IDIBC Chapter 134

I Don’t Know About Love Either

Julian apologized to Sabrina for hurting her, but he still didn’t seem to realize when exactly he had hurt her.

“If you have nothing more to say, I’ll take it that you agree to the breaking of our engagement and be on my way. I have a lot to prepare for my departure.”

Sabrina bowed to him as politely as she could, then turned away. She exhaled deeply, and the walk to the door felt unbearably long.

“You can just teach me.”

With just a few words, Julian once again easily caught hold of her heavy ankles.

“That love thing or whatever it is—you can just teach me.”

Sabrina couldn’t form any thoughts at the trembling in the man’s voice. The desire to run to him right away made her back stiffen.

“I don’t know what that is. I’ve never thought it was important. But right now, I can’t see any other woman besides you. Even though you and Robert, that bastard, didn’t do anything, I imagine ridiculous things and it drives me crazy—I’m such a pathetic asshole!”

Sabrina couldn’t control her heart that kept racing without permission and squeezed her eyes shut.

“If becoming this uncool in front of a woman is what love is, I really hate it—it’s disgusting. But I’m willing to learn. So Sabrina, don’t leave me.”

Sabrina opened her closed eyes. The light in her eyes as she stared at the door was no longer confusion.

“Young Duke Paquin.”

When she called him, he took a few steps toward her.

“That’s exactly why we can’t work.”

But at her next words, Julian’s steps came to an abrupt halt.

“Unfortunately, I don’t know about love either. How can I teach you something I don’t even know well myself? Don’t you think?”

She laughed bitterly at herself at this newfound realization.

She had been disappointed that Julian didn’t love her, but if someone asked Sabrina whether she had truly loved him, she would have nothing to say either.

“You don’t know what love is, but you want to be in love?”

“That’s right. It might sound ridiculous. But if nothing else, I know this one thing for certain. We’ve been wrong from the very first button.”

“……”

“And I’m also certain that what we’re doing right now definitely isn’t love.”

So if they distanced themselves, they would know. What was left behind by the faded fake smiles that passed between them.

“I’ll be going now. Once again, I sincerely thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

In the end, Sabrina left the room without looking back at Julian. She knew she was being cowardly and acting like a coward again, but since this was the last time, she thought she could be a little lenient with herself.

When she went outside, the cold, dry air seeped into her chest. She exhaled cold breath and muttered quietly to herself.

“I’ll have to leave without seeing the snow fall on the island.”

Sabrina ultimately decided to return to the desert land where it never snowed again. To Resotia, where everything began and ended.

****

I sat facing the Empress of the Dermeier Empire in the reception room of the main building of the Rochester estate. Mariette had returned to the island two weeks ago. It had been quite a while since Stuart became Emperor, so it was rather late. Her belly was noticeably round.

“You didn’t summon me to the palace.”

“I can’t presumptuously order the mistress of Rochester to come and go. Besides, I like showing up unannounced like this.”

At these words so typical of Mariette, I finally laughed quietly. She made her characteristically mischievous expression.

“I still feel unworthy of being called the mistress.”

The Duke and Duchess of Rochester were currently staying at the townhouse in Chardonnay. Though it was a mansion famous for its beautiful rose garden, which wasn’t of much use at the end of autumn, the ducal couple were going through the process of gradually transferring the title.

“It doesn’t feel real at all.”

At my words, Mariette laughed lightly. The two of us briefly exchanged news about each other.

Though Mariette was sparing with words about her husband, I had already heard from Ricardo that his condition was gradually worsening. There was no such thing as an appropriate amount of time to prepare for farewell.

When we had caught up on each other’s circumstances, Mariette paused to choose her words before bringing up the reason for her visit.

“You’re planning to go to Resotia?”

Instead of answering, I nodded in affirmation.

“When I heard that you were making plans to leave for Resotia, I couldn’t sleep at night.”

“……”

“The period during which His Majesty will be able to conduct state affairs is probably about two years, three at most.”

His remaining lifespan was longer than that, but eventually all his muscles would stiffen, making it difficult not only to sit but even to breathe.

“Even if my son inherits the throne after that, he’ll still be young, so it will be an unstable reign.”

Ricardo had explained that in that case, Mariette would have to serve as regent until the young Emperor came of age.

“I know that as long as Rochester firmly supports him, my son’s reign won’t collapse. I’m not very interested in politics, but I can serve as regent for the Crown Prince’s sake. However, I’m just sorry to you. I’m ashamed.”

I shook my head. I truly didn’t think Mariette had anything to be ashamed of.

“Don’t say that. I’m simply supporting my husband in keeping his promise. You know what kind of man he is.”

“That’s why I know well that you love him.”

“That’s right. So it’s only natural that I leave so Ricardo can properly keep his promise.”

Mariette shook her head and made a regretful expression.

“When I threatened you to leave, you didn’t even pretend to listen, but now you’re so readily saying you’ll leave?”

“When exactly did you threaten me like that?”

Just then, without permission, the door opened and the master of the estate, my husband, entered.

Just because Ricardo had entered, my face flushed red without my knowing. It was because the events of last night came flooding back like a wave.

On the night I decided when to leave, Ricardo was more persistent than usual. When our eyes briefly met, his ears also turned bright red, so he had clearly read my thoughts.

“Make some noise when you move around. Young Duke Rochester.”

Mariette, who had looked startled for a moment, scolded Ricardo as he strode in.

“I heard there was an uninvited guest in my house.”

Not to be outdone, Ricardo quickly cleared the redness from his face and retorted. As I’d felt before, the two of them treated each other quite casually.

When he sat down beside me and gently kissed my hand before smiling, my heart pounded fiercely. To the point where I wondered if there were other women whose hearts raced like this around their husbands.

As I was mentally blaming all of this on Ricardo, who drove people senseless every night, he leaned slightly toward me and whispered.

“If you were threatened to leave for Resotia, you should have told me right away.”

Mariette trembled all over and made an appalled expression at seeing Ricardo’s affectionate behavior.

“Threatened? Young Duke Rochester. If you knew how much I was scolded by your wife that day, you would feel sorry for me instead.”

At Mariette’s words, Ricardo smiled and looked pleased.

“Really?”

The Empress shook her head as if she couldn’t watch his antics any longer, then squeezed her eyes shut. I finally burst into loud laughter at the sight of the two of them.

“Your Majesty the Empress, I’m not leaving the Dermeier. I’m going to Resotia to wait. For the day when my husband fulfills all his promises and returns to me.”

“Thank you, Lienne. Your generous gesture will shine brightly in the Empire’s history for generations. This is what I came to say.”

When Mariette hurried to get up, Ricardo offered her his hand. She took his hand while shooting him an affectionate glare.

“Now that I’ve finished my business, I’ll return to the palace. Because someone is giving me a headache I didn’t have before.”

Ricardo answered without even looking at the Empress.

“May you return to the palace safely.”

Mariette looked dumbfounded but didn’t forget to apologize to me once more with her eyes. I pushed Ricardo, who was completely leaning on me, away a little and followed her to see the Empress off.

After Mariette left the estate, the two of us held hands and strolled through the garden for a while. It was quite chilly, but befitting a country with a mild climate, the midday temperature was suitable for a walk even in winter.

“Are you all prepared to leave?”

“Yes, I don’t have much luggage. I plan to travel light, just like when I came.”

A smile appeared on my face without my knowing as I remembered when I first came to the Empire. Back then, I couldn’t even dare to think such a day would come.

“I’ll visit often.”

“I know.”

Our family had decided to stay at Count Fennel’s estate. At first, I said I would go to the two-story house where we originally lived, but Ricardo jumped up and down saying that was absurd, so this was an inevitable decision.

After I decided to leave, Ricardo immediately ordered repairs to Count Fennel’s estate.

Until now, that large mansion had been empty without an owner. For our family, going to Count Fennel’s estate held great meaning. So many things had happened there.

I sent a letter to Sabrina saying she didn’t have to accompany us, but she soon conveyed her intention to go together.

Sabrina defined her relationship with Julian in one phrase.

Wrong from the very first button.

Reading her letter, I thought this: Perhaps Ricardo and I were that kind of relationship too.

So I wanted to go to the place where everything began and create a proper beginning.

Count Fennel and Justin weren’t there, but Madam Fennel would manage the estate as mistress, Jonathan would attend school, and Sabrina would enjoy everything a noble lady should enjoy.

And I would wait for Ricardo.

Just as I had from the beginning, still powerless to help him but with all my heart earnestly, praying every day for his good fortune as he fought a war that wasn’t a war.