”

“I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Do I have to give you a reason for not liking something?”

I chuckled at his childlike behavior. As if that also displeased him, Ricardo walked ahead of me.

Undeterred, I approached him with quick steps and took his hand. He flinched in surprise and stopped in his tracks. Ricardo, who obediently gave me his hand, smiled like a warm spring breeze.

“What would you like to eat today?”

“Anything.”

“What kind of answer is that?”

“There’s something more urgent than that, so food isn’t important right now.”

“What is it?”

Our eyes met briefly. Even though it was a dream, his affectionate eyes were so clear that a wave of longing surged through me.

“Sleep. Right now, sleep is more urgent.”

“Tsk, you always get sleepy whenever you see me.”

At my clumsy complaint, his lips curved into a wide arc. I liked that smile, so I walked hand in hand with him for a long while. Looking at his iron-like black shoe tips and my worn shoes that resembled his. Endlessly.

“Lienne.”

Suddenly, he called my name. It wasn’t the warm voice from just before, but one filled with deep longing.

“Yes.”

I answered demurely and caressed his cheek. Because Ricardo’s face before me looked so sad.

“Lienne, let’s go back now.”

“We’re already going.”

“No, we really need to go back now.”

“Where to?”

“Lienne.”

At my name being called urgently, this time for some reason I couldn’t easily answer. Why was he calling me so desperately while we were walking hand in hand? Making my heart crumble.

“Please, come back.”

“I’m… going.”

As soon as I barely managed to answer, my parched throat hurt as if it would tear. In an instant, the large hand holding mine gripped even tighter, painfully so.

“A physician, we need to call a physician.”

“Hm?”

“Physician! Physician!”

As my consciousness rapidly returned to reality, I felt sharp pain behind my back.

Ah, I took an arrow for the Duke—along with that realization, I could also recognize that the one shouting loud enough to shake the mansion was none other than Ricardo.

Ricardo seemed so anxious that he let go of my hand and tried to go outside. I reflexively grabbed his hand tightly. All his movements stopped at once.

“Lienne?”

When I barely managed to lift my eyelids, heavy as waterlogged cotton, my vision filled with Ricardo, his eyes completely dyed purple.

“Rica…rdo?”

At my rough voice that sounded like scratching my throat, he couldn’t answer and just looked at me. I wanted to reach out and stroke his trembling cheek, but my body absolutely wouldn’t move, so I helplessly just kept blinking my eyes repeatedly.

“Are you okay?”

Blink—instead of answering, when I blinked affirmatively, Ricardo took my hand and placed it against his cheek. At that soft and warm sensation, a smile naturally appeared on my face.

“It’s been… a long time.”

“Yes. I know.”

I had a long dream, you see. A dream so sweet I didn’t want to wake from it.

I wanted to say more, but I began falling back into the depths of sleep.

“No, Lienne. Don’t close your eyes. Just a moment, look at me a little longer, okay?”

I want to, but right now I’m so…

“Sleepy.”

With a bang, the door opened and I could sense several people hurrying into the room. Ricardo’s shocked face before my eyes blurred and cleared repeatedly.

My vision turned pitch black and I immediately fell asleep, but this time I didn’t dream of Ricardo.

****

What woke me from my deep sleep was, the next morning at dawn, the resounding crowing of my chickens.

When I barely managed to open my eyes and look, Ricardo was asleep, slumped over the bed while holding my hand tightly.

‘You came back safely.’

When I moved slightly, wanting to stroke Ricardo’s luxuriant hair, his eyes snapped open. His violently shaking pupils immediately turned toward me. When I smiled slightly, he squeezed his eyes shut and murmured something.

I only realized some time later that it was a prayer to God.

Even in my confused state, the fact that he was praying felt very strange to me.

Hadn’t Ricardo hated God?

“Your fever has gone down, and the physician said you’ve gotten better, but I still can’t feel at ease.”

Because I could clearly understand what fear he must have felt, I couldn’t say anything.

“Your bravery not only excites me, but also stops my heart.”

Ricardo gently stroked my hair. The following words were filled with so many emotions that I had to carefully reflect on them.

“I never want to experience it again. That fear that the reason for my life and my only warmth might disappear.”

“…”

“I’ll go get the physician. You need to be examined again.”

Ricardo smoothed my hair once more and hurried out to bring the physician.

Only after hearing from the physician that it was safe to relax now did he show a smile, stretching the corners of his lips.

The morning sun poured through the window, and in the room brimming with warm heat, only he and I remained, just the two of us.

I stretched out my arm, still lacking proper strength, and took his hand. Then the pupils in his eyes alternately showed purple and green.

“I’m okay now.”

My mind was still hazy, but sleep didn’t pour over me like last night, and the pain I felt behind my back had also eased a little. Only then did I freshly realize that I was alive.

His lips, which always produced such pleasant sounds, were right before my eyes. What I wanted was so certain that I could feel hot desire welling in my eyes as I looked at him.

And Ricardo, who couldn’t possibly not know that, slowly lowered his lips and took my lower lip. Was it because my fever hadn’t completely subsided yet? My chest ached heavily at his temperature, which felt slightly cooler than my lips.

“If that’s what you desire, there’s no reason I can’t.”

“What did I desire so much?”

I wanted to properly sulk, but no proper voice came from my throat, cracked like a desert.

“Don’t try to talk too much. The physician said it would be hard to speak for a while because of the pain.”

Instead of speaking with difficulty, I stared intently at his lips. Whether from sleeping for so long or for some other reason, I kept feeling thirsty and my lips were dry.

Watching me like that, Ricardo completely erased the purple from his eyes for the first time and laughed out loud.

“Yes, as much as you want, if that’s what you desire.”

When his lips, now hotter than before, touched mine, the crowing of the chickens that had been crying endlessly today grew distant. The stabbing pain in my back that I felt with each breath completely subsided, and my feverish breathing found its place.

Even though there were many things I needed to ask Ricardo, I couldn’t ask anything.

I couldn’t ask about the well-being of Ricardo’s parents, the safety of my family, or whether he had become Emperor or not. Because no matter what answer I heard, nothing would change.

With just the fact that he and I were alive here and now, we could start again on top of everything that had crumbled.

With the memory of kissing him deeply as my last thought, I fell back into sleep like a swamp once more.

****

Sabrina left her room fully prepared to meet Julian.

Over the past two months, the Dermeier Empire had undergone great changes.

People expected the Rochester family to become the new imperial family of this country, but that expectation was spectacularly wrong.

As always, the affairs of those in extremely high positions were not known even to nobles of similar standing.

It was announced that the Emperor, who had been secluded only in the palace, had suddenly died of illness, and Stuart Reid Schneider hastily ascended to the Emperor’s throne.

Rochester had protected Stuart, and Chaplin and Paquin also supported him becoming Emperor.

The Grand Temple also expressed its agreement with Stuart becoming Emperor.

It was unprecedented. That someone from the Schneiders suffering from muscular disease had ascended to the Emperor’s throne.

Second Prince Harriot was said to be currently recuperating in some island country across the sea, but rumors spread rampantly through high society that in reality he had died or been imprisoned in the imperial prison after suffering severe injuries.

After Harriot disappeared, accusations about his crimes continued.

When unspeakable crimes including murder, violence, sexual crimes, embezzlement, breach of trust, illegal slave trading, and more were revealed in detail, the imperial family took generous and swift measures for those victims.

No one wished for Harriot’s well-being or was curious about his whereabouts, and people chattered that it was God’s blessing that he hadn’t become Emperor.

The Grand Priest and the Saintess swore an oath to never leave the temple for their entire lives and to devote themselves to God, then returned to Hadeima.

And some time later, the Grand Priest also died of illness.

This was all that ordinary nobles knew.