IDIBC Chapter 49

That Man’s Proposal

What was this? That obsession resembling madness, as if he would track down Harold, the knight who once served the Fennel family, even now? His eyes were clearly smiling and his voice was affectionate. Yet why did such a chill sweep through me—it was a mystery even to myself.

“But he must have been a pretty terrible knight, right? To lose so pathetically to a child barely ten years old.”

I could answer that part with absolute certainty. Harold had quit being a knight before the Fennel family’s downfall. And it was because of the humiliation of losing to Ricardo.

In any case, thanks to that, my family happened to meet him again and were able to maintain our friendship. When we first settled on the outskirts of the capital, Harold was truly a great help.

In fact, he who had boasted he would become Resotia’s greatest knight had known early on that knighthood didn’t suit his aptitude. He said being a merchant fit his constitution better.

“Yes, that’s right. I hesitate to say he was terrible, but he definitely lacked talent. Fortunately, after losing in the sparring match with the young master, he went on to pursue a new dream.”

“And so? What kind of dream did this knight Harold pursue?”

“Are you asking me to tell that entire story right here and now?”

“Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

Because Ricardo was being so persistent over trivial matters, I forgot I was dining with the Duke and Duchess and shot him a glare.

“Do I have to explain why not?”

“No. Just tell me what dream he pursued, that’s all I need.”

“A merchant. Is that enough?”

“What does he sell?”

Watching him fire questions without giving me time to think, I gritted my teeth. The version of him who faced everything with a bored expression had been better, I truly thought so.

“You were better when you sat like a statue.”

“What?”

“That’s right. It would be better if you just sat there like a statue eating your meal rather than tormenting me with such strange questions. Is Harold really that important right here and now?”

“Do you usually call him Harold so intimately?”

His smiling face made it clear he was teasing me.

“Yes, because he’s a friend.”

Even knowing this, I wasn’t entirely displeased to see Ricardo smiling as I foolishly let myself get caught up in his game.

“He’s not your friend.”

“Do you think you know everything inside me?”

“Yes.”

What could I say when the heir of the Rochester family claimed to know everything inside me? As my mouth clamped shut, not only Ricardo but the Duke and Duchess across from us broke into quiet laughter.

Before long, the sun had completely set, and though no more food was coming, the meaningless conversation at the dinner table continued for quite some time.

****

The Duke and Duchess’s bedroom.

The two who returned to their room paced around without sitting down, as if by agreement. Paula, her face flushed red and fidgeting with her dress hem, approached her husband closely. As she came near, Gerald reflexively wrapped his arm around her waist.

“I’ve never seen Ricardo talk so much before.”

At Paula’s words, Gerald chuckled softly. In fact, he too was quite surprised. His son’s playful appearance today kept flickering before his eyes.

So he knew how to smile like that.

Like someone who had witnessed a lion laughing, his amazement wouldn’t easily subside. He gazed at the family crest on the wall while holding his wife in his arms. He had thought it more likely to see the lion in the crest smile.

Paula’s invitation to Ricardo and Lienne to dine together had been somewhat impulsive.

Of course, she had something to tell Lienne separately.

But she hadn’t expected to witness such a scene. Like an ordinary man—well, this was purely Paula’s subjective opinion—like a perfectly ordinary young man, Ricardo smiled, frowned, and spoke.

Recently she had heard from the estate servants that many had seen Ricardo smiling, but she couldn’t believe it until she saw it with her own eyes.

If just a little more time passed like this, might they see the light of resentment fade from that child’s face? Might they hear him reproach them for their incompetence as parents who failed to protect him to the end?

When that moment came, Paula and Gerald would embrace their son.

All this time, their fingertips had tingled with the desire to hold Ricardo, and the ground beneath their feet had crumbled miserably.

When that moment came, they could offer their son words of apology. Even if they couldn’t be forgiven, they would beg and beg again.

And they would tell him they loved him. That they would have given their very lives to save him. Paula burrowed into Gerald’s embrace. Gerald rested his chin on the top of her head and sighed.

“Paula.”

“Yes, dear.”

“You were right.”

“About what?”

“That child, Lady Fennel, is truly planting a human heart in Ricardo.”

Gerald had been skeptical of his wife’s thoughts. He would have rather his son not know a human heart.

That resentment, that self-blame—how could that child endure bearing it all alone when the time came, according to God’s will, that he would have to leave his son’s side?

Nevertheless, today Gerald realized as he watched Ricardo.

How mistaken was his determination to maintain a cold distance for the sake of a son who would grieve after he was gone.

Watching his son alive and vibrant, something he had stubbornly held onto all this time crumbled completely.

If someday he truly died because of Ricardo, it would probably be to save his son. So he too must gather courage to say it: dying because of you would be an honor for me as well.

He realized they must live embracing each other like that, even if for just one more day. His eyes gleamed sharply even in the darkness.

Somehow it was a late spring night that made both their hearts feel urgent.

****

After the meal, I took a walk with Ricardo. The fact that Ricardo was the one to suggest the walk left me quite bewildered.

True to late spring, it was cold when the wind blew, and true to early summer, it was warm when the wind stopped.

Walking through the forest-like garden with moonlight as our illumination evoked quite romantic sentiments.

When a wind carrying coolness blew from afar, I rubbed my shoulders a little. Like a caring prospective fiancé, he keenly noticed my state and took off his coat to drape it over my shoulders.

Did he know that each time Ricardo’s warmth-filled coat settled on my shoulders, another latch on my heart broke?

It was an early summer night when the impatient evening primroses bloomed profusely.

“Are you worried?”

It was just two weeks before the engagement ceremony. What he was asking could be nothing else. I nodded slightly. Complaining didn’t suit this endeavor I had started to preserve my family’s lives and my own, but I couldn’t not admit it either.

I had been afraid all along.

From the moment I heard his unbelievable declaration at Duke Chaplin’s estate until now, fear had washed over me intermittently while preparing for the engagement ceremony.

Each time Ricardo smiled warmly, each time his affection was directed entirely at me, each time his coat settled on my shoulders and no one else’s. Each time I felt the reality that all of this wasn’t mine but warmth borrowed from someone else.

I had wanted this, so bearing it was my responsibility. In fact, Ricardo had no reason to even pretend affection toward me.

So I should be grateful for this fortune fallen from the sky and take courage in the given situation—that would be like me… yet the bewildering and fearful times gradually increased.

Because I felt I would crumble when the moment came to leave him.

The memories, the meaning, the love. Things that existed only for me.

The garden lamps set at appropriate intervals illuminated the dark path equally. Then suddenly he stopped walking.

Ricardo, standing at the boundary between light and darkness, looked down at me carefully. Because of the lamp shining from above his head, it was difficult to gauge what expression he wore.

Ricardo removed my hand from his arm and walked alone toward a bench placed lengthwise between the garden lamps. Following where he went with my eyes, I discovered a bouquet placed demurely on the bench.

It was a bouquet made of the most beautifully blooming spring flowers from every garden in the ducal estate—rapeseed flowers, irises, even dandelions.

Clearly made for nothing other than a proposal.

“Ah……”

During the brief time Ricardo walked toward it, I couldn’t even move. As if my feet were nailed to the spot, I couldn’t budge at all.

‘How will I forget all of this moment?’

The emotion that suddenly welled up was fear.

So overwhelming that I could barely breathe, it was so enormous.

Soon, what the Duchess had said to me when we were alone before dinner began to ring in my ears.

[Lady Fennel. The saintess is coming to the ducal estate earlier than scheduled. The grand priest sent me a separate letter today and left for Hadeima.]

The Duchess’s face as she conveyed those words carried no emotion. She continued speaking with emotionless eyes resembling Ricardo’s. There was no need to worry, she said, as preparations to relocate me and my family had already begun.

[When… will that be?]