IDIBC Chapter 98

His and My Cause of Death

Despite my attempts to stop him, the man reached his hand toward my face. Before I could prevent it, his arm pulled my body close. The two of us embraced each other like that.

Only then did I realize.

The fact that his and my cause of death before time was turned back had been the same.

[You have an opportunity.]

The sudden voice came again. A bitter laugh escaped at that unpleasant voice.

An opportunity? What opportunity? The opportunity to burn to death again? Or perhaps the opportunity to confirm just how much more cruel God could be to me?

“Lady Fennel, no, Lienne.”

Only upon hearing the trembling voice of the Crown Princess did I barely manage to lift my face. Two faces, both a mess of tears, turned toward each other.

The empty gazes of us two people—neither perpetrator nor victim, only wounded—collided in the air.

“I regret meeting you in this manner. Nevertheless, I must convey this message.”

The words about having an opportunity kept echoing in my ears, but hearing that voice no longer stirred my heart. I wasn’t curious about who the owner of that cowardly voice was, unable even to show their face.

If I had known that the opportunity given to me by that unknowable existence would be this cruel, I wouldn’t have clung to that voice like a fool, crying out for a chance.

Faced with this absurd truth, I became calm instead.

“Ricardo knew time would be turned back, yet he died with you in those flames.”

I finally understood why my heart trembled uncontrollably every time our eyes met, why my heart collapsed and was torn to shreds.

The heart that had pounded even as I burned to death returned me to that time whenever I saw him.

To that time when Ricardo Gardarelli Rochester, that pitiable and noble man, had loved me so much.

Rumble, crash. The sky that had been fickle for days turned pitch black and soon began pouring rain with a frightening sound.

“For Ricardo, who jumped into the flames to die with you, there was actually no oracle at all.”

What was this about now? Time had only been turned back ten years, they said. My head, having heard too much, could no longer understand or accept any more facts.

“The Emperor was simply afraid. Having received the throne without possessing the map of the labyrinth, he must have been terrified to death of the world’s most powerful being gaining strength.”

Even so, her words embedded themselves directly into my mind.

“Since Ricardo declared he would become Emperor and made a blood oath before God, God bestowed upon him an oracle befitting that.”

An oracle befitting that?

“One who will kill his father and become the sun in the heavens. This terrible oracle has such a secret hidden within it.”

In the end, I collapsed again with my face in my hands, while conversely the Crown Princess rose from her seat.

“So leave before even Young Duke Rochester’s death becomes a futile matter.”

She declared cruelly. Leave. Before ruining everything.

The events after meeting Ricardo again flashed by like a panorama. Me, childishly clinging and begging for love, Ricardo who couldn’t push me away and eventually embraced me.

The Duchess who supported me without knowing anything, Duke Rochester who looked at his son with infinitely anguished eyes.

And all those dreamlike beautiful moments between him and me.

Oh, what should I do? I promised… that I wouldn’t waver no matter what happened.

“You know what Ricardo is preparing now. He’s paving the road to his death well, going to God. Step by step, to keep you by his side. The choice a man who loves you but cannot break his promise will make is decided, isn’t it?”

“……”

“He will keep his promise. He’ll kill the Emperor, bring down the Grand Temple, and eventually put my son on the throne. However, I don’t want the land my son will rule to become ruins.”

So Mariette was saying there could be no choice I could make.

“Fear God’s wrath. You mustn’t be toyed with by a god who gave you the ability to turn back time while deceiving you into thinking you could choose. Dermeier has always belonged to the Schneiders. That’s a fact that won’t change even after a thousand years. Just look at what God has done to make my son the Emperor of Dermeier.”

“……”

“God and Ricardo will do whatever it takes.”

The ground beneath my feet crumbled at just the single fact that because of me, Ricardo would end up killing his father. I felt nothing but a sense of horror.

My lifelong conviction—that I wouldn’t be hurt by or run away from things I hadn’t done wrong—lost its power before this terrible truth.

Ha, at this point, isn’t my very existence itself a sin?

“If the Emperor and the Grand Temple join hands, both Chaplin and Paquin will turn their backs on Ricardo. Then even Rochester will become isolated. Such a thing has actually happened before.”

The verbose explanation continued afterward, saying there was no other way but for me to leave.

Even while the Crown Princess repeated her cruel words, I gazed at the pitch-black clouds that covered the entire world equally.

From the drawing room with its wide windows, I could see both the distant sky and the flowers embroidering the entire garden at a glance.

They said the garden was the place Duchess Rochester cared for most diligently within the estate. Even in this situation, the landscape swaying pitifully in the rain couldn’t have been more beautiful.

My head grew hot, but my heart cooled.

I took a deep breath and straightened my posture.

“Just what is that god……”

Startled by the sharp voice that escaped without my knowing, it was not the Crown Princess but rather I who was surprised.

No more tears came. Perhaps because I was dumbfounded, absurd, or maybe because it felt too unreal. There was nothing to gain from a merciless god by clinging and crying.

“Who is this god for?”

“Do you want to have a fundamental discussion about theology with me right now?”

“No. It’s not that, I’m just curious. What exactly does God want……”

What exactly is Dermeier? How remarkable is it?

[If you’re swept away by water, I’ll be swept away too, and if you’re struck by lightning, I’ll just draw my sword and die on the spot. That’s all I need to do.]

With my eyes closed, I heard Ricardo’s voice in my ears, speaking of death as lightly as if suggesting a morning garden stroll.

Those weren’t just words, were they?

If I’m engulfed in flames again this time, you’ll walk toward me again.

I opened my eyes wide and stared into the Crown Princess’s shrewd green eyes.

“Whatever God wants, one thing is certain.”

“……”

“In the world that god created… not a single person is happy.”

Then I must fight against God.

If Ricardo is fated to kill his father because of me anyway, I must fight destiny to the end and strive to protect his father.

“I’m sorry, but, Your Highness the Crown Princess.”

A simple thought came to me, so simple that her efforts in crushing her pride, ignoring her husband’s dissuasion, coming here, and painstakingly revealing secrets would be in vain.

“I think this way. That God is the one who did wrong.”

At words that sounded vaguely bewildering, the Crown Princess’s face hardened. Fear washing over her hardened face was a natural progression.

“And I also believe this. That even God must apologize when wrong.”

I stood up, following the Crown Princess. When I met her eyes at the same height, the thoughts that had made my entire body tremble vanished in an instant.

That’s right, even God must apologize when wrong. I don’t run away from things I didn’t do wrong.

As the conviction that had protected me all my life found its place again, my feet stood firmly on the ground.

My knees no longer buckled with fear.

“What Your Highness the Crown Princess desires is for His Highness the Crown Prince to safely inherit the throne, correct?”

She gave no answer, but I continued speaking.

“No, more than the throne itself, you must be more worried about His Highness the Crown Prince’s safety. Though I don’t fully understand a mother’s heart toward her child, I dare say that I understand Your Highness the Crown Princess.”

I could sufficiently imagine the anguished heart of this woman trembling before me.

“Ricardo, stubborn to the point of foolishness, will surely keep his promise. Because that’s the kind of man I love him for being.”

“……”

“If His Highness the Crown Prince becomes Emperor, he will surely rebuild even ruined land. So……”

I roughly wiped away the tears still wetly soaking my cheeks with my palm. Feeling that my eyes no longer wavered.

“Your Highness the Crown Princess should be prepared to accept at least that much.”

I was aware I was daring to give orders to royalty, but somehow I didn’t feel like stopping.

When I was declaring I would confront God head-on, who in this world would I fear?

“I will stake everything and fight. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect Ricardo and protect the things he loves.”

“……”

“Do you think I’m too shameless, clinging to Ricardo’s side and ruining his life? Do you think I don’t know shame?”

At some point, the Crown Princess simply stared at me like someone who had lost their words. But tears no longer flowed from her face either.

“I think shame is an emotion you should feel when you fail to protect what you should protect.”

“……”